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Hollerbach's Geisterspielwurst - Bundesliga 20/21

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    Holstein Kiel are making friends in the DFB Pokal tonight.

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      Ah, I see RB Salzburg have paid €2m for our keeper (Nico Mantl). I expect we need the cash and he was probably too good for us anyway.

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        Well, if you support a team in the bottom third you definitely want them to play Dortmund. I knew when the early goal was called back from VAR that this wasn't going to be easy. If that goal (3min 30sec +/-) would have stood, I thought it might be a blow-out. Mainz basically parked the bus for the first half and came out and played in the second half. Dortmund were all over the place defensively and Mainz could have won the game many times. Of course the big blown chance fell on Dortumund when Reus missed a penalty. So, 1-1 was the final score. Brandt has been horrible, Chan has been horrible. At least Bellingham looked good, but Sancho was back to trying to be too cute and playing way too wide.

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          Ach du lieber Schalke

          They are perfomatively terrible

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            Schalke had to be totally Schalke for Koln to be totally unlike Koln.

            Three wins now for Koln, all away. In fact, of their eight away games, Koln have won 3, drawn 3 and lost only 2. But at home, three draws and six defeats. Only Mainz are worse. Maybe not surprisiong in a season where, so far, there have been as many away as home wins.

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              Meant to post last night since I didn't finish the Leverkusen-Dortmund game until then but BVB look like shit again. I'm a bit stumped why a team that was so good for the first 1/3 of the season looks piss poor. The speed at the back is certainly a big issue. Dortmund push so far forward that Hummels can never get back with his speed, Guerrero is a better fit in the mid-field than as a left back, and Meunier has mostly been garbage. Can is my weekly complaint but Brandt has been just as bad. In general, my complaints about the three teams I follow closest are all the same: the midfield is unbalanced. Dortmund's problems are the lack of a #10. Sancho and Reyna are wide players, Bellingham isn't seasoned enough yet, Reus wants to play too far forward and his passing strength is in tight situations. Hazard might be better but he's been hurt and tends to play wide. I'd like to see Dahoud get more of a run but his transfer to Dortmund probably seems like a massive career hit from his perspective.

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                Let's hope it continues til tonight...

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                  Well, one part continued on Friday: the defense was in shambles. The offense picked up a bit but not enough. I was shocked Dortmund were still in fourth place prior to that game. I don't think they've won since they beat RB. It's time to go back to 3 center backs with Hummels in the middle and have the two wingbacks push up and back because a back 4 is just not working. Even Burki decided to get in on the act and gift a goal. Pitiful.

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                    Originally posted by danielmak View Post
                    Can is my weekly complaint but Brandt has been just as bad.
                    Odd one, Brandt. He always makes me think of that Ian Dury line, something like "How do I write? Well, I sit there, with my biro and my paper and my anglepoise lamp ... and fuck-all happens." Brandt's got the raw materials - quick feet, ball control, passing ability - but, more often than not, fuck-all happens.

                    And that was terrible defending by him prior to the third Gladbach goal.

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                      Yet he had some absolutely sparkling moments in last night's game, as did several of the Dortmund midfielders and forwards during the first half - when they're good, they're really good. I hope the Dortmund defence continues to be this generous when they play Eintracht in a few weeks.

                      Bielefeld v Eintracht today. I avoided this game first time around as I was out reffing. I understand there's no sympathy for us multi-club so-called supporters. Still, I just don't want to watch this. I was at FSV Frankfurt v Bielefeld in the second division a few years back (with JVL) and found myself in an emotional dead-end, in a confusing sort of meta-neutral zone. I suppose there has to be a price to pay for sleeping around.

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                        So, der schoene Bruno's lost his job again. Whose turn is it to employ him now?

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                          I am rather amused by it that Bruno told Koln to fuck off last year because he had greater ambitions. He's leaving Hertha more or less on par with Koln...

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                            Originally posted by G-Man View Post
                            I am rather amused by it that Bruno told Koln to fuck off last year because he had greater ambitions. He's leaving Hertha more or less on par with Koln...
                            Bruno's going to do Koeln, then Hannover, then Werder. Severance pay: seven million.

                            You heard it here first.

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                              He's the Bargain Mourinho. Just with a bigger ego.

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                                Dortmund struggled in the first half yet again (including another missed penalty). But the second half featured the kind of quality that has eluded this side in the past 6 weeks: Dortmund (3) - Augsburg (1).

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                                  Mad night in the first four ties of the German Cup last 16 last night. Fourth division Rot-Weiss Essen go 0-1 down to Leverkusen in extra-time, but still turn it around in the second period and win 2-1. The winner, in the 117th. minute, almost gets called back for a VAR check to see if Leverkusen should have had a penalty just prior. Ref sticks with original decision, Essen go through to the last eight.

