Your nicknames for players

[Toby Gymshorts]

It should be, in fact.

[Jah Womble]

(But, as much as I appreciate your solidarity here, treibeis, let's not get ahead of ourselves. You've managed it once, sir - 'Scrumpy 'n' Western' - which you can have with my blessing all day, every day...)

[Uros Predic]

Anyway...

Two further Doncaster Rovers players I was recently reminded of; both from the middle of our five-year Conference spell, and both had different nicknames depending on which side of our old Belle Vue ground you were stood on.

Striker Neil Campbell's 'prowess' in front of goal meant he was known as either 'Clown Shoes' (Main Standers) or the very much ironic 'Goals Campbell' (Pop Siders).

Barry Miller, God-like centre-half, went by either 'Covered in Monkeys' (Main Standers) or 'Bazmillah' (Pop Siders); the former owing to how much of a colossal rock he was at the back for us, the second being a play on his name and also 'in the name of God' in Islam. The latter's cleverness was sadly undone by being accompanied with 'we are not worthy' arm gestures and shouts of 'Halaam Halaam,' which means bugger all, but sounded a bit like something affectionate and worshipful that might have been maybe vaguely Islamic. Turn of the millennium Doncaster was about as woke as you probably expect.

[Various Artist]

What happened to 'Bazmillah' – no, did you let him go, did you let him go, did you let him go-oh-oh-oh-oh?

I wonder if I should explain that I'm creating a version of a repeated lyric from a popular beat combo's hit song from a while back.
Nah, what could possibly go wrong?

[treibeis]

I'm coming to Hamburg to stand on all your holes.

You can bestraddle my holes, position your balls on the rims and then whack them in there with all your might as far as I'm concerned - it still doesn't make your Electric Six thing any less wrong.

(To Jah Womble: Your reluctance to embrace Scrumpy 'n' Western is very sad - for you yourself rather than for anybody else. My father's going to see The Wurzels at the Grand Pier in Weston-super-Mare next month. He knows quite a few "faces" - proper main, mean mo-fos - on the S 'n' W scene. If you want a ticket, I'll ask him to put a good word in for you.)

[Jah Womble]

Oh, I'm not actively failing to embrace S'n'W, Mr t - the previous comment pertained to your correction of my howling error regarding said genre on a previous thread, of which I was graciously accepting culpability.

(That said, should push ever come to shove...)

[JVL]

Matt Catlin featured in midfield for one of the poorest Hayes teams I can remember watching, in the 93-94 seasons and his performances earned the moniker 'Shat Craplin'.

His only goal came in an away game at Dorking, when a miscued shot flicked up and smacked off his face, totally wrongfooting the keeper.

[Sits]

You can bestraddle my holes, position your balls on the rims and then whack them in there with all your might

But don't you, step on my blue suede shoes

[Jah Womble]

Ha, mighty fine.

(Careful, mind - you're quoting the lyrics from halfway through a line...)

[scratchmonkey]

Back when Canadian atttacking impresario Dwayne Derosario played for the Quakes, they went on a preseason tour of North Africa. Reports from the tour were extremely sketchy and one match just listed the goal-scorers, one of which was listed as 'Pwamme'. After trying to figure out who this new signing might be, we figured out that it was actually Derosario (probably best known for one truly exquisite free-kick goal, as well as having dreads and causing a very quick network cut after being the MVP of the MLS Cup following 9/11 and giving an anti-war speech in his post-match interview).

So we called him Pwamme for the rest of his Quakes career, which caused some odd looks when he scored.

[Patrick Thistle]

.

Striker Neil Campbell's 'prowess' in front of goal meant he was known as either 'Clown Shoes'

This has made me chuckle all day