The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#15 - Dimitar Berbatov

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

#14 - Dimitar Berbatov

Dimitar Berbatov has a reoccurring dream. He stands with a guitar, in a prison ready to play. He's dressed all in black.

Dimitar Berbatov's prison is his own mind. The sole inmate is Dimitar Berbatov. The pressure of expectation causes the fear of failure. The fear of failure adds to the pressure of expectation. Dimitar Berbatov can't even play guitar, even if it looks like he should be able to.

"Fuck me," think Dimitar Berbatov in his dream. "My subconscious is like a sodding M.C. Escher painting."

He launches in to 'The Wreck Of The Old number 7', his ode to Michael Owen.

#13 - Dimitar Berbatov

Early one morning with time to kill
I borrowed Jeb's rifle and sat on the hill
I saw a lone rider crossing the plain
I drew a bead on him to practice my aim
My brother's rifle went off in my hand
A shot rang out across the land
The horse he kept running, the rider did too
I missed my shot, I missed my shot

[hobbes]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

[Antepli Ejderha]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

He's back with a dozen left to go.

[Ray de Galles]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

I'm hoping we don't reach number 1 until after Man City have signed Berbatov to replace Tevez.

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#12 - Dimitar Berbatov

Dimitar Berbatov sits at the club's end of season presentation night. Patrick Kielty up on stage is presenting the goal of the season award. Kielty, a strange looking man of inexplicable fame, opens the envelope. Dimitar Berbatov is shortlisted for his magnificent teed up overhead kick against Liverpool, a game he scored a hattrick in.

"And the winner, for a goal of breathtaking technique and mind-boggling flair, the sort of goal only he could have scored. From a magnificent overhead kick against our most hated rivals..."

Dimitar Berbatov stood up beaming a smile he hadn't beamed for three seasons, he shook hands with Darron Gibson, Gabriel Obertan, and the others from his table that he didn't recognise.

"...WAYNE ROONEY versus Manchester city."

The room bursts into applause. Dimitar Berbatov sits down.

[garcia]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

brilliant. reminds me of http://www.amazon.com/Mirrors-Stories-Everyone-Eduardo-Galeano/dp/1568584237

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

.

It's funny because Man City are once again now Man United's most hated rivals.

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#11 - Dimitar Berbatov

"You are not going to see me puffing around the pitch. There is a saying in Bulgaria that great quality doesn't require much effort."

http://menmedia.co.uk/manchestereveningnews/sport/football/manchester_united/s/1453704_qa-with-manchester-uniteds-dimitar-berbatov

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#10 - Dimitar Berbatov

Berbatov playing centre half makes immediate sense. A light has gone on across the globe, ushering in a second period of renaissance

#9 - Dimitar Berbatov

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#8 - Dimitar Berbatov

[hobbes]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

That's great. "Must I again bless these peasants with my skill?"

[Benjm]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#7 - Dimitar Berbatov

23 February 2013.

The Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, takes the field against the brutal pig monsters of Stoke. My friend has travelled from France for a sporting weekend of which this is the centrepiece. The lumpen clay legion play above themselves, as if embarrassed to be caught wiping their arses on Bryan Ferry's lawn.

As 45 minutes passes, the Sage strikes, barely a minute after my friend has left to eject pre-match beer and secure replenishments. He does not repeat the feat, nor unduly struggle to do so; this is fine art not crude mass production. Better a pilgrim return to Toulouse having missed the only goal but having learned this lesson than the sublime be cheapened like a Joy Division poster on a rugby playing student's wall.

[Cavalry Trouser Tips]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

DISCLAIMER: The post below is based on pure guesswork.

#6 - Dimitar Berbat-having-it-ov

From Popbitch:

Which London-based foreign footballer was found in bed with a friendly fashionista by his wife? Fans of his current club would be surprised he had any interest in getting any action.

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

Adebayor?

[Raynor]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

friedel

[Reed John]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

I saw him in O'Hare airport once.

[Levin]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

Arshavin?

[Benjm]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

Barnet legend Edgar Davids?

PPV's Both Clubs line never quite made it to an All Three Clubs spin off.

Anyone going to the last match at Underhill, btw?

[Kevin S]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

#5 - The Godfather

[EIM]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

I'm watching the Premier League years from the season that Berbatov strolled through the season scoring ridiculous goal after ridiculous goal. He got one against Blackburn - well, he actually got 5 (FIVE) against Blackburn, but this one in particular - where he meandered up the pitch, like a babbling Alpine cliché, before scoring and running off to celebrate with a very bald Wayne Rooney and a very bad Federico Macheda.

If Berbatov does leave Fulham this January I hope he goes somewhere fitting. Somewhere deserving. Like 1968 Paris, or 508-322BC Athens, or 2011 Manchester.

[Kevin S]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

Thanks to Mirko Bolesan via twitter:

https://v.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/153E060D591069637124799807488_2d5bf1daaa8.0.2.9868 665605120540671.mp4?versionId=w868sYl.AQl0v2c6Lrxz eislBYFa1tPP

[Borracho]

The 30 greatest Dimitar Berbatovs of all time

It's a lovely piece of skill, but doing it against a terrible team in an already minuscule stadium where there are maybe 3,000 people there to see it, and when Paris St-Germain are so far ahead of Monaco in the table that none of it matters anyway, sums up Berbatov's entire career to a tee.