Can I ask you about a movie script?

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

I've been challenged to write a script. There is no bet involved so it's not cheating.

The challenge is from a published swedish author. He's read some of my stuff (swedish, my true language, not he bullshit I post here and I didn't shove it in his face begging for him to read it. Long story), he liked it and said I should write a script. Not for the Hollywood glamour and ambition. For no other reason than it being a different way of writing. That it will add to any skill I might have.

He gave me this book, Blake Snyder-Save the cat. It's less than 200 pages and I recommend it to anyone interested. Have it as PDF.

Anyway, at first I thought.... nah. Then, I couldn't let it go. An idea popped up and the story started to evolve in my head.

So, what if we make it a brainstorming session here? What if I give you the background, pitch the idea, you tell me if there truly is a story worth telling and we go from there?

Anyone?

[Stumpy Pepys]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Yeah, I'm curious.

I tried to write a screenplay a couple of years ago, but never finished it. Harder than I thought. There were good things in it, but I knew deep down it wasn't up-to-scratch.

There's also lots of formatting rules for writing screenplays (they're not overly complicated but you have to follow them).

[Stumpy Pepys]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Carnivorous Vulgaris wrote: The best software, so I've been told, is CeltX which is open source.

I believe Final Draft is the industry standard, but I used the iPad version of CeltX (which wasn't expensive).

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Stumpy Pepys wrote: Yeah, I'm curious.

I tried to write a screenplay a couple of years ago, but never finished it. Harder than I thought. There were good things in it, but I knew deep down it wasn't up-to-scratch.

There's also lots of formatting rules for writing screenplays (they're not overly complicated but you have to follow them).

Stumpy, do read Save the cat. You'll do it in a few hours. On the buss or whatever. As I said, I have the pdf. It's a bit of a shit copy, like someone stood on his head throwing the pages on the copier but you'll not die from it. I can link to the torrent or send the pdf.

I'll get back shortly with the premise of my story.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

I've checked out both of those you mention. CeltX and Final Draft. They are indeed among the better but downloaded Scrivener because it has all in one. Movie script, BBC play, radio broadcast, book

[Stumpy Pepys]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

[Gangster Octopus]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Nora Ephronn was the subject of yesterday's Great Lives on Radio 4.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

The working name of it is Nemesis, keep in mind this is all set in Sweden. No names are set in stone. Some are probably shit.

This is the background story:

We are in Sweden, a suburb of a larger city with a lot of immigrants from all parts of the world. There has been heavy influx from former Yugoslavia on two occasions, during the 60’s and during the Balkan wars in the 90’s.

This suburb, like many other in Sweden, have small gangs controlling the drug sales. There is violence, there are people being murdered. No drive-by shooting, no Blood/Crips level on it but there are some nasty characters out there and you can get in trouble saying the wrong thing.

This is all real and true for Sweden.

Now, ALBIN is in his late 20’s. He’s a Bosniak (Bosnian muslim) orphan who witnessed his parents being killed by Serbs (or Croats, I haven’t decided). He managed to hide when the killing was done, was saved by neighbours then brought to Sweden. To his uncle and his family who came in the 60’s. Albin was 6-8 when his parents died (which is a tad importan because of how much Albin can remember. How much DO we remember from back when we were 6? How much more do we remember from age 8? How much does a traumatic experience fuck that memory up, or does a traumatic incident make it a stronger memory in life? Getting a beating by your mom at age 6 might not last in memory at all but watching your mom be raped then killed at your same age might last forever, and how does age, life, record those images? Are they distorted in any way?).

Albin is a nice, attractive young man living with his Swedish girlfriend ELLA. He's well educated holding a steady job within IT-security. He’s well-mannered, intelligent, a listener more than a talker, great sense of humour and he’s simply the kind of chap people feel good having around. He has “that aura”. But he’s slightly depressed, a thinker, the wounds of witnessing his parents being killed have not healed completely. He has occasional nightmares with images from the past.

Albin is not a regular at the local few pubs in the suburb where he lives but he does frequent them to gather thoughts and over the years he’s become known by many as the lad who most often sits on his own in the corner. Kind but reserved. Not allowing anyone to become his best mate yet friendly. One of them he interacts with is GORAN. Goran is in his late 40’s, Serb (or Coat, I haven’t decided) came to Sweden during the Balkan wars. He’s from the same place as Albin, which connects them in storytelling. Goran is single, never had any children, was a soldier during the war, pragmatic, blunt and somewhat brutal with humour. He’s the kind of chap who will walk up to a woman in a pub and ask if she wants to see a magic trick. When she says yes he will tell her “first we fuck, then you disappear”. But he’s not a bad person, and he likes Albin a lot, wants to take him under his wing, wants to become his mentor even though he has no idea what the word mentor means.

