Rant about commentators

[Ray de Galles]

Janik's made exactly the response I would. You need the odd synonym for regular occurrences in football or commentary would have the monotonous feel of one of those early video games where the same few stock phrases were repeated to distraction.

I'm all for more of it, I'm always thrilled to hear a keeper described as a "custodian" or a similarly esoteric term.

The issue is for commentators to be inventive, interesting, descriptive when required but also to know when not to talk.

[Uncle Ethan]

A good expert commentator makes a broadcast. Anyone can describe a game. I know, I've done it for 25 years or so and off (though I still feel like fraud and find it odd that I get paid to go football every now and again). Good experts bring you insights into tactics and strategy and an idea of what makes a good team tick and a poor one tock.

[johnr]

I can't stand the 'they've missed a few chances there, they could have been 3-0 up' sort of thing. It's a logical fallacy. They might have been 1-0 up if the first miss had gone in, all else is conjecture.

[Jah Womble]

'They'd have taken that before kick-off...' Who cares? That's not an option, is it?

Well, unless you're playing in Italy.

[1974ddr]

When comparing a football club to a group of other clubs, whether that group is perceived by the commentator to be bigger / smaller / richer / poorer / better or worse, they're referred to as...
"Your Man Uniteds, your Liverpools, your Fulhams, your Burnleys, your Prestons, your Barnsleys" etc. etc.

Just call them by their fucking names, in the singular.

Definitely this.

[Jobi1]

This may be the most "Old Man Shouts at Clouds" thread I've ever seen on here.

That said, it drives me nuts when I hear about a player being "denied by the post/bar/woodwork". The frame of the goal does not stop the ball going into said goal – if the shot is not on a trajectory that would see it enter the goal notwithstanding any intervention, then it's a miss.

Sign me up to the Old Man Club.

[Jah Womble]

This may be the most "Old Man Shouts at Clouds" thread I've ever seen on here.

Welcome to 'almost every 'rant' thread on OTF that ever there was'.

[elguapo4]

This may be the most "Old Man Shouts at Clouds" thread I've ever seen on here.

That said, it drives me nuts when I hear about a player being "denied by the post/bar/woodwork". The frame of the goal does not stop the ball going into said goal – if the shot is not on a trajectory that would see it enter the goal notwithstanding any intervention, then it's a miss.

Sign me up to the Old Man Club.

One of us,One of us!

[Sits]

The only annoyance I used to have from commentaries in the old days was when either Barry Davies, Brian Moore or both described players’ socks as “stockings”. Back then I understood stockings to be something ladies wore with suspenders belts at the top. In Mum’s Kay’s catalogue.

[Jah Womble]

The same expression caused some mirth at my primary school when our fusty old headmistress informed the boys that we were to be weighed and measured 'in our stockinged feet'.

[ad hoc]

Brian Moore had a pet phrase "In point of fact" that used to wind me up to a completely disproportionate degree. Nobody else (in life or commentary) ever said that and it just seemed so ludicrously unnecessary.

It's a wonder I never got ulcers as a teenager

[Artificial Hipster]

There's also a weird use of the present tense in the past that bugs me, but I can't think of a decent example at present.

"He has to score there.."

No, Glenn, he doesn't. As you've clearly noticed he dragged his shot wide and the keeper is already preparing to take a goal kick.

[Capybara]

The other day I was looking at highlights from York City's cup game against Southampton from 1971, and the contrast with today was noticeable. Firstly there was no summariser, obviously, but secondly was how the commentator, Keith Macklin, was quite happy to leave long silences and let the pictures speak for themselves. A good summariser is valuable but there are too few good ones. Other hates: radio commentators who give vent to their views at the expense of telling us what is actually going on. And announcing that team A has 'doubled their lead'. Just tell us the score ffs.

[Jah Womble]

Keith Macklin also used to host a number of religious programmes - including apparently Songs of Praise - so presumably he was a more serene individual all round.

