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Matt J's "Word Racing" timewaster/game for the stay-at-home COVID-19 days of 2020

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    Take your time. Maybe save the next leg until tomorrow or extend the deadline a bit.

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      Race the Eighth results:

      Clustered as they were, at the base of the stairs, the racers prepped their bamboozlers, readied their crum-crumppers, dialed their criss-crossers, and greased their eyebrows, in the traditional fashion.

      A no-holds-barred rumble up 30-floors of polished, gleaming stairs to the top of the <redacted> Building.

      As this was a stair race, your roving reporter had basically no sight of most of the race, being reduced to riding the elevator to certain floors to see who passed and at what place. Similarly, fans would have had a hard time following the race in its entirety, had their been any, but as it was, the building was as empty as a the off-broadway production of the Towering Inferno starring Abe Vigoda in the Steve McQueen role.

      Onto the placing, from our vantage point in the lobby, we could see the last to make progress were the trio of the pasha Balderdasha, slackster the disackster, and Hey it's Southport Zeb. Each stuck trying to find a step to step on or a handhold to handhold.

      Up to the 11 floor by elevator, to see who would cross first from our viewpoint just outside Jed's discount law office "You break it, we take it!", and indeed, at this the first leg, who should come huffing and puffing and blowing down the house but resident wolf nmrfox, a strong rodent-ial showing, just ahead of tech-heads the ad hoc team.

      Up we went again by elevator, only to find that some racers (somewhere between the 14th and 16 floors) also were riding rather than climbing, Gaining a massive boost here were Sead of the Shen of the Sean of the Shed, O.G. lambers, the notorious VTS.

      Would it be enough to put any of those trio into the driver's seat for the final closeout? No! In truth it was everyone's favorite St. Bernard afficianado, S.B., a massive second leg putting him well positioned for a podium position.

      Up your reporter went again, to see who, among all the racers would have the stamina, the sheer willpower, the absolute 'je ne sais quoi' to dominate the last leg, popularly known as 'oh my god if I have to climb one more step, I swear I'll just die right here Wilma!'.

      The horny toad of diable rouge was there, hopping left and right, throwing punches, dodging grappling hooks, so was the pasha Balderdasha, but taking the same line, the same tack, the same dashed line that must be followed like a kid in Family Circus, it was the big 'D', Wouter D crushing the closest followers beneath their pogo stick frame to move all the way to the great rotating dining room in the sky.

      A close, clustered finish rounded things off, with the ad hoc team coming 2nd, and San Bernardhinault coming third.

      Last to arrive, in smoking jackets, carrying mops and fire extinguishers, in order: slackster, delicatemoth, and bringing up the horses behind, Hey! It's Zebediah from the South!

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        Team/User Place Race #8 Points Race #8
        Wouter D 1 34
        ad hoc 2 32
        San Bernardhinault 3 30
        lambers 4 28
        Vicarious Thrillseeker 5 26
        sits 6 24
        Sean of the Shed 7 22
        Hot Orange 8 20
        nmrfox 9 18
        Balderdasha 10 16
        diable rouge 11 14
        Sporting 12 12
        s. aureus 13 10
        elguapo04 14 8
        slackster 15 6
        delicatemoth 16 4
        Southport Zeb 17 2

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          Team/User Week 1 points Race 6 points Race 7 points Race 8 points Week 2 Total Season Total
          lambers 118 36 32 28 96 214
          ad hoc 126 34 20 32 86 212
          San Bernardhinault 82 26 27 30 83 165
          hot orange 96 11 36 20 67 163
          sean of the shed 122 14 30 22 66 188
          sits 54 23 16 24 63 117
          Wouter D 120 7 22 34 63 183
          Vicarious Thrillseeker 48 7 27 26 60 108
          diable rouge 88 32 12 14 58 146
          Balderdasha 14 19 18 16 53 67
          Southport Zeb 68 16 34 2 52 120
          slackster 68 30 12 6 48 116
          elguapo04 60 23 4 8 35 95
          nmrfox 56 3 12 18 33 89
          andrew7610 104 28 2 30 134
          delicatemoth 88 19 6 4 29 117
          Patrick Thistle 10 24 24 34
          Sporting 68 3 8 12 23 91
          ursus arctos 70 11 11 81
          s.aureus 0 10 10 10
          Kevin S 110 0 110
          Various Artist 46 0 46

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            Race #9:

            It's the sticklers race! A classic of the word racing tour, once won by such classic sentences as "Derps crush dopes" and "Mouse might mount" and "Dandy daisy drops". The race sponsor demands nouns and verbs. "None of this new-fangled sentence construction, dammit!"

            Yeah, a noun, a verb, and your choice of other word.

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              Idiot shows lands

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                Wrest every wreck (we do a lot of imaginary pirate games in my household).

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                  Leper needs trees

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                    Eerie eagle eases.

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                      Weeds dread deeds

                      (mostly those of the Parks Department; don't think about it too much, at least the grammar checks out)

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                        Tummy takes tonic

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                          Goats throw spuds

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                            Diver heeds herbs

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                              Ducks fight geese

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                                Swipe weird drops

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                                  Speed feeds deeds

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                                    Penis rises again

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                                      Rider rides wider

                                      The ex-Grandstand presenter is fond of the outside line.

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                                        Lols. Race 8 was the 1st time I had a little go at unravelling the cryptic pointers and deducing the scoring system.. Result? Worst placing ever. So back to flailing about and random stabs in the dark for Race 9:

                                        Genie makes magic.

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                                          Hewed dried eider

                                          (might seem a fairly unpleasant thing for a vegetarian to do to a duck, but needs must in the cutthroat - or duck hewing- world of word racing)

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                                            Originally posted by slackster View Post
                                            Lols. Race 8 was the 1st time I had a little go at unravelling the cryptic pointers and deducing the scoring system.. Result? Worst placing ever. So back to flailing about and random stabs in the dark for Race 9:
                                            Don't worry. The leaders need competitors like us to make their advantage even bigger.

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                                              Originally posted by ad hoc View Post
                                              Hewed dried eider

                                              (might seem a fairly unpleasant thing for a vegetarian to do to a duck, but needs must in the cutthroat - or duck hewing- world of word racing)
                                              Is Hewed a proper noun there? this one has the judge scratching his head.

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                                                Originally posted by slackster View Post
                                                Lols. Race 8 was the 1st time I had a little go at unravelling the cryptic pointers and deducing the scoring system.. Result? Worst placing ever. So back to flailing about and random stabs in the dark for Race 9:
                                                I have to admit, one of the little joys is seeing a few people get it and trying to guess when they got it, and then seeing the flailing from others and wondering what I've kept too obscure.

                                                The 'answer-in-the-form-of-a-question' felt so blatant, I couldn't believe only a few people actually did it.

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                                                  Originally posted by matt j View Post

                                                  Is Hewed a proper noun there? this one has the judge scratching his head.
                                                  I thought "hewed" was the verb here, i.e. a hewer of wood and water, with eider being the noun?

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                                                    Yes, as DR has it, Hewed is the verb, Eider is the noun

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