Albin has a very dear friend (nationality as of now unknown). PACO (can be nick for Patrick so Latin isn’t a given) is about the same age as Albin and a great lad but one who gets into trouble due to his gambling habits. Albin has bailed him out more than once. Paco is a bit like EIM but with a destructive side (sorry, EIM. It’s not the bad sides of yours which are Paco. You’re the kind of guy one imagines would be great to have as company and then I added a twist to it)

That’s the brief background.

The story I have in my head is that Albin and Goran meet, talk, become not best friends even though Goran thinks so, but mutual respect and honest friendliness between the two. By chance, gazing through a photo album at his uncle’s house (who does not live in the same part of town, or maybe even Sweden) one Albin’s aunt has left on the kitchen table, he notices a young Goran. He asks and it turns out he was the soldier who killed his parents. Albin never saw his face when he was hiding as a child. Maybe he saw a tattoo * on his hand but trauma has hidden it back in his memory.

The evil within Albin starts to grow. All the confusion, depression, longing for his parents, not understanding why neighbour could kill neighbour, all that sadness starts to evolve into anger, then hate, then rage. He wants to avenge his parents. He starts to fuck up his life. His relationships with the girlfriend starts to suffer.

But he plans it.. orderly(don’t know if that’s the right word?). He continues to be friends with Goran. Pretends. He wants to torture Goran’s life.

One of the things Albin suffers with is his last task at work. Working within IT-security he’s been handed the mission to gather evidence about an employee at a company who has been downloading child pornography (I actually have a mate who works for such a company and did this and during that whole period he was so devastated, so about to give up out of the depression having to see some of it brought to his life). But Albin never speaks about these things. He keeps them for himself. He never speaks to his girlfriend about his parents, he never speaks to anyone about his work and he never tells anyone about his plan involving Goran. He gets deeper and deeper into shit. Trying to bail out his friend Paco once more he gets an antagonist among the local criminals. Goran notices this and tries to help on his own, without consulting, asking or promising Albin.

When Albin was hiding one soldier noticed him and saved him by not telling. The very same soldier then, during night, made sure other relatives of Albin’s got to him, saved him, had him make it to Sweden. That same soldier is Goran. The whole thing is a misunderstanding. Goran is a good guy, one who himself struggles with memories from the war.

Goran gets killed in the end, trying to save his “adopted son” when that petty criminal is trying to kill Albin over basically nothing.

The story is about how one misunderstanding can send you to hell and make you act exactly like the people you fear/detest.
The story asks whether vengeance finally rids you of any demons or if it makes you one yourself.
The story is obviously about how shit the Balkan war was.
The story is about how you handle demons of the mind.

The one thing I have to find is how the misunderstanding happens. In a convincing way. How does Albin become so sure Goran is the one who killed his parents, when Goran was there at the time but in fact was the good guy among them all?

And! Is the story worth telling at all?
It's been done before, no doubt. Every story has been done before.

I have a lot more written down, lot more details but let's start here.

* Could be a tattoo between index finger and thumb which ultra's of some Yugoslavian club had back then, be they Croat, Serb or Bosniak fans. Which Albin thinks is only one when in fact it was not common but not unique. And a club used to unite all of them regardless of religion... I think you get it.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Stumpy Pepys wrote: My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

There are two ways to take such things in.
Give up because of awe
Be inspired and correct the things you notice are flawed in your own work.

Why would you want to give up? If there is one thing the world needs it is more, more, more good story tellers. We have them here on OTF, in almost abundance. In my life, I have never been among a group of people telling as many brilliant stories. One better than the other. Sad stories, funny stories, inspiring stories. You're one of them, man.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Gangster Octopus wrote: Nora Ephronn was the subject of yesterday's Great Lives on Radio 4.

Cheers for that. I'll listen to it now.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Stumpy, another thing I can recommend is Stephen King-On writing. You've probably read the book but what I'm recommending is the audio book. Listen to him, take it in. Thoroughly inspiring.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Stumpy Pepys wrote:

The best software, so I've been told, is CeltX which is open source.

I believe Final Draft is the industry standard, but I used the iPad version of CeltX (which wasn't expensive).

One more thing, for some reason Final Draft heats up my computer and almost makes it explode like a scene from a Marvel comic. It's just a bloody word processor software, why does it hate my computer so much?

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

If you, any of you are in here and by chance mustered the energy to read my idea above, please do mention other films with a similar story. It will only help, not knock the feet under me. Like I said, all of it has been done, in different ways. Alien is the same story as Jaws. Star Wars is the same story as Trains, Planes and Automobiles. Dumb & Dumber is the same story as Rainman. The details are different.

[ian.64]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

One more thing, although you'll probably know this. Professional mainstream scripting doesn't take just one version, but loads of rewrites. The copy you probably saw was the completed version after a series of re-drafts (with possibly some uncredited material thrown in) plus a good old script-polish to finish things off. That was the height of old-hand Hollywood professionalism you've read. You've just gotten started.

