I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington FC - Matchgoing April 23 - 29

[Ray de Galles]

I'm off to Rustington v Rottingdean Village in the Southern Combination D2 Supplementary Shield on Saturday.

I'm not quite sure why, I think the location appealed to me because of reference to the village in 'The Gnu' by Flanders & Swann. This contrasts nicely with the fact that the club's shirt sponsors are Royal Blood, a rather different duo - though I like both acts.

I've also realised during the various lockdowns that I just like visiting seaside towns/clubs (a side effect of growing up in one, I suppose) and actually enjoy the drive to the south coast from the London/Surrey border - even though I'm not very car-orientated. I think I just like the sense of escape and change of scenery.

[Nocturnal Submission]

I'm not quite sure why, I think the location appealed to me because of reference to the village in 'The Gnu' by Flanders & Swann. This contrasts nicely with the fact that the club's shirt sponsors are Royal Blood, a rather different duo though I like both acts.

Ben Thatcher being a Rustington native, of course.

It's a lovely little place.

[Artificial Hipster]

Ashton United have cracking old ground, Ray, if you wanted to follow the course of the song. I'll give you the fact that they won't be playing as an excuse though.

I'll be heading back into east Lancs for the, er, West Lancs League Regional Cup game between Haslingden St. Mary's and Burnley United having hopefully managed to gain access to the crumbling and overgrown remains of a former ground in Haslingden first.

[Ray de Galles]

Whilst I'm sure I'll get to Ashton one day it's never actually been quite clear to me if the encounter with a gnu's head in the second verse happens there or in Rustington.

[Etienne]

Yes, it's a bit ambiguous, but I reckon it's in Rustington.

It's a very odd itinerary.

[pebblethefish]

They've got a very good florist in Rustington as well, if you want to pop in and pick up a bouquet while you're there (this is literally the only thing I know about Rustington).

[Simon G]

My u10s are at home this weekend to Bidford Bolts. We drew 2-2 with them earlier in the season before losing 4-0 in a friendly the weekend before the December lockdown came into force. Had that lockdown not been imminent though, the game would have been postponed because the rain was absolutely horrific that morning and my boys simply didn't get up for it.

As much as I'm looking forward to my constantly improving boys getting going this weekend, I am down to referee and I'm really, really dreading it. I hate reffing training matches for the last 10 mins of training on a Tuesday, let alone an actual game.

[Artificial Hipster]

Yes, it's a bit ambiguous, but I reckon it's in Rustington.

I know nothing about Rustington but my maternal grandfather was born in Ashton Barracks which had by then been re-named to commemorate the role of the Manchester Regiment (including my great grandfather) in the Siege of Ladysmith during the Second Boer War. Now that's a lot of men from one small town to be in the vicinity of a lot of gnu for there not to be the possibility that the odd hunting trophy didn't make it back to Lancashire and music hall fame.

I think it's Rustington too though.

[Simon G]

Tewkesbury Town Pumas 3-1 Bidford Bolts

The boys were fantastic this morning when coming up against a very physical Bidford team. The first goal came from a long throw into the box, which was knocked out to the corner of the box where our left-winger was waiting to rifle a half volley into the corner. The second came from a free-kick - our number 9 lobbed the ball into box, it was nodded out to our centre-mid who took a touch and rifled it into the top corner. As ref, I was stood right behind our lad when he hit it and as soon as it left his foot I could see it was going in. 2-0 at half-time.

The second half, we sat back and invited pressure a bit, looking to catch Bidford on the break and our keeper (more on him in a bit) was called into action a few times. However, from a corner he had absolutely no chance when a ball was lashed at him from a few yards and it was 2-1 with 9 mins to go. Our boys stood firm though and in a breakaway in the last seconds, our forward picked up the ball in the area and knocked it past the on-rushing keeper at his near post to make it 3-1.