                                  Bayern-conquering Kiel look set to beat Darmstadt until their keeper lets one through his fingers with three minutes to go. In the penalty shootout, both teams miss and score simultaneously throughout the first five kicks, then both miss their first kicks in sudden death. Finally Kiel prevails at 7-6.

                                  Dortmund lead Paderborn 2-0 with ten to go and look set. Paderborn pull one back and press for the equaliser - Dortmund, frankly, look shit. Then in the 96th. minute Haaland breaks to make it 3-1. All over. Except the VAR calls it back for a penalty shout just before the counter-attack. Ref Stieler reviews, gives the penalty, Paderborn equalise with the last kick. In ET, Haaland again breaks to score, making it 3-2. VAR tells ref there may be an offside issue - they stand around for four minutes. Turns out that Stieler refuses to look at the replay because he claims it was a Paderborn defender Svante Ingelsson who played the ball last, and his linesman says so too. Now, I missed all this because I was focused on Lincoln's penalty shootout against Hull, but apparently the replays show this was not the case, although Haaland's offside position was one of those tight, super-marginal calls. Goal stands, Dortmund win 3-2. Paderborn coach Steffen Baumgart goes nuts in the post-match interview when shown the replay, a four-minute rant which is actually - in terms of its content - very reasonable. He says he's all for video evidence because it's fair, so why the fuck could Stieler not take a look at this one scene while "we're all standing around for seven minutes freezing our arses off". He's expecting a letter from the DFB.

                                  Bremen beat Fuerth 2-0, without much controversy or excitement.

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                                    11 Freunde has been wonderfully inspired by Steffen Baumgart's post-match interview.

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                                      Ausgezeichnet

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                                        RW Essen beating Leverkusen is a wonderful moment. In the manner in which they did so, and in the despicable club they did it to.

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                                          Although Dortmund did not look convincing, I have to think that if they can get their act together they should win this trophy. But getting their act together seems hard. Chan finally had a good match but they just lack quality at the back and a #10.

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                                            Dortmund are heading for a three-coach season if this keeps up.

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                                              What a week for Koln.

                                              Saturday: Beat Bielefeld at home. Euphoria sets in, after doing the base minimum of what the team was supposed to do.

                                              Wednesday: Lose the cup tie against Regensburg on penalties, having been 2-0 up, missing a penalty in regular time, and taking the lead in the penalty shoot out (where no established attacking player darted to take a penalty). Yes, we were fucked over by an offside rule which even the refs and VAR don't understand, but fucking useless team. Fire them all.

                                              Thursday: Amid the tears over the cup disaster (and over the lost 1 million euros reward for reaching the quarter finals), the suits have to wipe the blood off the floor over the media manager debacle. In short, last year the big bosses fired the spokesman because they didn't trust him, over the objection of the two general managers. So they found a new chap, whom they proudly announced. Hours later, it turned out that the new communications guy had tweeted some AfD-friendly shit (well, he comes from Bild, FFS). In appointing a chief of communications, they neglected to check how the guy communicates. There are many clubs in Germany that have a supernatural talent of embarrassing themselves: Schalke, Hertha, Frankfurt, Hamburg (and Stuttgart applying to join the club)... Next to Koln (and Schalke), they're all amateurs.

                                              Friday: As the team departs in two busses for the derby to Monchengladbach, fans are saluting them and put together an impressive pyrotechnics display. Camera in Bus 1 records coach Gisdol ooh-ing and aah-ing and players cheering. Camera in Bus 2 records benchwarmer Dominik Drexler -- born in Koln and raised an FC fan -- complaining about the dimmed lights interfering with his card-game, and insulting fans as "Spacken", meaning people who are ridiculous and a bit idiotic. Let's say, the reaction to Drexler's comment was not one of indifference. Lukas Podolski tweeted that a player who calls fans "Spacken" isn't worthy of wearing the shirt. Next day Drexler -- who usually is a thoughtful fellow -- puts out a statement to apologise; I doubt he'll ever play again at Mungersdorf when fans are allowed to return. I doubt he'll be there next season -- if we can get rid of him.

                                              Saturday: We beat fucking Monchengladbach. Deservedly, too. Scheiss Hollander! And our guys avenge Thuram's cornerflag celebration. Did anything interesting happen during the week? Fucking derby win! Mir stonn zo dir, FC Koelle!

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                                                Originally posted by G-Man View Post
                                                Saturday: We beat fucking Monchengladbach. Deservedly, too. Scheiss Hollander!
                                                Wait, what!?

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                                                  It's a slur that refers to Gladbach being closer to the Dutch border than Koln. We don't mind the Dutch, but Gladbach, we don't like.

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                                                    Ich bin ein Frikadelle, or a scheiss Hollander, and proud.
                                                    We lived in Roermond for 6 months before they found us a flat in Elmpt and I went back to both on my nostalgia visit a few years ago that also took in a 3-0 win over Leverkusen.
                                                    I genuinely don't want Koeln to go down, either

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