The Machine Will Inevitably Crush Your Wembley Dream - Matchgoing 17-23rd March

[cantagalo]

Kennington 2 Hollands & Blair 1
SCEL Challenge Cup Semi-Final First Leg
Att: 183

Both teams are stranded in mid-table in the SCEL Prem so this tournament is really all they have left to play for. It was a keenly fought contest between two evenly matched sides.

Kennington took the lead just a couple of minutes after H & B had missed a penalty and extended it in the second half. The visitors replied with a good effort from outside the area leaving the tie too close to call. The second leg is next week.

[The Mighty Trin]

Barnsley 4-2 Sheffield Wednesday

The Owls open topped bus victory tour arrived at Oakwell tonight.
Wednesday are really good team. They move the ball around well, find their passes, work hard and looked dangerous all night. Barry Bannon got a fair amount of abuse from the home fans, but in truth, I wish he played for us. They deserved at least a draw and I wouldn't have had any complaints if they'd beaten us.

But football isn't all about fairness, expected goals or possession statistics. Sometimes it's about emotion. When we scored our clinching fourth goal with virtually the last kick of the match I found myself hugging my fifteen year old as we jumped up and down together. That's when football is working its best magic.

(When we got home he informed me that my breath had stunk of garlic all night - but you can't have everything.)

My mate Ian was there in the East Stand and was absolutely beaming when he arrived at our house for a post-match pint (it was 2-2 the last time I checked before me and my Dad left Farsley). Big win for Barnsley, that.

[Gangster Octopus]

Regular correspondents will of course know that Farsley Celtic were founded in 1908 as Farsley, added the 'Celtic' epithet some unspecified time later, went bust in 2010, were refounded as Farsley and then added 'Celtic' again in 2015.

The barstards entry into the NCEL ruined Parkgate's best ever season.

[The Mighty Trin]

The barstards entry into the NCEL ruined Parkgate's best ever season.

They're still furious about Spennymoor collapsing in 2005...

[Greenlander]

Just got back through the front door. It was worth it.

[Artificial Hipster]

Southport 0-0 Alfreton Town
National League North

Visitors entering through the main gates at Spotland Stadium (yes, in Rochdale, I'll come on to Southport shortly..) are greeted by the smiling face of much loved former chairman, Freddie Ratcliffe, looking down from the sign for the bar at the club named in his honour. Ratcliffe knew better than anyone that the most important time in the football season for clubs like Rochdale was the period leading up to the annual re-election vote, where old friendships were rekindled and gifts exchanged - bottles of whiskey perhaps or hampers of tasty fare. Ratcliffe's gifts were always of exceptional quality.

At the end of the 77/78 season - Southport's last as a Football League club - Ratcliffe's Rochdale sat 7 points below the Sandgrounders in the table with 9 more defeats to their name. That it was Southport who, against expectations, were replaced by Wigan, after the vote was originally tied, can be put almost entirely down to the immense popularity of the Spring King in the boardrooms of the football world.

The bar at Haig Avenue is not named for the chairman during the 77/78 season. Nor is the current incumbent especially popular if the group of 50 or so noisy teenagers with a drum - the Jack Carr Lads apparently - are representative of the fan base as a whole (the incessant rain meant I had to stand a lot closer to them than I would otherwise have chosen - my ticket allowed access to the open terrace along the far touchline and the covered one behind the goal where they had gathered). A single voice bellowing from the main stand in opposition suggested not everyone shares their opinion. "You bankroll the bloody club then!" being the only one of his regular retorts I was able to make out. Whatever the reality of the situation, matters on the pitch are far from rosy.

The match was awful. Neither side was able to string more than 2 or 3 passes together. Long throws were the single most persistent feature of the game. The ball spent almost as much time out of play than in, more often than not travelling in hope rather than expectation of ever reaching it's intended destination, a destination rarely marked any more specifically than 'Up North.' Twice an offside flag cut short the Lads' celebrations in the first half and the home side did also hit the post but these were the only 3 incidents of note all evening.