I'm so delighted for the boys, there was a lot of nigglyness today, some threats from their boys as well (one said to our 9 - "I'm going to smash your face in after the game") and a complaint is going in about one of their parents who, in the first half I had to have words with (including a "if you want to volunteer to do it, I have a whistle in my bag that hasn't been taken out of it's packaging since I bought it"). Apparently he also shouted something at our keeper, which I didn't hear, that wasn't warranted and could be construed as quite threatening to a 10 year old. His dad, my co-coach, was raging when he found out after the game (I only found out about it when I got home).

Also, a word for our keeper. He took a knock on the hand in the 1st half, told no-one about it and played through to the end of the game, playing the best I've seen in some time. When he took his gloves off after, his left hand had ballooned - though he can move his fingers now so it seems to be just bruising. That's some fantastic bravery from a boy who didn't want to let his team down. And to think, I've questioned his bravery at times this season.

[andrew7610]

Great report, Simon.

When my son plays in goal (under 9s) he wears a rugby skull cap like Petr Cech, and is definitely much braver as a result. I'm surprised more junior keepers don't wear them.

[Simon G]

That's interesting, I've never considered that.

The poor lad was bawling at the end of the game, but hadn't hinted at anything throughout, maybe he was playing on adrenaline. We've haven't been 2 up very often (this is only our 5th win in 2 years) so I think he wanted to be part of what is a big result for us.

[Artificial Hipster]

Haslingden St. Mary's 4-1 Burnley United
West Lancs League Regional Cup

There must be something in the east Lancashire air that inspires the budding discount footwear magnate. 90% of my childhood shoes came from Blackburn’s famous Tommy Ball’s and it was only after years pleading not to suffer any longer the indignity of turning up for school in shoes with either their labels snipped off or their brand names gouged out that my parents finally relented and took me instead to Tommy’s great rival, Winfields of Haslingden.

Yesterday was my first visit to this old wool town since my last visit to Winfields though I’ve been through it more recently having taken the kids on the East Lancashire Railway ‘Santa Special’ a few Christmases ago. My curiosity then was piqued by the existence of the strange, abandoned ground right by the rail track named for a place I’d until then never heard of and which certainly appeared to have no connection to Haslingden.

Purely on account of having added their name to the Ewood Bridge ground’s solitary stand (albeit only the ‘FC’ remains today) and despite playing there for just two seasons it will be the ill-starred Stand Athletic (from the part of Bury whose dubious claim to fame is being where the members of musical knitwear, Elbow met) who shall remain forever associated with the ground given that seemingly every photo of it in existence shows the stand with their name on it. Stand moved here in 2000, joined the NWCL the following year, won the Second Division title in their first season but were denied promotion due to problems with the ground and promptly moved out. They didn’t survive the decade.

They should have learnt from the experiences of their predecessors. Haslingden FC won the NWCL Division Two title in 1993 at their first attempt but, owing to problems with the ground, weren’t promoted until 1997. They survived one season in the top flight before financial problems forced them to fold just a few years before they reached their centenary.

St. Mary’s have long since passed that milestone having been around since 1887 albeit not at their current ground which I entered without high hopes for the game, the only difference between the results of the two teams since the re-start being the solitary goal scored by the visitors in racking up three successive defeats. I needn’t have worried. The large crowd in attendance was served up what with all due hyperbole I can only describe as Champagne football from start to finish by a very youthful home team many of whom looked barely old enough to drink. They led by just the one at half time, a personal tragedy for the visitor’s keeper who having almost mis-controlled a back pass into his own net, just about managed to regain control of the ball before senselessly pushing an onrushing striker to the deck for a penalty. Three second half goals, all from flowing moves were the least Haslingden deserved against opponents who, to their credit, never gave up and looked briefly in with a chance of getting back into the game when a fine move of their own was finished off clinically to make it 3-1 but the fourth wasn’t long in coming.

Oh and I trust that on this occasion the teams colours go without saying.

[Nocturnal Submission]

Magnificently decrepit.

I'm surprised that people are allowed to sit in that stand.

