Orban Decay: Hungary v Portugal

[Third rate Leszno]

That's an interesting point TAB, and it doesn't really reflect my experience of the Portuguese people as a whole - they're generally very chilled and laid back, except possibly when driving.

[Ray de Galles]

That's an interesting point TAB, and it doesn't really reflect my experience of the Portuguese people as a whole - they're generally very chilled and laid back, except possibly when driving.

Which reminds of this and I take any excuse to reprint it, especially at Euros time (regardless what we've learned of the writer since) ;


...the Portuguese would have anticipated such an ending. They are a delightfully downbeat people with faces as mournful as baby seals at culling time. Fatalistic. Pessimistic. The only Portuguese person capable of smiling spontaneously without suspicion in his eyes is Eusebio. It is mandatory that all domestic TV coverage cut to a shot of Eusebio smiling at times of national celebration.

There is a statistic which says that 47 per cent of Portuguese men wear moustaches and, indeed, if you flick back through the pages of Portuguese history books it's like the Argos catalogue of facial hair: everyone from Vasco da Gama and Ferdinand de Magellan to Queen Isabella appears to have been bewhiskered.

The widespread topiary is part of the national trend towards dolefulness in appearance and attitude, a trend caused entirely, I would argue, by Portuguese driving. The main artery between Lisbon and Porto is the A1. In the spirit of the golden era of Portuguese exploration nobody sets out on to the A1 with any realistic hope of ever seeing their loved ones again.

Driving on the ribbon of death is an exercise for which there should be Purple Hearts for surviving. The A1 is a one hundred miles per hour prison. The G forces press you back into your seat, your bowels feel squeamish and loose. You wonder if your final thoughts will concern the lost art of indicating or the fact that if you slow down to less than 90 miles per hour the truck driver behind is going to make you his bitch.

So when Portuguese men reach the unlikely age of 30 they stop wasting precious time shaving their upper lip. They sit around and talk instead about how Portugal have good players but a bad team, and how their Brazilian coach Luiz Felipe Scolari, while he may have a moustache, has little else going for him.

[DCI Harry Batt]

We've since learned that he's not an arsehole, despite having written that piece?

[jwdd27]

Ronaldo wipes $4bn off Coca-Cola's stock value.

https://www.theguardian.com/football...s-market-value

I think they'll be OK. But good for him. And that Portugal kit was superb.

[anton pulisov]

Dutch friend wrote to me on WhatsApp. "Portuguese up to their usual dirty tricks." Dutch still have a chip on their shoulder after 2006. Even though that entire kerfuffle started because the Dutch kicked Ronaldo off the pitch in the first half (he had to go off injured) and van Bommel was going around getting players booked. So the Portuguese took it to them. You play with fire, you get burned.

[ad hoc]

I spent a year in a long distance relationship at opposite ends of that motorway and I can assure you that article is bollocks

[Sporting]

I'm pretty au fait with Portugal and its poople and yeah.

[jason voorhees]

2006 Portugal-Holland had a great thread as well. That's when the Russian ref said something like "I knew the Portuguese were always a bunch of violent cheaters...imagine my surprise when the Dutch turned out to be!"

It was great because it was the ultimate Dutch heel turn. Total Football to Ultra Violence. Led by the most beautiful and gorgeous of players who took all of his lumpings and cleatings and ankle-breakages and like Iron Man in Black Sabbath came back from the magnetic field to kill the people he once saved.

My guess is it's just once of those games that happens 40-50 years. It was just a modern update of 1962's Italy v Chile. Buckle your seatbelt around 2054.

[Satchmo Distel]

Holland also dealt out some rough stuff in the 2010 final but admittedly not at 2006 levels.

I think there were violent games in the 60s and 70s but the refs just didn't dish out cards. I recall Argentina v Brazil, second phase, 1978, being brutal and the ref just letting it slide. There's a famous montage of fouls from Brazil v Uruguay 1970. Nobby Stiles should have been sent off in 1966. The 1968 SF when Mullery was sent off.

[Hot Pepsi]

This is what a lot of football games are like. One team digs in and defends like trojans, and the other team has to try and pull them apart with relentless pressure, and then it can snowball really quickly. But You missed out on the relentless pressure cooker of impending violence. Portugal are generally worth watching if only because it could all kick off like the game against the Netherlands in 2006 at any fucking moment.

This is one of the all time great world cup matches. 4 red cards, 16 yellow cards, and a video evidence ban for figo for that headbutt on mark von bommel. You don't get matches like this any more. There's clearly something wrong with a lot of these people.

I was thinking more about Ronaldo's record-breaking goals in particular. I didn't mean to demean Portugal's overall effort.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

That's an interesting point TAB, and it doesn't really reflect my experience of the Portuguese people as a whole - they're generally very chilled and laid back, except possibly when driving.

A country's football culture and industry is a reflection of the country's underlying political and power structure, not what the people are like on an individual basis. Portuguese football is so incredibly cynical it takes the breath away. If portuguese people were like their football team, there would be no commercial traffic coming through the straits of gibraltar.

Wasn't a factor in 2006 the ref just losing control and dishing out cards instead of exerting proper authority? I thought today's ref saw the danger and intervened quite effectively.

He should have sent off boulharouz for that attempted castration of ronaldo, and that would have taken a lot of heat out of the game. Ronaldo limping around and having to go off really really pissed off the portuguese.

Holland also dealt out some rough stuff in the 2010 final but admittedly not at 2006 levels.

I think there were violent games in the 60s and 70s but the refs just didn't dish out cards. I recall Argentina v Brazil, second phase, 1978, being brutal and the ref just letting it slide. There's a famous montage of fouls from Brazil v Uruguay 1970. Nobby Stiles should have been sent off in 1966. The 1968 SF when Mullery was sent off

The dutch team of the seventies were not above some pretty savage ultra violence when they felt the situation demanded it.

[anton pulisov]

My memory serves me correct then. The Dutch started it.

Yet if they happen to play Portugal they will be out for "revenge". On Ronaldo, for getting Boulahrouz booked, or something...

edit: For the first booking, where Van Bommel takes down Ronaldo, Boulahrouz kicks the ball against Ronaldo's head while he is lying on the ground. Hadn't seen that one before.

[imp]

That game was an absolute fucking disgrace and I'm not comfortable with glorifying violence just because it happened several years ago.

[steveeeeeeeee]

The A1 motorway in Portugal is fine during the day, but at night there are lots of accidents and some deaths, a few of them have involved famous Portuguese actors and musicians, which increases the negative reputation.

I'd say south of Coimbra, Portuguese people are chilled out. But Northern Portuguese around the Douro region aren't, and the majority of the players between 2000 and 2012 came from the north of Portugal. Basically, Sergio Conceicao is possibly the most aggressive human being I've encountered that has never had a prison sentence, and he is a farily popular role model for Porto fans.

[Sporting]

When we visited the north we experienced nothing but politeness and friendliness. And superb food and places to see.

[imp]

When we visited the north we experienced nothing but politeness and friendliness. And superb food and places to see.

Did you try going in on a waiter studs up to his chest? You'll soon see that so-called politeness and friendliness evaporate then, I bet.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Did you try going in on a waiter studs up to his chest? You'll soon see that so-called politeness and friendliness evaporate then, I bet.

It was an attempted castration rather than a chest kick that kicked it all off, so maybe he could try that. It was almost like the entire Dutch set up hadn't seen the Porto team that most of these players had played for, because if they had, what came next would not have come as a surprise to anyone. On the other hand, I refuse to believe that jose mourinho's Porto team was any sort of reflection of wider portuguese society. They'd be the 21st century equivalent of the vikings if so.