I liked the ground though. The teams entered the field to Da Doo Ron Ron which was nice - any club not using Right Here Right Now for it's entrance music deserves praise in my book. And then there were the toilets, resplendent in black and yellow (a yellow verging on amber, not a gaudy yellow). Footballing world take note - more toilets in club colours please!

[Uros Predic]

Crawley Town 1-1 Doncaster Rovers

Really surreal moment walking to the stadium from the leisure centre my mate had parked in, when we realised that we hadn't seen, and couldn't see, a single other person heading to the match. This was five minutes before kick-off. Anyway, turns out there were other people there, but they'd probably wish they hadn't been. Absolutely awful attempt at what two teams thought football might be.

Match report here because I'm not writing about it twice, not even for you lovely people.

[Ray de Galles]

The combination of our respective clubs facing Crawley in the last week seems to have produced identical feelings of ennui Uros Predic

I'm worried the Latvia game may continue the trend for both of us.

[Uros Predic]

The combination of our respective clubs facing Crawley in the last week seems to have produced identical feelings of ennui Uros Predic.

The ennui for me is very much from watching Rovers this season and last to be honest, I'm really enjoying the other football I watch.

I'm not at the Latvia game, so at least if it is continued I can turn over and watch Grand Designs or something.

[Simon G]

Barnsley 4-2 Sheffield Wednesday

The Owls open topped bus victory tour arrived at Oakwell tonight.
Wednesday are really good team. They move the ball around well, find their passes, work hard and looked dangerous all night. Barry Bannon got a fair amount of abuse from the home fans, but in truth, I wish he played for us. They deserved at least a draw and I wouldn't have had any complaints if they'd beaten us.

But football isn't all about fairness, expected goals or possession statistics. Sometimes it's about emotion. When we scored our clinching fourth goal with virtually the last kick of the match I found myself hugging my fifteen year old as we jumped up and down together. That's when football is working its best magic.

(When we got home he informed me that my breath had stunk of garlic all night - but you can't have everything.)

Enjoy Michael Duff whilst you've got him. God knows we did.

[Billy Casper]

Exactly. I don't think he'll be here beyond the summer if we don't go up.

[Snake Plissken]

It's only his first season there, isn't it?

[Simon G]

It is, but the guy is destined to go higher. He's good to his word as well, and I wouldn't expect him to leave Barnsley if they don't go up this season unless a dream job materialises (for dream job I mean Burnley). However, I think he goes next summer, especially if he takes Barnsley up.

[Billy Casper]

He's also still living in Cheltenham, so you'd have to think if a better job closer to home came up he'd be interested.

Having said that though, he's only ever been involved with Burnley and Cheltenham in his professional football career as a player, so he does seem to have some loyalty.

[Via Newbury Park]

Potters Bar Town 0-2 Bognor Regis Town
Isthmian League
Att: 171 (at least two dogs)

Potters Bar have changed manager since I last saw them, which means most of the team has changed as well. This may be why, despite having watched them several times, I don’t really feel any particular affection for the team; I’ve enjoyed the football, the people are friendly but it’s hard to get attached when you’re watching more or less a different side every time. The new management team seem to prefer to quietly encourage the players, unlike the previous incumbents who spent the first 45 minutes shouting at them before going largely quiet in the second half, presumably having knackered their throats. Bognor, meanwhile, are managed by Robbie Blake. I had a mate who supported Bradford who loved Robbie Blake; I don't think I'd thought about either of them for about 20 years.

