In every game, there seems to be a few penalties that go uncalled for both sides. Real Madrid could have had a few last night. Perhaps Atletico too. The problem here comes if the ref eventually does give a penalty, and it becomes the focal point of discussion for days, week, or maybe even years after. Single penalties are too damned important to the outcome of a game.
So I say "fuck it!" Give everything as a penalty. Give every contentious coming together, every Tom Daley-esque tumble, every ball-to-hand, every niggling foul, every bad haircut, every offside by more than two yards, every time someone walks off a little too slowly after being subbed, every undershirt with a personal message. Penalty! Foul throw? Penalty! Casual racist 'banter' from team's backup captain? Penalty! Fifth yellow card of the season? Double penalty! Goalkeeper gets a hand to the ball, but it still goes in? Penalty! That'll learn him.
Penalties should be akin to free throws in basketball. Yeah, scoring goals is great, but you'd better make your penalties. Reduce the game time from 90 minutes to 12 minutes, but stop the clock for every penalty. Teams could employ a hack-a-Shaq technique to foul players who are statistically bad penalty takers (elbow-a-Defoe) to help with goal difference. Games would end 15-14. Regular goals would matter more because "you're going to get penalties anyway".
And another thing: set a time limit. Penalties must be taken within 10 seconds of being awarded, or the other team gets a chance to steal the penalty by answering a piece of football trivia on the back of the referee's red card.
And another thing: appealing for a penalty results in a punishment of ten laps of the field, followed by fifty pushups. And a penalty.
And another thing: there will be a wild card item of clothing randomly selected at the start of each game. If the manager is wearing one? You guessed it: penalty! Managers would come onto the touchline dressed as Dracula and Buzz Lightyear, solely to avoid the possibility of a fashion penalty. I, for one, need to see Yaya Toure getting instructions from Manuel Pellegrini dressed as one of the Lollipop Guild, furious at the fact short-sleeved plaid shirts were today's wild card.
So I say "fuck it!" Give everything as a penalty. Give every contentious coming together, every Tom Daley-esque tumble, every ball-to-hand, every niggling foul, every bad haircut, every offside by more than two yards, every time someone walks off a little too slowly after being subbed, every undershirt with a personal message. Penalty! Foul throw? Penalty! Casual racist 'banter' from team's backup captain? Penalty! Fifth yellow card of the season? Double penalty! Goalkeeper gets a hand to the ball, but it still goes in? Penalty! That'll learn him.
Penalties should be akin to free throws in basketball. Yeah, scoring goals is great, but you'd better make your penalties. Reduce the game time from 90 minutes to 12 minutes, but stop the clock for every penalty. Teams could employ a hack-a-Shaq technique to foul players who are statistically bad penalty takers (elbow-a-Defoe) to help with goal difference. Games would end 15-14. Regular goals would matter more because "you're going to get penalties anyway".
And another thing: set a time limit. Penalties must be taken within 10 seconds of being awarded, or the other team gets a chance to steal the penalty by answering a piece of football trivia on the back of the referee's red card.
And another thing: appealing for a penalty results in a punishment of ten laps of the field, followed by fifty pushups. And a penalty.
And another thing: there will be a wild card item of clothing randomly selected at the start of each game. If the manager is wearing one? You guessed it: penalty! Managers would come onto the touchline dressed as Dracula and Buzz Lightyear, solely to avoid the possibility of a fashion penalty. I, for one, need to see Yaya Toure getting instructions from Manuel Pellegrini dressed as one of the Lollipop Guild, furious at the fact short-sleeved plaid shirts were today's wild card.
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