[Southport Zeb]

I went to Calverley, in the borderlands between Leeds and Bradford. After a pleasant walk along the canal, I went to Victoria Park and watched a bit of cricket before the football started. Calverley United are in the Supreme Division of the Yorkshire Amateur League - below this are the Premier Division, Championship, and then Division One as the fourth tier - and are set for a mid-table finish. Their visitors, in a similar league position, were Leeds Medics & Dentists whose club badge is a skull and crossbones.

This was not a game that will last particularly long in the memory, with Calverley scoring the only goal shortly after half time. Both goalkeepers pulled off a couple of good saves, but more often the forwards seemed more intent on kicking the ball into the surrounding trees than into the goal.

[Artificial Hipster]

Magnificently decrepit.

I'm surprised that people are allowed to sit in that stand.

I guess it's because there's no real danger of anything collapsing. I was fully intent on clambering over fences while ignoring any 'no trespassing' signs present and must confess to being a little disappointed with how easy it was to access the place.

[Ray de Galles]

Rustington 2 Rottingdean Village 1
Southern Combination D2 Supplementary Shield
Rustington Sports & Social Club

I had less time prior to kick-off to wander round than I'd planned due to a busy morning and there hadn't seemed to be much on offer in Rustington itself when I checked in advance Instead, I went in to Littlehampton, lured by the promise of Britain's Longest Bench and the architecture of the East Beach Cafe, neither of which disappointed.

Consequently I only got to Rustington's ground five minutes before kick-off and by that time there were already over two hundred people surrounding the pitch and packing the outdoor tables of their neat little clubhouse. This was the hosts last group game of the stand in season-ending tournament and it had clearly grabbed the imagination locally. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it had tempted out Rolling Stone Charlie Watts to act as linesman, though he'd had to borrow one of Keef's headbands due to his lockdown hair.



The game was a feisty, end-to-end affair played in a swirling wind. Rustington initially dominated with a series of attacking set pieces before Rottingdean broke from one of them to score a counter-attacking goal against the run of play. The visitors were ahead for only a few minutes before a home forward thumped a header in off the underside of the bar, possibly crossing the line via the unlucky teenage keeper's back.

The same forward then pole-axed the keeper completely deliberately following an overhit pass which sparked off aggro between the two teams that would continue throughout the rest of the game. It also prompted a running argument between one visiting fan and some home supporters which ultimately had the Rustington left back joining and offering to continue the row off the pitch.

The home team also spent the whole game appealing for decisions no matter how absurdly unwarranted and doing so in a prolonged and really obnoxious manner. At half time their coach approached the ref and could be heard complaining "It's embarrassing!" to which I always think the response should be "Yeah mate, but not in the way you think".

Rustington actually piled on the pressure for most of the second half but were thwarted by multiple superb saves from the Rottingdean keeper. I didn't know what the standings were for progress in the competition but it seemed like both sides needed a win and tempers frayed as they sought it. The hosts carried on doing so unpleasantly, eventually neglecting to throw the ball back to the opposition after they'd kicked it out for a head injury to one of their players. This prompted a ruckus amongst a lot of players where the worst offender seemed to be Rustington's number 12, the smallest most aggressive man on the pitch.

It was then I realised the bloke nearest to me was the injured player's dad who was still concerned about his son and that the physio who treated him was the same fan who had been involved in the row with home fans and a player in the first half. I later saw him peel off a note from a huge roll in his pocket to give to a subbed player to get some drinks so I'm intrigued as to the extent of his role at the club.

The Rottingdean coaches and bench had displayed such a great attitude while the home team embarrassed themselves that I was really willing them on to get a winner and as time ticked away they looked the likeliest to do so as the wind had now shifted directly behind them. A goal seemed inevitable but in the end it came for Rustington in the final passage of play of injury when their left back completely mishit a cross which held up in the wind beating the keeper who certainly didn't deserve his bad luck after an excellent display. It was exacerbated by the home number 12 running around taunting opposition players who had collapsed crestfallen.