The new Bar team are quite fresh-faced, and while Bognor weren’t really two goals better than them they did have a bit more nous. The first goal came from a centre back lunging in on a Bognor player, who skipped past him and two more defenders before his shot was palmed to a lurking forward for a tap in. The second came when a free kick was sloppily conceded and then not properly cleared, which was turned in by the same lurking Bognor forward. Both goals came off the back of good spells from Bar but they didn’t create much by way of clear cut chances, a series of mishit crosses leading the locals to bemoan the loss of balls into the park behind the goal; "Ben will be out with his net in the morning" one said sadly, making me feel an unexpected sympathy for the ducks who live there.

20230321_210606.jpg

[Ray de Galles]

London Samurai Rovers 1 British Airways FC 2
Cherry Red Records Combined Counties League Division One
Rectory Meadow

This was certainly the smallest crowd I've been in for a while, there was probably around the same amount of people watching as there were on the pitch, if you include the officials. There are a lot of reasons for that; the hosts are a very new club, both sides were in the Middlesex County Leagues until recently and also groundshare with other clubs to meet the requirements for this level, it was a freezing night and neither side so much as mentioned the fixture on their social media.

There was seemingly no admission being charged (which should probably be the norm for the tenth tier really) and I did suspect I may have been the only person there not directly connected to either side or the landlords Hanworth Villa, though I saw later that there was one other check in on Futbology. Consequently it wasn't the greatest atmosphere but was at least an interesting match.

About half of the Samurai squad were obviously of Japanese descent as were all the coaches and officials but I'm not quite sure what their selection criteria is. I had no way of knowing how many of the BA team were employees of the company but given their annoying, overly aggressive attitude throughout the match (more of which later) I think I'm safe to say none of them are cabin crew.

The game was the stereotypical clash of styles with LSR clearly trying to play progressive passing football but let down by a couple of players who were technically inept even for this level. Chief among them was their captain and keeper who was the size of Hagrid but without the agility. Perhaps unsurprisingly, BA had the ball in the air as much as possible and both their goals came from long, high balls poorly dealt with by the home defence and afore-mentioned keeper. In between the hosts scored a lovely goal from their rampaging right wing back and dominated the middle period of the game but couldn't handle the visitors aerial assault.

BA began time-wasting after their second goal around the 50 minute mark and got more cynical and narky as the match went on. Their keeper in particular was an irritating gobshite, so much so that when he began writhing around feigning injury after not being touched I was forced to call him a "play-acting prick", albeit from the halfway line. This caused the linesman (who I had noticed earlier trying to indulge in non-stop repartee with players and other members of the meagre crowd) to tell me off for my language. When I told him to keep his eyes on the match and mind his own business he said it was a "safeguarding issue" because there was an adolescent somewhere in the ground and proceeded to ramble on in the same vein while running the line for the remaining five minutes of the match.

Bizarrely, as he left the pitch he walked over to me, shook my hand and said "All good football banter, eh" and wandered off which put the tin lid on a peculiar evening.

[The Mighty Trin]

Ray de Galles Ah yes, the aggressive BA players are the most objectionable I've had the mispleasure of having to listen to. And in my report on here from the BA v Bedfont game earlier in the season I called their keeper 'mouthy'. Which was polite for 'twat'.

[Greenlander]

Accrington Stanley 0-2 Plymouth Argyle
Division Three
Att: 2489 (689 away)

Q: How do you get five lads in a VW Polo?

Tuesday night away games are the best away games. A message from Rich a couple of weeks back sowed the seed, sfd was interested and that was enough for me, I was in. Can I get a couple of extra tickets asked sfd, one for a friend doing the 92 and one for Andy. A name from the past back from the fanzine days. This was shaping up to be another great day. But in the back of mind five lads in a Polo don't go. Squeezing in the whole family and my mum when we go out for a meal is hard enough and that's generally a 15-minute drive. Fuck it, we'll work it out on the day.

