A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

[Crusoe]

or, Lesser Known Football Songs About Your Club

I came across this the other day. It's Oldham's 1990 League Cup final song, featuring the entire squad and Cannon and Ball (who based it on their 1982 song of the same name).

"Boys In Blue", Cannon & Ball

We get up early every day
Soccer is the game we play
We are the boys in blue
Playing football, football
It's the game we love to play
We're going to beat you anyway
We are the boys in blue
We're going to get you, get you

We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
And we'll win for you
Woo wa woo woo
'Cos the Latics will do anything for Oldham
We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
And we're going to win it all
'Cos we're the boys in blue

We play the game with all our heart and soul
We're gonna try to score the winning goal
We are the boys in blue
We'd love to see you
Referees are all the same
Obey their rules and we'll play our game
We are the boys in blue
We're gonna beat you, beat you

We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
And we'll win for you
Woo wa woo woo
'Cos the Latics will do anything for Oldham
We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
We're the boys in blue
Woo wa woo woo
And we're going to win it all
'Cos we're the boys in blue
(repeat to fade)

I mean, you can't get more tearjerkingly beautiful lyrics than that, can you?

(I was going to post my A- and B-sides of the frankly bizarre "Roger Rap", an overlong ode to goalscoring enigma Roger Palmer, complete with an eight-minute long reggae version, but I seem to have lost the mp3s)

So what other masterpieces are out there? I vaguely remember something along the lines of "If It's Wednesday It Must Be Wembley" from that run of Arsenal vs Sheffield Wednesday cup games, but there have to be more out there.

[EIM]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

Manchester United's 1990 Cup Final record 'We Will Stand Together' is possibly the most dire football record ever. It so painfully boring. Seven minutes of Bryan Robson's dull, Chester-le-Street monotone singing some of the least inspiring words ever to have tumbled out of a human's mouth. It's no wonder he was a shit manager if that's his motivational voice.

Then, right at the end, some Scottish bloke starts reading out the fucking squad. "Manager: Alex Ferguson. Assistant Manager: Archie Knox." It goes on forever. The highpoint of the whole record was Les Sealey's name being added at the last minute in a bit of dubbing so ridiculous, it made Multiple Miggs saying "I can smell your scent." in the TV version of 'Silence Of The Lambs' sound positively convincing.

[EIM]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

Jesus. Look how big Gary Pallister is.

[Tony C]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

I still believe the worst football related song is Andy Cole's 'Outstanding'.

For so many reasons, none of which involve Manchester United.

[Havencheese]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

You can imagine commentators summarising the AC single like he's put one in the back of the net.

Andy Cole successfully sums up his career to date, bites a few old hip hip cliches and keeps it real for the kids. Simply outstanding!

[Uncle Ethan]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

Another contender. Even I didn't buy it - and I had a lampshade.

Der duh duh, Der duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh duh

Were all going to Wembley,
Thats were we belong,
So get on board were going up,
Were going to win the cup

Ipswich fans are cheering,
To help us on our way,
We'll play the ball and win the game,
It's going to be our day

Ipswich, Ipswich kick that ball,
Won't you get that goal for me,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
Going to make some history, Ipswich

Ipswich, Ipswich get that goal,
Won't you win that cup for me, Ipswich,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
The best at Wember-ley, Ipswich

Der duh duh, Der duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh,
Der duh duh, Der duh duh duh

Were going to be the Champions,
We'll gun those Gunners down,
And carry off the FA Cup,
Back to Ipswich Town

So come on everybody,
And give your everything,
Clap your hands and stamp you feet,
And everybody sing

Ipswich, Ipswich kick that ball,
Won't you get that goal for me,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
Going to make some history, IPSWICH

Ipswich, Ipswich get that goal,
Won't you win that cup for me, IPSWICH,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
The best at Wember-ley, IPSWICH

Super-blues,
Are just the best,
Super-blues,
Well beat the rest,
Super-blues,
Are just the best

Ipswich, Ipswich kick that ball (get that goal),
Won't you get that goal for me, IPSWICH
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town (win that cup you see), IPSWICH

Ipswich, Ipswich kick that ball,
Won't you get that goal for me,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
Going to make some history, IPSWICH

Ipswich, Ipswich get that goal,
Won't you win that cup for me, IPSWICH,
Gimme, Gimme Ipswich Town,
The best at Wember-ley, IPSWICH