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Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

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    Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

    Scooby Doo and his permanently gormless companion Shaggy had managed, through nefarious means, to acquire three tickets to Manchester United v Arsenal. The ploan had been for long time friend Handsome Fred to join them, but sadly Fred had got lifted by the bill the previous night following a stramash in the Living Rooms. The alterction had spilled out on to Deansgate, and CCTV had Fred bang to rights bottling a local scally. With a spare ticket, Scooby Doo had phoned his nephew, Wayne 'Scrappy' Roo. Scrppy Roo was delighted to take the ticket off his Uncle Scooby's paws, and arranged to meet Scooby and Shaggy on the Old Trafford forecourt a couple of hours before kick off.

    Scrappy Roo, as befits a puppy filled with boundless energy and enthusiasm, had arrived at Old Trafford very early indeed. A little time was taklen up getting lunch at Legends Chippy, then drinking cans of Stella from the shop next door. He took a brief look around the megastore, deciding not to purchase a pair of Nemanja Vidic musical pyjamas. Eventually the allotted meeting time rolled around, and little Scrappy Roo went off to meet his Uncle Scooby and Shaggy.

    Sure enough, there the pair were, underneath the statue of Sir Matt, the allotted meeting place of everyone at Old Trafford.

    "Uncle Scooby?" asked Scrappy, in timehonoured tradition. "Hi, I'm Scrappy Roo."

    "Rappy Roo?" replied Scooby, and they all fell about laughing.

    This may have had something to do with the lethal skunk Scooby and Shaggy had been smoking on the tram to the goround. They'd scored it from some Cheetham Hill hoodrats earlier that day.

    "E'y'are." mumbled Shaggy, "I'm fookin starvin. How about we get some fookin nosebag or wha?" And so played out a tedious half hour or so where Scooby and Shaggy ate a sarnie bigger than Steven Ireland's car.

    The three tickets were for the North Stand tier 3. "It's fookin shite up there man." said Shaggy. "You can see fook all and it's full of daytrippin happy clappers. Fook that. Let's blag our way in to the stretty or summat."

    And so Scooby Doo, Scrappy Roo and Shaggy opened a door and legged it down a series of long, unmarked corridors until they stumbled across the tunnel area. "Fookin hell." Scrappy and Shaggy said in unison. "Rookin Rell." added Scooby.

    For right in front of them was Sir Alex Ferguson doing an interview for BBC2's MotD2 programme. He was explaining how he had dropped Ronaldo, Tevez and Scholes for the game and was instead playing Dong, Saha and Eagles.

    "That's fooking nuts man." said Scrappy Roo. "What the fook is that about?"

    "Yeah man." added Shaggy, because I can't be arsed to type out any more Scooby Doo dialogue. "First the press say how Fergie's been givin Wenger's hole a tonguin in the press, now this. Summat's rotten in the state of Salfohd."

    "Yeh man." agreed Scrappy Roo. "Fuck this. I'm sortin it out proper. Once an for all. Let me at him, let me at him."

    Scrappy Roo ran at Sir Alex and laept on him. Savaging Ferguson's face badly. All the skin came off in Scrappy Roo's little yappy mouth.

    "Ere'y'are. This aint skin. It's rubber. It's a mask."

    Beneath the mask lay the face of Old Man Wenger from the library. "That's right. My evil plan was to disguise myself as Sir Alex and fuck up his season just like I fucked up mine. And I'd have got away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids."

    And so, disaster narrowly averted, Scooby, Scrappy and Shaggy took their, or someone else's, seats in the Stretty and watched United beat Arsenal 2-0.

    #2
    Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

    Ha ha, excellent.

    Comment


      #3
      Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

      Rooney should really have scored there, that was brilliant
      play by ronaldo to set him up. Utd are bizarrely obsessed with trying to catch arsenal on the break.

      Great story.

      Comment


        #4
        Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

        Why's Lehman back in goal, then? And why the hell doesn't Wenger put Eboué at right-back and use Touré in the centre? Very strange, but then so is Ji Sung Park's continuing presence in the Manchester United team.

        Comment


          #5
          Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

          Sir needs to bring Anderson and Tevez on. Pique is doing alright but Brown is playing like a defender from FIFA 2000.

          We'll either draw or lose this.

          Comment


            #6
            Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

            I wonder if Almunia's moans about Lehmann to The Guardian yesterday have anything to do with the German's presence in goal?

            Comment


              #7
              Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

              no, he's injured. United need to get tevez on instead of park, and ronaldo needs to stop playing so very badly.

              and now arsenal have fucking scored. What the hell were they doing.

              Comment


                #8
                Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                oh, he punched it in.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                  serious case of handball.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                    ditto

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                      #11
                      Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                      I told you.

                      Chelsea will by top by the end of tomorrow.

                      People underestimate how important Vidic is back there...

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                        #12
                        Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                        arsenal seem to have an addiction to handling the ball.

                        lehmann is such a dickhead

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                          And I am the Life wrote:
                          lehmann is such a dickhead
                          He's allowed to handle the ball, AIATL.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                            FIFA Laws of the Game - Law 14: The Penalty Kick

                            Feinting to take a penalty kick to confuse opponents is permitted as
                            part of football. However, if in the opinion of the referee the feinting
                            is considered an act of unsporting behaviour, the player shall be
                            cautioned.
                            Glad it's crystal clear. FIFA are such dickheads.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                              even if the penalty was fair (and both were), the first one was disallowed for Park Ji Sung trying to climb in with the fans (encroachment)

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                Yes, I know.

                                Ronaldo stopped his run no both kicks. It's weighted in favour of the kicker enough without them being allowed to get away with that kind of chicanery.

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                                  #17
                                  Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                  great goal

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                    Jens Lehman does his best Paul Robinson impression and fails to set up his wall at a free kick.

                                    2-1 United.

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                      Wayne rooney should have scored three goals today. I've been doing my happy bear dance for about two minutes or so now, and I'm quite tired, but oh so happy.

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                                        #20
                                        Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                        Alex hleb has tried a shot from over 40 yards. why did he do that.

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                                          #21
                                          Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                          Reverse psychology.

                                          It works.

                                          Comment


                                            #22
                                            Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                            only if the arsenal players can hear you and allow it to undermine their performance.

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                                              #23
                                              Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                              Playing badly and winning is the sign of a good side.

                                              [/cliche]

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                                                #24
                                                Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                                Anyone else watching that on FSC?

                                                Viva Viagra?!

                                                Comment


                                                  #25
                                                  Scooby Doo and the mystery of Old Trafford

                                                  We steam-rollered them in a wave of red magnificence.

                                                  We have sent them back to London with sore bottoms and a lifetimes supply of Preparation H for their woes...

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