By the time Rich and myself reached Bristol we'd discovered the most points needed to get promoted in second. And the least. Name a promotion permutation we'd discussed it. But now the big one - how were we going to get us all to Accrington. Two cars made sense from a comfort point of view. But the whole point of an Argyle away day is the shite we chat about on the journey. Now I like Rich and it made sense, especially for us on the journey back, but we're supposed to be in it together. Fuck it, my car has slightly more leg room that yours, I'll drive. Better for the environment. Plus sfd looked knackered having only just returned from yet another European jaunt. Don't forget to buy his forthcoming book folks. It's looking good.

Well it was more than a squeeze, seat belts were a nightmare to clunk click until a system was worked out at Stafford services, elbows jabbed and Lee's knee might be never be the same again but stories were told, the world was put right and the miles flew by. So much so that the Accrington turn off was missed as we discussed how every road sign along the M65 led to yet another footballing town. For us boys from the southwest this is always a big deal. Signs pointing to Liskeard, Tavistock and Exeter where they apparently have football teams too just aren't quite the same.

I could post this on that promotion thread but the one issue is the higher up the pyramid the shittier the traffic, the more difficult the parking and the longer the away trip. These things matter when you're already behind the wheel for half a day and the beauty of Accrington is being able to park right outside the Crown pub and neary a traffic cone or pay meter in sight. We ate pies and four fifths of us drank pints and with the rain getting heavier left if until the last minute. Of course the other side to promotion is covered away ends but the thing is these things don't matter so much. And anyway the Accrington stewards were quite happy to let us use our terrace tickets to access the seats. That doesn't happen much elsewhere either. But actually after ten minutes taking advantage my body was telling me that I needed to stand and when do you get to stand now, even at this level.

Argyle took an early lead from ex-Stanley Matt Butcher whose shot got deflected not once but twice and by the time it looped in appeared to moving in slow motion. We decided that long balls over the top for Ryan Hardie to chase was the route to success, Accrington chose the niggly foul route to disrupt the flow at every opportunity. They got booked, but Argyle were no angels either, 'nice to get a northern ref on our side for once' said Andy as yet another late tackle by a green shirt went unpunished. Eventually, an Accrington player saw red. It was a bit of a joke.

Second half, like the weather was just more bluster. Stanley started to leave gaps and eventually Danny Mayor found Connor Grant whose low shot from a tight angle relieved our nerves. Text messages relaying the score from Barnsley had us all on edge too. We had a couple more chances, Hardie somehow managing to hit both posts yet the ball bounce clear from an angle similar to Grant's goal, but we'd done enough.

'Let's take the points and get on the road' said sfd. And we did, conversation doesn't always flow so readily as the clock ticks past midnight and I was starting to feel it as the Welcome to Plymouth sign appeared in front of us. But it's only another fifteen minutes before another great away can be put in the memory, ready to be talked about again another time.

A: Oh getting five lads in a VW Polo is piss easy if you're doing Accrington away on a Tuesday night.

[seand]

Promotion chasing or not 689 is a ludicrous number to take from Plymouth to Accrington on a Tuesday night in Division 3.

[longeared]

Maltby Main 1-1 Sheffield (aet; Maltby Main win 3-2 on pelanties)
Sheffield & Hallamshire Senior Cup Semi Final

Maltby kicked off and hoofed the ball into touch after it got caught on the wind, from which Sheffield progressed back up the field and scored. The rapid start to the game continued when Maltby equalised from fifth minute corner, which must be the earliest ever equaliser I've seen. Unfortunately this gave a misleading impression of the game as a whole to an impressive crowd of 245, as the rest of it veered between "dull" and "turgid", rather reinforcing the belief that in these parts the difference between step 4 and 5 players is less ability and more how far they are prepared to travel. A huge rainstorm swept in with 15 left which was visually impressive and at one points the sheets of rain actually made it lighter. There wasn't any immediate threat to the game, though that may not have been the case had it had happened an hour earlier.

