What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

[Sean of the Shed]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Smallcaps wrote:

TOP TIP: Smooth peanut butter is much easier to hide in the food of nut allergy sufferers.

Remind me to never ever eat anything that you prepare. On behalf of fellow sufferers: I hate you.

That includes my young nephew. Just sitting at a table with a bowl of nuts on it can cause a reaction.

I'm confused. Why would you hide smooth peanut butter in the food of your young nephew? How does your family work?

Seriously though, this sounds he has it a lot more severely than I do.

We do it for a laugh. He looks like Kim Jong-un when he swells up.

[longeared]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Jongudmund wrote: Why the fuck are people taking these things to football matches anyway?

Because scones, clotted cream and jam make an ideal half time snack on the terraces, I assume.

[Patrick Thistle]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Buy a pie like normal people.

Tomato puree? Are you whipping up a ragu for half time?

[Stumpy Pepys]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Jongudmund wrote: Tomato puree? Are you whipping up a ragu for half time?

I just picked it up on the way to the game, as the supermarket would have been closed when it finished.

[Jah Womble]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

You might as well ban all comestibles from stadia at this rate. I went to Darlington some years back. A direct hit from one of their half-time pies and it's goodnight, Gracie.

[Benjm]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Jah Womble wrote: I went to Darlington some years back. A direct hit from one of their half-time pies and it's goodnight, Gracie.

This reminds me of an instalment of This Goalie's Got Guts in which Ben Lieper and his teammates are visiting a - possibly fictional - European country and their coach comes under attack. Ben, or one of his colleagues, keeps morale up by quipping, 'As long as they don't start throwing the old man's* pies!'

* - chairman and local pie magnate Sid Spicer

[Gangster Octopus]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

The Lynx was taken by a mate of mine 'cos he was going to spend the night at his girlfriend's place. I assume that his toothbrush wasn't confiscated...

The jam I now know to be Fortnum & Mason's wild blueberry and damson jam, which was bought by a friend on one of his rare trips into that London. I've realised that it was confiscated on reasons of taste and being too pretentious...

[pebblethefish]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

A few years ago, our lovely Brentford stewards searched my pockets and found a hinge and some allan keys. Now, to me the hinge would have been a lot more throwable, but it was the allen (I seriously have no idea how to spell it) keys that were confiscated.

They also seemed remarkably surprised that I bothered to collect them after the game.

[Giggler]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

I was once asked by a steward at Bury whether I planned to eat the Polo mints in my pocket or chuck them at someone.

[seand]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

At the last Drogheda v Dundalk Louth derby I was aked on the way in if I had any weapons on me. Gave me the opportunity to roll out the old "no, will I need one?" line

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Jah Womble wrote: You might as well ban all comestibles from stadia at this rate. I went to Darlington some years back. A direct hit from one of their half-time pies and it's goodnight, Gracie.

Danny Baker took a call a few years ago from a chef who went to watch Rochdale on the way home from work. The stewards confiscated his pork pie, but allowed him to take his full set of chef's knives on the terrace.

Makes sense now.

[Stumpy Pepys]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

My favourite was the tree surgeon who, following a job one Saturday morning, went to watch Barnet with his chainsaw.

[waterlooroader]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

I am a diabetic and when I was still living in Ultonia I was watching Ards away at Glentoran; I was stopped going into the Oval by a steward who took objecttion to my insulin syringe. As an away fan at the Oval in the early 90s a sword or a rifle with a bayonet would be more appropriate given the welcome recieved from some of the locals.

Following my move over the water, I was once stopped going into the away end at Millwall under similar circumstances but let in once I explained myself. I suppose a syringe is among the less offensive items that are confiscated at Millwall each week...

[Paul S]

What Brentford stewards think are dangerous

Danny Baker took a call a few years ago from a chef who went to watch Rochdale on the way home from work. The stewards confiscated his pork pie, but allowed him to take his full set of chef's knives on the terrace.

Makes sense now.

I remember that call. When the steward searched him he lifted up his coat, along with his knife belt and the steward patted won his trousers and told him he could go in. It was halfway through the first half before the chef remembered he'd still got his knives on!