I'm imagining a long, visually intriguing, Mike Leigh-esque introductory sequence, with little or no dialogue, where Big Boobs and Fire is filmed taking a bus and train journey, eating cheese and drinking beer, eventually arriving at an obscure but well-kept pub in Central Lancashire. He walks in and goes to the bar to peruse the choice of ales on offer. Further down the bar, we find me and The Awesome Burbaslug arguing about whether Liverpool or Man United had the reddest shirts in the 1980s, while EIM, behind the bar, shouts across "will you two bell-ends pack it in!?".
-
-
A film about otf
Meanwhile Timothy Spall is sat quietly in a corner, attempting to complete that Saturday's Guardian prize crossword.
He has little or no dialogue, save when for ordering another pint of mild at the bar, or acknowledging his friends. -
A film about otf
Meanwhile, 95% of the film would just be of people spending hours on end doing fantasy football or prediction leagues. Or fantasy prediction leagues. Or whatever it is that the dungeons and draggons lot on here get up to on their umpteen threads.Comment
-
A film about otf
Correct other posters' spelling, mostly…Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote: Meanwhile, 95% of the film would just be of people spending hours on end doing fantasy football or prediction leagues. Or fantasy prediction leagues. Or whatever it is that the dungeons and draggons lot on here get up to on their umpteen threads.Comment
-
A film about otf
Comment
-
A film about otf
Don't forget the scene where Ray de Galles, denishurley and me are arguing over whether high shirt numbers are acceptable or not.
Cue the big fight - one of us will need to be played by Ray Winstone. Dubbed obviously as I don't want to be the one to hear his attempts at a Welsh or Irish accent.Comment
-
A film about otf
Shortly after the first film is released, cinemas will be flooded with the release of about fifty films, all with titles that are puns on the original's title. All fifty will turn out to be largely free of content, seemingly made only for the joke in the title.Comment
-
A film about otf
Of course, watching the film in a cinema is a big no-no. It's at its purest when watched in a bus-shelter on a kinetoscope...Comment
-
A film about otf
There will be an exciting, and exceedingly long winded, proposal for a Gaelic language version of the film, for the expansive Isle of Man and Cornish market, the focal point of the proposal being the Enya soundtrack.Comment
-
A film about otf
Oh, and Rogin will turn up in the wrong part of the film, with a plea for the admin to move him.Comment
-
A film about otf
And also, the film will take an hour to start, as an irrelevant advert about cosmetics/investment/corporate hospitality, plays at an inordinately slow speed.Comment
-
A film about otf
Which poor sod is going to end up stuck in a conversation with Rory?Comment
-
A film about otf
Boom!Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote: Oh, and Rogin will turn up in the wrong part of the film, with a plea for the admin to move him.
Get in!Comment
-
A film about otf
Somewhere Tubby Isaacs is chuntering away about how the SNP was responsible for the collapse in form of the Gloucestershire 40-over cricket team and is why they finished bottom of the JPS league in 1978.Comment
-
A film about otf
Ha ha.
More likely we were bottom because Zaheer and Sadiq were on tour with Pakistan. And maybe we had Jim Foat coming in at 5 or something.Comment
-
A film about otf
Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote:
Oh, that'll be the moment of comic relief just after someone's been brutally murdered on screen, maybe in their bed, for suggesting that AFC Wimbledon aren't all that. It'll pop up like "This film is subtitled in Norwegian" as per Monty Python and the Holy Grail.Oh, and Rogin will turn up in the wrong part of the film, with a plea for the admin to move him.Comment
-
A film about otf
The comedy moment will be a Benny Hill esque chasing of Luke R around a Brexit scene.
Although admittedly some of the chasers will have knives.Comment
-
A film about otf
And facts.Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote:
Although admittedly some of the chasers will have knives.Comment
-
A film about otf
Hopefully zahidf.caja-dglh wrote: Which poor sod is going to end up stuck in a conversation with Rory?Comment
-
A film about otf
People will talk about the Bates Motel meets 8mm "knickers" conversation for days and question whether it caused or was caused by the Hummus War.Comment
-
A film about otf
Pack it in you bellends.Comment
-
A film about otf
The brutal murder will then be brutally investigated by Steve Bruce, playing [strike]himself[/strike] a thinly-veiled version of himself.Rogin the Armchair fan wrote:Oh, that'll be the moment of comic relief just after someone's been brutally murdered on screen, maybe in their bed, for suggesting that AFC Wimbledon aren't all that. It'll pop up like "This film is subtitled in Norwegian" as per Monty Python and the Holy Grail.Originally posted by Big Boobs and FIRE!
I'm taking it as a given that the screenplay will be written by Andy Townsend?Comment
-
A film about otf
When you're getting dissed for your uncoolness by the trainspotters, you know you've effectively transcended the plane of 'cool' altogether.Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote: Meanwhile, 95% of the film would just be of people spending hours on end doing fantasy football or prediction leagues. Or fantasy prediction leagues. Or whatever it is that the dungeons and draggons lot on here get up to on their umpteen threads.
There needs to be some sort of Anchorman-style monumentally lame street-gang punchup somewhere in the film to reflect this sort of thing, I feel.Comment
-
A film about otf
This is just a shit remake of the old black and white classic, starring Wyatt Earp, Femme Folle and the rest of the original cast. The special effects are laughable now, but the script was top notch.Comment
-
A film about otf
Luke'll be apples though.Big Boobs and FIRE! wrote: The comedy moment will be a Benny Hill esque chasing of Luke R around a Brexit scene.
Although admittedly some of the chasers will have knives.
He'll have handguns.Comment
Comment