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pietro Paolo Virdis wrote: I've been challenged to write a script. There is no bet involved so it's not cheating.

The challenge is from a published swedish author. He's read some of my stuff (swedish, my true language, not he bullshit I post here and I didn't shove it in his face begging for him to read it. Long story), he liked it and said I should write a script. Not for the Hollywood glamour and ambition. For no other reason than it being a different way of writing. That it will add to any skill I might have.

He gave me this book, Blake Snyder-Save the cat. It's less than 200 pages and I recommend it to anyone interested. Have it as PDF.

Anyway, at first I thought.... nah. Then, I couldn't let it go. An idea popped up and the story started to evolve in my head.

So, what if we make it a brainstorming session here? What if I give you the background, pitch the idea, you tell me if there truly is a story worth telling and we go from there?

Anyone?

I had a bizarre dream last night that I think would make a good script for a wacky indie film. I'm not sharing it with you, mind. I want to keep creative control. I don't want James Cameron to take over and dumb it down. What worries me the most is that they might choose that twat Tom Cruise to play me. I was hoping for Bill Murray. I think he would be game. It's all psychological stuff, you see, but with lots of socio-political metaphors and all.

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Stumpy Pepys wrote: My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

Rom-coms are dead. Don't waste your time revisiting that one.

[ian.64]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Oops.

(Accidental double post. Sorry)

[Stumpy Pepys]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pat McGatt wrote: Rom-coms are dead. Don't waste your time revisiting that one.

No genre's dead. The problem with romantic comedies is that most of them are shit.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

ian.64 wrote: My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

One more thing, although you'll probably know this. Professional mainstream scripting doesn't take just one version, but loads of rewrites. The copy you probably saw was the completed version after a series of re-drafts (with possibly some uncredited material thrown in) plus a good old script-polish to finish things off. That was the height of old-hand Hollywood professionalism you've read. You've just gotten started.

Very true.
He or she who thinks that script you landed a deal with, will be the final one is fooling him-/herself. Some of them can even become something completely different. A love story can become a thriller once the producers vampiredly set their teeth into it.

Hollywood is a mess. That’s nowhere an ambition of mine. I might be deranged but not that much. You have stories of how an idea on a napkin sold for zillion of dollars (think it was Indiana Jones, might be very wrong), a script went to auction and studios went after it (you won’t believe which shit comedy scripts have sold then lie there for years not made into anything. Spielberg’s company bought one for $1 million, yet to be done)

Two things if you read Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat. One, it is brilliant. It gives you everything over as few pages as possible. No bullshit. Other, he’s sold scripts for millions of dollars but what crap movies they were. Yet they made it at the box office.

Just read the god damn thing, Stumpy. You too ian, because you have all that I'd like to see made a movie. Stumpy, I have a feeling it will bring back your story to life.

here's the torrent
https://kickass.so/save-the-cat-t5574098.html

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pat McGatt wrote:

My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

Rom-coms are dead. Don't waste your time revisiting that one.

You are so wrong you don't even know where your head is among all those two shoulders.

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pietro Paolo Virdis wrote:

My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

Rom-coms are dead. Don't waste your time revisiting that one.

You are so wrong you don't even know where your head is among all those two shoulders.

Name the last really big rom-com. And I mean big as in When Harry Met Sally big.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pat McGatt wrote:

My screenwriting attempt was a romantic comedy. The most demoralizing thing I did was to download the screenplay of When Harry Met Sally.

After about four pages I was thinking, "shit, this is ten times better than what I've written."

Rom-coms are dead. Don't waste your time revisiting that one.

You are so wrong you don't even know where your head is among all those two shoulders.

Name the last really big rom-com. And I mean big as in When Harry Met Sally big.

Do you mean big within your taste or big as in great or big as in how much money it made?
I can list quite a few whichever direction except that very first. I don't pretend to understand your taste.

I think When Harry met.. it is genius. But what is your question? I already have a few in mind, which actually beat When Harry.

How about Silver Lingings Playbook? One of the best movies past decade?

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

I was talking about office box earnings. I tend to assume everyone is a whore like me.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Pat McGatt wrote: I was talking about office box earnings. I tend to assume everyone is a whore like me.

Haha.
Okey.
Then Silver linging fits right in. And it's a bloody good flick.

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

Can I ask you about a movie script?

Enough said with the late Gandolfini and Seinfeld's Julia Louis-Dreyfus might not be within your box office criteria but well worth the time

Wes Anderson's Moonlight Kingdom. Still, probably not your box office thing.

But..
Love Actually, Bridget Jones', High Fidelity (also one of the best made past decades, better than When Harry in my eyes).

More?