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    Rant about commentators

    Apologies if this has been covered before, but commentators annoy the hell out of me talking about

    1. Periods! There’s a first half and a second half. It’s not that difficult.
    2. Deliveries! It’s football and they’re crossing the ball, not delivering pizzas or the mail.
    3. Campaigns! Football is played over seasons, not campaigns.

    also why don’t they talk in proper sentences “he did well there, did Kane”. “He’s been a threat all night, has Salah”. ‘They’re playing a high line, are Liverpool”. “They’ve played the offside trap well, have Chelsea”

    Also just using Christian names, eg, Trent, Jack, Harry etc.

    rant over.

    #2
    To be fair, by using Trent they're using one less Christian name than they would otherwise.

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      #3
      That's very restrained

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        #4
        "A great hit" what's wrong with the word shot, we've being using it for over a century.

        One that I think Gary Neville started, though loads are now copying, is the "He / they really " at the end of a sentence, e.g " Rashford made that look easy, he really did " " City look like champions, they really do ".

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          #5
          If commentators followed these strictures, their commentaries would be incredibly dull and repetitive. There are only a relatively small number of things that happen in Football matches, and they often happen repeatedly in the course of games. Having lots of alternative words for what are fundamentally the same actions that you need to refer to multiple times to properly describe a match is as necessary in spoken language as it is in writing.

          Gary Neville's verbal ticks are a whole 'nother thing, though.

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            #6
            People copying Gary Neville's phrasing is the same as when they all copied Andy Gray's "What a chance. What. A. Chance.", which he always came out with after any sort of near miss, filling the time before the replay was available.

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              #7
              First names are a bugbear of mine.

              In a commentary context that is, not generally.

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                #8
                Commentators should restrict themselves to the phrases "Goal" (followed by current score) and "penalty/free kick/corner/throw-in/goal kick to team X". Everything else is superfluous. This is one reason I dislike supposedly insightful commentators even more than shit ones - it's like having a verbose Bloke Behind You.

                When possible I find a stream in a language I don't understand, which is less annoying, but usually I've got music on anyway. Ideally there would be a feed with just the sound of the match and no commentary. Fancy modern TVs must offer this option, surely.

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                  #9
                  Thirded on the first name thing

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                    #10
                    Yeah I hate the first name thing. Dunno whether it's just a generation thing and the crop of 'recently' retired players becoming pundits.

                    Commentators are far too verbose these days, and it fucks me off that they might be in mid sentence talking about some player or other when a goal is scored, which they barely register (usually Martin Tyler).

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                      #11
                      If they're going to use first names it needs to be all the players, otherwise none.

                      And I still prefer the lone commentator.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by delicatemoth View Post
                        Ideally there would be a feed with just the sound of the match and no commentary. Fancy modern TVs must offer this option, surely.
                        Depends on the company offering the match, at least in Spain. Here there is sometimes an option between fake crowd or the lack of.

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                          #13
                          Conversely, I love it when commentators use first names. It offers such an easy window into their soul, knowing that they're desperate to pretend that the players are their friends. So when you lot hear "He's done well there, has Harry," I hear the unspoken "and the other night in the bar he nodded at me, and we'd have had a good chat but the jukebox was too loud, but you know, he's a great bloke, and he's my mate, he is"

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                            #14
                            Tony Gubba was the first one that really annoyed me, with his "that was always going in"... Always? Fucker.

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                              #15
                              Nigel Blackwell of HMHB was asked what inspired the song Gubba Lookalikes

                              "His blandness interests me"

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                                #16
                                On a similar theme, during the Chelsea/Spurs game I noticed the linesman offering his hand to a sprawled Chelsea player. The camera moved on too quickly to see if the player accepted it but the look on his face suggested not.

                                It was like the linesman was thinking, we’re in this together mate and the player, and the rest of the world, was thinking we’re really not.

                                Then I started thinking how the game couldn’t be played without the linesman so was he more important but then many, many more people could be linesmen, or indeed linespeople, than top level professional footballers so maybe not.

                                The game wasn’t really holding my attention. Until halftime when JJ absolutely evicerated The Special One. I don’t ever recall a manager being called out for a useless, unpopular twat quite like that before.

                                He didn’t actually say it but what he meant was the players are all really unhappy and not playing for the manager. They possibly wouldn’t get away with that in a full stadium, but that was what they were doing and JJ showed it clearly with his clips. I think he’s a really good pundit. Intelligent, speaks well, usually knows what he’s talking about.

                                Can’t be too long before he gets his own spin off series. Canal Boating around Norfolk with Jermaine Jenas. Maybe with a slightly more experienced Co-presenter like former BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce. Then we’d also get a frisson of sexual tension to enlarge the viewing figures. It would be a winner.

                                But they might start him off in an established programme like Springwatch where he would not only gain valuable presenting experience but also tick a vital diversity box.

                                Its fucking win-win JJ! Does anyone have his agent’s number?
                                Last edited by Erskine Bridges; 05-02-2021, 16:09.

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                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by Duncan Gardner View Post
                                  Nigel Blackwell of HMHB was asked what inspired the song Gubba Lookalikes

                                  "His blandness interests me"
                                  I met Tony Gubba. He was very charming.

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                                    #18
                                    First names - absolutely, and all day long (to coin another o'er-used commentators' phrase).

                                    There's also a weird use of the present tense in the past that bugs me, but I can't think of a decent example at present.

                                    I have no issue with 'delivering', however - it doesn't just mean someone knocking at your door with a package. (Let's just say that I'd have been somewhat alarmed had either of my daughters been presented to me this way...)

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                                      #19
                                      Avoid Jermaine's brother Hugh- he's a bit of an arse

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                                        #20
                                        I've said it before, but a slight variation on the first name thing is when it is two syllables and the surname is one syllable. So most players will be referred to by surname only but a player with the 2-1 syllable thing will get the full name. Harry Kane. Danny Ings. Robbie Keane.

                                        "Wood... McNeil... Westwood... Ashley Barnes"

                                        "Moura... to Harry Kane.. to Son..."

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                                          #21
                                          Originally posted by Jah Womble View Post
                                          There's also a weird use of the present tense in the past that bugs me, but I can't think of a decent example at present.
                                          Do you mean the incessant use of the present perfect?

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                                            #22
                                            When comparing a football club to a group of other clubs, whether that group is perceived by the commentator to be bigger / smaller / richer / poorer / better or worse, they're referred to as...
                                            "Your Man Uniteds, your Liverpools, your Fulhams, your Burnleys, your Prestons, your Barnsleys" etc. etc.

                                            Just call them by their fucking names, in the singular.

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                                              #23
                                              Originally posted by Sporting View Post
                                              Do you mean the incessant use of the present perfect?
                                              I do indeed.

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                                                #24
                                                "He's delivered the ball well, Clive, he's laid it off on a plate but Harry hasn't been able to finish and he'll be disappointed with that."

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                                                  #25
                                                  I really don't mind delivery, because often (probably most of the time) it's not being hit right 'across' the pitch but just into box at a slight angle with some shape on it. It doesn't really make sense to say someone's crossed it when it was floated towards the back stick from a ten yards outside the box.

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