The whistle went right after the restart and Rottingdean were clapped off by the visiting support and some home fans, to be fair. It appears that Rustington's win had secured them a semi-final place with Rottingdean having a final game on Tuesday which might offer them a chance to qualify.

[Ray de Galles]

Storrington 2 Wick 3
Southern Combination D1 Supplementary Shield
Pulborough Road

At this stage I'll admit that part of the reason for I'm seeking out games is to ensure I have a direct distraction from Wimbledon's matches as part of their relegation battle. I hate watching them on streams or following them by text and The Dons have also been on a run of much better form since I've had live matches to be at instead.

It took a bit of effort finding a game tonight before discovering this one on a floodlit public pitch in a small town in West Sussex I've never heard of before. They had a basic set up adjoining a leisure centre with a playground in one corner where around twenty moody-looking youths congregated watching the game and making up around half the crowd. It was an entertaining match, even if I did in the end succumb to following the news from Plough Lane's insane switchback ride.

The home team had some players who we're so young-looking that I initially wondered if I'd got the fixtures mixed up and come to an age group game, it was only when the visitors walked out that I was assured it was a senior match. I took against Wick a little from the start when it was clear their keeper was wearing the number 10 on his shirt and that was exacerbated by the fact that there was an outfield player also wearing 10.

The offending keeper let in a goal early on from a thumping header after a corner was only partially cleared and crossed back in. Wick got a surprising equaliser when they beat a clumsy offside trap and their striker rather ponderously rounded the keeper and eventually slotted home. The youngest looking home player (the most impressive on either side) scored a lovely solo effort to put them 2-1 up at half time.

The game turned around in the second half and was all Wick. I missed their second goal discovering the news about Wimbledon's dramatic 97th minute equaliser and only realised it had been scored when I looked up to see Storrington restarting the game. They then dominated the remainder of the match and finally got a headed winner from a corner with around ten minutes left.

I hope The Dons manage to secure safety with this weekend's game, for obvious reasons but also because I'm going to struggle to find a noon Sunday kick-off to coincide with their final fixture.

[Artificial Hipster]

Whalley Range 3-2 Holmes Chapel
Cheshire League Division Two

Suburban South Manchester doesn't quite offer the scenery I've enjoyed since the re-start but I wasn't let down by the quality of the football on offer, nor indeed the hospitality from an excellent little bar. I spent the first half chatting to someone who'd been on Rochdale's books when I first started going to Spotland before a mate joined me at half time. I'd forgotten quite how quickly he can neck a pint and I'm rather regretting my efforts to keep up with him now.

Whalley Range are a club on the up who have no intention of remaining at this level for long. Their no.4 sprayed some fine passes about the pitch throughout the game, undoubtedly the worst of which being the cross which sailed over the visiting keeper's head to give his side an early lead. My only complaint as the home side dominated the first half was their insistence on trying to thread champagne through balls for their strikers to run on to at every single opportunity where a slightly more patient build up would surely have reaped greater rewards. Then on around the 40 minute mark a champagne through ball for their no. 10 to run onto saw him round the keeper with ease and slam home for no.2

With a comfortable half time lead all but assured their keeper experienced one of those rushes of blood to the head that keepers occasionally do, diving recklessly at the feet of a striker who was running away from goal to concede a penalty which was converted with the last kick of the half. It wasn't that he'd been entirely redundant up to then but for the first 15 minutes or so of the second half he was a virtual spectator until a loose pass in the centre of the pitch was picked up by a Chapel midfielder who set a teammate free for a similar finish to the home side's second. Chances then followed at either end with both keepers making point blank saves to keep the scores level. The winner came from a fine move down the left, a cross swung in which was met with a bullet header into the top corner - in essence the perfect winning goal.

"Corners!" screamed the Range manager every time his team gained possession from around the 85 minute mark onwards, leaving no doubt about where he expected the ball to be taken for safekeeping. An important part of football of course is game management. If only it had been employed equally as successfully elsewhere in the country around the same time yesterday evening..

[Ray de Galles]

That good dog looks like he doubts your credentials as official photographer, AH.

