Zlat-watch

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

He's too big not to have a thread of his own. One dedicated to him, and the impact he's going to have on his club, the Premier League and certain members of this parish.

It begins already, with Anthony Martial reportedly furious that Zlatan has been given his number 9 shirt.

[Gerontophile]

Zlat-watch

And Zlatan replied "What is an Anthony Martial?"

[Patrick Thistle]

Zlat-watch

Hahaha I hope that's true, Gero.

[Southport Zeb]

Zlat-watch

I believe Zlatan only chose the number 9 shirt after the Premier League refused his [strike]demand[/strike] request that his squad number would be "Z"

[evilC]

Zlat-watch

Paris Zébulon wrote: I believe Zlatan only chose the number 9 shirt after the Premier League refused his [strike]demand[/strike] request that his squad number would be "Z"

-

[Sam]

Zlat-watch

Martial's right to be pissed off, mind. Changing first team squad members' numbers when they're already under 12 isn't on, particularly if they've only had that number for a year. And that applies in spite of the fact that the number 11 probably suits Martial's role/position better than the number 9 did.

[Sits]

Zlat-watch

It's always bugged me, who he reminds me of. But that cartoon did it:

Dave Gahan

Zlatan

[Steve GNR]

Zlat-watch

"I am not a number! I'm a Zlatan!"

[Janik]

Zlat-watch

I'm THE Zlatan, surely?

[evilC]

Zlat-watch

Sits wrote: It's always bugged me, who he reminds me of. But that cartoon did it:

Dave Gahan

Zlatan

He's his own... personal... Jesus.

[Satchmo Distel]

Zlat-watch

It's a Zlat trap, and you've been caught!

[Patrick Thistle]

Zlat-watch

I just can't get enough of these jokes

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Zlat-watch

"It's Zlatan time already ... and he's only three and a half minutes into his debut!"

[Jah Womble]

Zlat-watch

By his standards, that was a scuffer.

But, hey, don't let nobody be holdin' up that ol' hype machine.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Zlat-watch

He's won the FA Community Shield!

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Zlat-watch

Zlatan shoots ... Zlatan scores!

[G-Man]

Zlat-watch

The goal that extended a comfortable 2-0 lead to a 3-0 lead will write all the headlines tomorrow, according to the commentator. FFS.

[Patrick Thistle]

Zlat-watch

It was an accurate shot into the far corner but didn't seem to move that fast. Poor goalkeeping helped him there.

It was a nice flick off the side of his boot to try and set up Rooney earlier on, mind.

[EIM]

Zlat-watch

Not going so well, this thread, is it? He's come in, been peripheral but decisive, said a couple of funny things, but not done anything remotely outrageous. I'm as pissed off as Rogin must be, tbh.

I KNOW I've been saying he's shit for about 15 years, but I do this about things people wank on about. I did it about The Wire for a bit, so I'm occasionally wrong. I'm a big lad. I can admit these things.

I keep walking past JD Sport in town (keeping Lancaster shoed in terrible shoes) and seeing the adidas Zlatan poster and laughing. Zlatan! Mourinho! How the FUCK has this happened? Last I checked we had Moyes and that pissed fella with the Filofax.

Anyway. I want him to score a ridiculous goal at the Etihad and then do something terrible, and Mourinho to steam in and do something even worse, and lead to loads of tabloid moralising, and then we win the league and everone gets really angry, but I won't care because I'll be drunk falling off scaffolding in Manchester cos they'll never stop trying to fucking build the city centre, and Gary Neville is knocking down the Aberdrombie the massive fucking dick.

Peace.

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Zlat-watch

People wank about Adidas Gazelles, but you would never have the guts to say they're shit. Where's the big contrarian now?

[EIM]

Zlat-watch

There's a coded insult to them in the JD Sport comment. Ubiquitous as fuck.

[Benjm]

Zlat-watch

Zlatan is entertaining enough but he might as well be Michael Owen compared to Dimitar Berbatov.

[EIM]

Zlat-watch

Mitko remains in my heart. But Zlatan is a Berbatov with the self-doubt removed. Albeit it a self-doubt I largely projected onto him for web-based narrative purposes.

[Benjm]

Zlat-watch

Self doubt or nicotine withdrawal symptoms?

[Patrick Thistle]

Zlat-watch

I was thinking how actually it's kind of refreshing that Zlatan and Mourinho haven't been atrocious yet. But then I remembered the season's a week old.

You might have popped your cork a mite soon. EIM.