Imaginative Reasons for not joining/ staying at Chelsea

[Duncan Gardner]

A short quiz- just name the SW6-phobe in each case...

1 In the pub after an unsuccessful Italian holiday, a spiv called Bill or Nick offered him a double

2 Completing Dublin postal round (1986)

3 Looking after mother-in-law's greengrocery in Barnsley (1992)

4 "Club has no history and a mediocre squaaaad, but we must remain Fockers" (2013)

And ending on a heartfelt note

5 "Seems like only yesterday I was a teenager just starting in the game. My advice to youngsters is enjoy every minute...maintenant c'est dur, a la Cote d'Azur!" (2019)

Thanks to Nocturnal Submission for the idea

[Gangster Octopus]

1 Jimmy Greaves

[elguapo4]

2. John Coady?

[Duncan Gardner]

Both correct

[George C.]

3. David Speedie?

[Duncan Gardner]

Not Speedie

[Big Boobs and FIRE!]

Is 3 David Hirst

[Patrick Thistle]

No 5 is Fabregas, right?

[Duncan Gardner]

Not Hirst. Description is right

[Duncan Gardner]

Er Cesc that is

[Nocturnal Submission]

3. Colin Wanker and 4. Rafa the Gaffer?

[Big Boobs and FIRE!]

Not Hirst. Description is right

So there was more than one Chelsea transfer targets in the early 1990s who's mother in law owned a greengrocers in Barnsley?

God I miss old football.

[Nocturnal Submission]

To be honest there weren't that many Chelsea transfer targets in the early-90s of any description.

[Duncan Gardner]

NS cleans up. And for your bonus

6 Studying French and German at Birmingham Uni (1982)

[Walt Flanagans Dog]

Didier Six?

[Kevin S]

To be honest there weren't that many Chelsea transfer targets in the early-90s of any description.

Spent it all on Robert Fleck, didn't you? Which Robert Chase in turn used to buy a nice carpet for his office.

[Duncan Gardner]

Ha ha maîs non

[Nocturnal Submission]

Spent it all on Robert Fleck, didn't you? Which Robert Chase in turn used to buy a nice carpet for his office.

Pretty much. Apparently Chelsea and Spurs came to a gentlemen's agreement: they wouldn't compete with us for Fleck's signature and we wouldn't get in the way of their pursuit of Teddy Sheringham.

That worked out well for us.

[Kevin S]

FWIW Fleck himself said he never had any interest in joining Spurs. Oh. That makes it worse, doesn't it.

[Kevin S]

Then when Chelsea came to Carrow Road in August it had been agreed as part of the deal that Fleck wouldn't play. And his replacement pulled off the cheeky winner here:

[Nocturnal Submission]

Hah! TBH we could have signed Marco van Basten and he would have flopped at the Bridge. We're a strikers' graveyard.

By my count it's about one success for every three failures since the start of the 90s.

[Nocturnal Submission]

Then when Chelsea came to Carrow Road in August it had been agreed as part of the deal that Fleck wouldn't play. And his replacement pulled off the cheeky winner here:

Worth showing that clip to TAB the next time he opines that games are much quicker these days.

I remember the game when Fleck first caught the club's attention. Very early 90s, he scored two goals, one an absolute cracker, in an easy 3-0 win at the Bridge. A ho-hum sort of day as I looked on from the Shed.

[Nocturnal Submission]

Here we go. Last goal:

[Duncan Gardner]

Final reluctant Shed-ender: Alan Smith

[Kevin S]

Nice find! Little me wanted to vote for that as Goal of the Month. Dad let me call but when the line was answered I panicked and hung up. Dad wasn't pleased - those calls weren't cheap back then.