[Artificial Hipster]

He wasn't one for adhering to social distancing rules. We were very intimate for a moment just after this photo was taken.

[Ray de Galles]

Artificial Hipster I am unfathomably impressed,

[Third rate Leszno]

Aintree Villa 2-3 Redgate Rovers (West Cheshire league division 1)



Villa came into this game bottom of the league with one win from 10 games. Visitors Redgate lay 6th with 5 wins and a draw from their 12 played.

Redgate are a Formby team, but currently have a ground share at the JMO Sports Park with Skelmersdale Utd. Aintree play (unsurprisingly) at the Racecourse, with some of the wilder clearances on one side landing on the chase course. On the other side is a golf driving range and at one end is the motor racing circuit, formerly home to the British GP and nowadays to track days and motorbike racing.

I'd misjudged just how cold the wind would be and spent a lot of the game pacing up and down to keep warm. The players had no need as this was a really entertaining game with plenty of action at both ends. Redgate took an early lead with a close range finish dinked over the home keeper. Villa were probably the better side in the first half though, with a couple of very slight young players looking much more capable on the ball than some of the err, more robust senior players.

After the break, Villa won a penalty and equalised, before one of the young lads cut into the box and curled a great finish beyond the keeper to make it 2-1, to very enthusiastic celebrations. They deserved the lead too.

Sadly they couldn't see it out and after one Redgate near miss the Aintree keeper collided with one of his defenders and couldn't continue. I'm not sure his replacement was a keeper to be honest, but he had no chance with the equaliser which came from a penalty that looked questionable at best from where I was at the far end. A couple of minutes later (and with nearly 90 on the clock), Redgate sealed the win with a low shot past the outstretched hand of the sub keeper. I felt for Villa as they had deserved something from the match.

Crowd peaked at about 25 plus two non-league dogs.

[Ray de Galles]

Although I forgot that I'd had my own dog featured in the account's earlier days ;

https://twitter.com/nonleaguedogs/status/931220578312351744?s=21

[Southport Zeb]

I first went to Whalley Range a few years ago for a Lancashire Cup tie. With it having already been postponed a couple of times, both sides were keen to get the match on. It had been wet in the week and the far edge of the pitch was waterlogged. However both teams and the referee agreed that the sideline could be brought in a couple of metres on that side and so someone was sent out to mark the new line.

I have a memory that Whalley Range had been hit by a fire shortly before my first visit - certainly the clubhouse was in a very sorry state. I visited again for a friendly at the start of this season and was impressed at the improvements since.

I've been to three matches this week. On Monday I watched AFC Tyldesley thrash Red Lions 8-2 in the bottom division of the Wigan League, although sticking a 1 in front of Tyldesley's score would give a better assessment of the balance of play. The game was played at St George's Park, primarily the home of the town's rugby union club, and on the fairly short list of grounds overlooked by a guided busway.

Access to public transport was less good at yesterday's game, which took place in the remote village of Dent (there is a Dent station on the Settle-Carlisle line but it is about four miles from the village). The village side merged with nearby Sedbergh a couple of years ago, and mainly play in the latter location but are playing the remaining games of this season in Dent. Sedbergh & Dent started out the better side but only scored one in the first half before Kendal based Ibis improved and deservedly equalised in the second half. A 6:45 kickoff coupled with overcast conditions meant that visibility wasn't the greatest by the end.

Back to the bottom division of the Wigan League tonight and the bottom of the table clash in Leigh. Home side Sevenbrooks were one of the most hopeless sides I've seen in a while, whilst visiting Ormskirk Reserves had players who seemed more comfortable on the ball but sketchy on concepts like teamwork. It finished 4-2 to Ormskirk, who were reduced to nine by the end after two players were sinbinned, with one getting a red card for swearing in response to the initial yellow card.

[Uros Predic]

Although I forgot that I'd had my own dog featured in the account's earlier days ;

I just can't picture you with a dog. I know you've had it a few years now, but still.



EDIT: You're going to text me pictures of you and your dog now aren't you