Just in case anyone was still questioning the managerial ability of Gareth Southgate, the recent friendly games last week will surely have put paid to any lingering doubts that people will have had about the FA's penis-nosed messiah. Having convincingly dispatched the worst Dutch team for 35 years 1-0 whilst throwing stuff in their canals, they were then controversially denied another 1-0 win against the worst Italy team for sixty years by a video replay that correctly proved that a penalty should be awarded.
Those in the know, however, will tell you that Gareth was always destined for success. He cut his managerial teeth (with an angle grinder, one presumes) by turning Shteve McLaren's Middlesbrough team from League Cup winners and European finalists into relegation fodder featuring a fearsome strike force of Afonso Alves and Jérémie Aliadière in just three seasons. He achieved all this despite having taken the job with no coaching qualifications whatsoever.
Following his sacking from Middlebrough over a season after it should of happened, Gareth eventually found himself appointed as the FA's head of elite development, which involved putting up motivational posters at the new St Georges Park training centre such as the one with the kitten with a petrified look on his face holding on to a branch with the phrase "HANG IN THERE" on it, and funnily enough it was this exact same expression that appeared on the faces of the England players in the knockout game against Iceland in the Euros that led to Roy being sacked, so that motivation was seemingly evident just five years later.
Gareth then moved on to the Under 21s two years later, taking over from Stuart Pearce, and completely turned things around. He took over a team that had just got knocked out of the 2013 European Championships having lost every single group game and just two years later they were a team that got knocked out of the 2015 European Championships having lost two out of three group games.
Real success followed, as his team went on to win the Toulon tournament the following year, and it was this result that likely led to Gareth taking over the senior England team after the vacancy had quickly been made available by Sam Allardyce downing a pint of wine and undermining his employers to some undercover reporters just one game into the job. That and the fact that there were no realistic English applicants for the job and that the supporters were clamouring for an English manager to be in charge because after all we hadn't voted for Brexit just so the FA can put a fucking Kraut or Dago in charge of our football team.
Gareth saw out the rest of the qualification campaign, and finished top of an incredibly tough group that featured the best of the third tier of Eastern European football as well as the mighty Maltese and the best Scotland squad we have seen in at least two years.
Well if you have followed Gareth's career over the past decade and thought "I could do that", or "my Nan could do that" or even "my tortoise could do that, and it never even made it through hibernation the other winter" then you can try it for yourself with your very own team. All you need do is send an application to join the OTF League on Xpert Eleven.
Want to know more? Xpert Eleven is an online football manager game. You are given a team with a squad of players and you compete in a league with other OTFers, some are hardcore regulars, and some are occasional posters and some are just lurkers who don't really post on here at all and just enjoy the game. We don't mind really.
Just like in real football, you try to pick a team to beat your opponent whilst trying to nurture young talent and, with some training, squad alterations and accumulation of wealth, grow your squad of players into a successful winning team. You play in a league twice a week, and you get to choose the formation and style of play that you think best suits your team, and can buy and sell players in the transfer market and bring in new youth prospects.
It doesn't take a lot of time either. A couple of minutes a day will usually do just to check updates and set you team, though you may spend a bit more than that on the site if you want to find a new player or write a press release (which can earn you extra cash), or you may come to love the game and get hopelessly addicted to it and only break the habit by going completely cold turkey Renton from Trainspotting style like Kev did.
The game is easy to play, and the site is very simple to navigate. Also we are a welcoming bunch and are happy to help with any questions that might arise as you get used to the game play. Just try it for a season and see how you go, we won't mind if you decide that it isn't for you.
It doesn't have to cost you anything. The game is free to join, but you have the option of purchasing VIP membership if you want to take advantage of extra gizmos or increase your team portfolio.
And joining is easy too. This is the league invite link. Just click on it, enter your details and the OTF League admin Etienne will set you up.
Those in the know, however, will tell you that Gareth was always destined for success. He cut his managerial teeth (with an angle grinder, one presumes) by turning Shteve McLaren's Middlesbrough team from League Cup winners and European finalists into relegation fodder featuring a fearsome strike force of Afonso Alves and Jérémie Aliadière in just three seasons. He achieved all this despite having taken the job with no coaching qualifications whatsoever.
Following his sacking from Middlebrough over a season after it should of happened, Gareth eventually found himself appointed as the FA's head of elite development, which involved putting up motivational posters at the new St Georges Park training centre such as the one with the kitten with a petrified look on his face holding on to a branch with the phrase "HANG IN THERE" on it, and funnily enough it was this exact same expression that appeared on the faces of the England players in the knockout game against Iceland in the Euros that led to Roy being sacked, so that motivation was seemingly evident just five years later.
Gareth then moved on to the Under 21s two years later, taking over from Stuart Pearce, and completely turned things around. He took over a team that had just got knocked out of the 2013 European Championships having lost every single group game and just two years later they were a team that got knocked out of the 2015 European Championships having lost two out of three group games.
Real success followed, as his team went on to win the Toulon tournament the following year, and it was this result that likely led to Gareth taking over the senior England team after the vacancy had quickly been made available by Sam Allardyce downing a pint of wine and undermining his employers to some undercover reporters just one game into the job. That and the fact that there were no realistic English applicants for the job and that the supporters were clamouring for an English manager to be in charge because after all we hadn't voted for Brexit just so the FA can put a fucking Kraut or Dago in charge of our football team.
Gareth saw out the rest of the qualification campaign, and finished top of an incredibly tough group that featured the best of the third tier of Eastern European football as well as the mighty Maltese and the best Scotland squad we have seen in at least two years.
Well if you have followed Gareth's career over the past decade and thought "I could do that", or "my Nan could do that" or even "my tortoise could do that, and it never even made it through hibernation the other winter" then you can try it for yourself with your very own team. All you need do is send an application to join the OTF League on Xpert Eleven.
Want to know more? Xpert Eleven is an online football manager game. You are given a team with a squad of players and you compete in a league with other OTFers, some are hardcore regulars, and some are occasional posters and some are just lurkers who don't really post on here at all and just enjoy the game. We don't mind really.
Just like in real football, you try to pick a team to beat your opponent whilst trying to nurture young talent and, with some training, squad alterations and accumulation of wealth, grow your squad of players into a successful winning team. You play in a league twice a week, and you get to choose the formation and style of play that you think best suits your team, and can buy and sell players in the transfer market and bring in new youth prospects.
It doesn't take a lot of time either. A couple of minutes a day will usually do just to check updates and set you team, though you may spend a bit more than that on the site if you want to find a new player or write a press release (which can earn you extra cash), or you may come to love the game and get hopelessly addicted to it and only break the habit by going completely cold turkey Renton from Trainspotting style like Kev did.
The game is easy to play, and the site is very simple to navigate. Also we are a welcoming bunch and are happy to help with any questions that might arise as you get used to the game play. Just try it for a season and see how you go, we won't mind if you decide that it isn't for you.
It doesn't have to cost you anything. The game is free to join, but you have the option of purchasing VIP membership if you want to take advantage of extra gizmos or increase your team portfolio.
And joining is easy too. This is the league invite link. Just click on it, enter your details and the OTF League admin Etienne will set you up.
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