They played extra time as these are the weird rules at this stage of this competition and that was similarly wet and not any better ("take a poll of the fans and see if we want another turgid 30 minutes of this" said somebody) though it got stretched and squelchy in the latter stages as the players tired. Anyway we finally reached pelanties which was the speediest shoot out you've ever seen, even what with two balls being kicked out of the ground. Maltby's keeper saved Sheffield's fifth kick and then came up to win it himself, the whole ground fell totally silent and he slotted his kick under the keeper's dive and there were some wet and joyful celebrations. Maltby advance to the final for the second consecutive season where they will face Emley and now we face the annual game of wondering what batshit idea the county FA will come up with for the staging of the fixture.

[Greenlander]

Promotion chasing or not 689 is a ludicrous number to take from Plymouth to Accrington on a Tuesday night in Division 3.

Not that a sample of five lads in a VW Polo and sfd's nephew who came up on the coach means much but probably not much over that 50% would actually have made the trip up from Devon.

[jameswba]

45 minutes before the hotly anticipated Slovakia vs Luxembourg game...

[super furry dice]

Tuesday night away games are the best away games. A message from Rich a couple of weeks back sowed the seed, sfd was interested and that was enough for me, I was in. Can I get a couple of extra tickets asked sfd, one for a friend doing the 92 and one for Andy. A name from the past back from the fanzine days. This was shaping up to be another great day. But in the back of mind five lads in a Polo don't go. Squeezing in the whole family and my mum when we go out for a meal is hard enough and that's generally a 15-minute drive. Fuck it, we'll work it out on the day.

Excellent post on a cracking trip. Absolutely agree on midweek aways and i'm glad you persuaded me to move over to the terracing.

[jameswba]

Slovakia 0 Luxembourg 0 (Euro 2024 Qualifying)

I've just realised I haven't seen Slovakia score in the four live games I've attended since Covid. On this showing, it's hard to see them scoring ever again. They had one real chance, when debutant Robert Polievka's header was brilliantly saved.

Luxembourg forced Dubravka into two decent saves in the first-half, and should have won it with 15 minutes left. The Slovak defence opened up in front of Gerson Rodrigues, only for him to slice his effort hopelessly high and wide.

Apathy reigned in the home sections, but the 100 or so visitors amongst the 3,523 present seemed to enjoy themselves.

[seand]

Drogheda 0-1 Dundalk, att: a sold out 2,200.
A game best described as "very derby", played at 100 mph with precious few moments of quality. If Drogheda played a bit more ball they'd be a decent side and would have won here, but frantic 1980s football was the order of the day. One lovely goal and a last minute penalty save won it for Dundalk. Raucous atmosphere, awful match, a great night out ends with the home fans skulking away to a rousing chorus of Forever, forever, forever in our shadow!

Peamount v Ballyoulster u15
I'm currently at Peamount waiting for the boy's u15 game. Peamount are best known for their women's teams, but they have very strong boys teams now up to u18. The country's premier women's club have a nice setup, but like Doncaster Belles they're about to be steamrolled by the professional clubs setting up women's teams. Shamrock Rovers signed a dozen top players from Peamount and other well established clubs ahead of their debut season.

Peamount United 0-2 Ballyoulster United u15, att 35
A fine away win for the lads. With a couple of games to go they'll finish in the top half of the table after getting bumped up two divisions. A good season.

Ireland 3-2 Latvia, Att: a frankly ludicrous 42,000 (mainly because tickets were paired with the France game on Monday)
Funny sort of game. An experimental Ireland looked good for 25 minutes, racing into a 2-0 lead before throwing away two goals before halftime. Safe to say Caoimhin Kelleher won't be in goal on Monday. Did enough second half to run out deserved winners over the 140th best team in the world. Game was somewhat notable for a trio of debuts.... Southampton/Stoke's WIll Smallbone was excellent, Scotland underage international Mikey Johnston looked great as an impact sub on his debut after switching allegiance and the great white hope of Irish football Evan Ferguson scored a neat poacher's goal in a satisfactory debut at 18.