[ad hoc]

He has to hit that note, there

[fatbear]

Janik's made exactly the response I would. You need the odd synonym for regular occurrences in football or commentary would have the monotonous feel of one of those early video games where the same few stock phrases were repeated to distraction.

I'm all for more of it, I'm always thrilled to hear a keeper described as a "custodian" or a similarly esoteric term.

The issue is for commentators to be inventive, interesting, descriptive when required but also to know when not to talk.

It's quite hard when writing about a game to avoid repetition as there are only a few ways of describing incidents without degenerating into US style commentary..............

Or perhaps that is my Comprehensive School education !

[tee rex]

The cushiest job in TV must have been the co-commentator back when there were few live games. The audience was used to highlights with a single commentator, and that expectation carried over to live coverage. Watch cup finals and internationals from the 70s and there will be periods of 10-15 minutes when you don't even know the sidekick is there. Some chimed in a bit more (Jimmy Hill, Brian Clough) while others (the Charltons) barely spoke, for the entire half.

As for radio commentators, it's a really under-rated skill, dealing with the chatter in your ear, bringing in - and shutting up - the "expert" next to you, going to another ground at the right time, all while playing Just a Minute seamlessly for 45. The sheer number of outlets means there are lots of bad ones, usually in local radio, but the 5Live ones are mostly a class act (compare their fluency with, say, a stumbling live cross on a breaking news story when a reporter ums and ahs if you like sort of in terms of shit I lost my notes).

[My Name Is Ian]

My personal pet hate at the moment is co-commentators. I get that they're not going to go away, but the current vogue for getting former players in on the matches of their former clubs really, really annoys me. I turn the sound down to a whisper during matches and keep it off altogether before, after, and during half-time.

In a more trivial sense, I also get unduly irritated by another current fashion, for over-emoting. Half the time they sound like they're straining to take a shit.

I've long been of the "less is more" school of thought on commentary, but I don't mind them getting histrionic. I do, however, when it sounds like they scripted them before the match.

[tee rex]

I've long been of the "less is more" school of thought on commentary, but I don't mind them getting histrionic. I do, however, when it sounds like they scripted them before the match.

Perhaps the most famous sport commentary in New Zealand is Jonah Lomu's try against England in 1995 when he brushes off tackles like they're toddlers in the garden (Mike Catt & co). The TV commentator, Keith Quinn, had his scripted Lomu lines ready - it was easy to predict that he'd be needing them. But at the vital moment he dropped his notes so instead of saying something pompous like "the red rose is plucked by the Tongan teenager", he just says "oh ... oh ... OH!", orgasmically. It's so much better.

[DPDPDPDP]

My personal pet hate at the moment is co-commentators. I get that they're not going to go away, but the current vogue for getting former players in on the matches of their former clubs really, really annoys me. I turn the sound down to a whisper during matches and keep it off altogether before, after, and during half-time.

In a more trivial sense, I also get unduly irritated by another current fashion, for over-emoting. Half the time they sound like they're straining to take a shit.

I've long been of the "less is more" school of thought on commentary, but I don't mind them getting histrionic. I do, however, when it sounds like they scripted them before the match.

Ian, regarding your second paragraph, you’ve obviously not been following the Scottish football thread (don’t blame you!). The announcer of Hamilton’s tv was sacked this week after returning late after 1/2 time and apologized by saying “sorry, just been for a jobby”. He then compounded the felony by following up with “and I had to squeeze it out”. Brilliant!

[Sporting]

Jobby not hobby.

[tee rex]

Don't judge.

[Sporting]

I don't really see a big problem talking about going to the toilet. Not like we don't all do it. You can't be so squeamish about a simple and natural everyday occurrence.

[Gangster Octopus]

Disturbingly I remember where I was when that rugger thing happened. Didn't hear the kiwi feed, mind...

[jwdd27]

another one, when a player makes an appearance against his former club, and the commentator says "once of this parish", like we're in a Jane Austen novel.