Premier League Players I Just Like XI

[gavc23]

GK - Willy Caballero, big fan of third choice goalkeepers living the sweet life and Willy shows that it’s not a good English lad’s club. We also share a haircut

LB - Oleksandr Zinchenko, I like players that look really pleased to be there and seem to appreciate how lucky they are. His Ukrainian rap videos are also tremendous

CH - Toby Alderweireld, footballers shouldn’t be called Toby but he owns it with aplomb. Vague recollections he’s done nice things too, but can’t remember what

CH - Davy Propper, mostly for the name, apparently his middle name is Wenceslaus too which makes it even better

RB - Branislav Ivanovic, I like footballers who look like they’ve seen things, he looks like he’s seen things

MF - Sander Berge, like Zinchenko he looks happy to be here

MF - Wilfred Ndidi, doesn’t look like he’s big enough to do what he does. But does it well. Doesn’t seem irritating either

Wing - Jeff Schlupp, satisfying name to say

Wing - Allan Saint Maximin, very very fast, like a winger should be.

AT - Aleksander Mitrovic, manages to run around a lot despite still appearing lazy

AT - Willian, just do

[EIM]

GK: Allison (he's a religious nut, but he seems alright)
RB: bellerin (He could murder six people in cold blood, but that two-hander with jeremy corbyn where they switched to spanish to exclude Piers Morgan would still get him on this list)
CB: Zouma (there's a reason his middle name is Happy)
CB: Van Dijk. (Very good player, seems grand, doesn't seem to resort to thuggery)
LB: Dan Burn. (I like the way that he has steadfastly refused to acknowledge that being 2 metres tall is too tall to be a full back).
CM: Wijnaldum. (Good player, rarely violent, the swarte piet stuff was impressive)
CM: Kante.(That story about going home with a couple of arsenal fans for dinner, after meeting them in the mosque, and spending the night playing Fifa, and watching MOTD is a winner)
CM: Mount (Seems like a decent enough guy trapped in a world of twats and cunts.)
LW: Sterling (They have always been out to get him, he does not give one fuck)
CF Aguero. (cornerstone of the North west fishing scene, has made some quality videos of him watching football, really good player, who is clearly a pawn in his own career)
RW Antonio. (He's got to be in here somewhere. I can see him clambering out of that person's shed trying to get the Olaf Costume off his face, Clearly can't believe that it's all going so well)

Sterling barely pips mane, Yes Mane occasionally absentmindedly tries to kill people, but he did This "Look at his face, just look at his face."

This list is a fucking disgrace

[matt j]

I do wonder how many of these players are getting picked because they just actually look like they are actually having fun playing. I mean Mane, Tielemans, and Antonio especially have (or appear to have) genuine smiles.

[blameless]

Forgot to mention upthread, one of the guys I work with used to play youth football with Michail Antonio and says he's every bit as good a sort as he appears to be on telly.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Incredibly unfair commentary on both Tielemans and Romeu, neither of whom are particularly dirty players. Being a central midfielder in the modern game, or indeed at any time is a very difficult job ( it was the one position I could never get the hang of). The ball moves so quickly, and it's your job to get it back, that the slightest misjudgement has you categorised as a thug.

He did it again just there. After a whole bunch of interventions that should have brought a booking, he ends a wolves player's slaloming run past three players, with a two footed sliding tackle from behind. Wolves waste the free kick, then southampton go up the other end and make it 2-0.

[elguapo4]

Ok Berba, you're right. He's a thug and I officially hate him.

[Third rate Leszno]

I do wonder how many of these players are getting picked because they just actually look like they are actually having fun playing. I mean Mane, Tielemans, and Antonio especially have (or appear to have) genuine smiles.

Yeah, and on the flip side if I were to do my Terrible Cunts XI I think it would include all the humourless snarling gobshites who spend entire matches looking like they're being forced to clean out the bogs at Euston station.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

haha, fair enough. I suppose it is worth remembering that everyone's list here is a result of selection bias or selective exposure, and I'm sure that plenty of people on my list are deceptive manipulative bastards who I think I like because I have fallen for their facade of decency. You sometimes have to watch a lot of games to pick up that a player is a bit of a bastard, but once you see it, it becomes increasingly hard to ignore.

[andrew7610]

CB: Van Dijk. (Very good player, seems grand, doesn't seem to resort to thuggery)

The fact that he is undoubtedly a majestic defender, and playing for a BRC, seems to have blinded people to the fact that he went on strike for 6 months at Southampton in order to force his transfer, the stroppy twat.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

See, that's kind of what I meant. I had completely forgotten about that. Though over time I've found myself increasingly siding with players in that situation.

[Sporting]

See, that's kind of what I meant. I had completely forgotten about that. Though over time I've found myself increasingly siding with players in that situation.

Why?

[3 Colours Red]

Probably because the restrictions regarding players' lack of freedom of movement is technically illegal.

[denishurley]

As well as the Walsh quote, if you ever get to see him play it really does seem like he's absolutely everywhere at once and I mean that as a compliment.

No team to contribute, but it amuses me how a player being everywhere is good but all over the place is bad

[Lang Spoon]

Probably because the restrictions regarding players' lack of freedom of movement is technically illegal.

yeah it's a bit weird that we are supposed to take the side of the clubs enforcing contracts in these situations. can't think of any other industry where we would be supporting the boss class.

[Ray de Galles]

Zaha justifying his selection in my opening post by being pretty much single-handedly making an otherwise terribly mundane Palace v Leeds game watchable.

I may have to review the rest of the squad though.

[ursus arctos]

I have this on and would not readily concur on "watchable"

[ursus arctos]

Immediately after I posted that, Palace with a back pass to the keeper from the centre circle

[Ray de Galles]

Fair point. Zaha is watchable, the rest has been drek.

Benteke might be a candidate to replace Giroud in my squad actually.