Agatha Christie's Marple
The famed crime mystery writer reaches her long journey to find out what the unusual metallic tool she found in her attic - a marple - is used for, and, with the help of historian Rodney Breasts, is convinced that it was a 17th century implement used to clean out any unwanted fluff or grit from between the bottom cheeks.
Homes Under The Hammer
This week, West Ham midfielder, Kevin Nolan, uses his newfound powers of levitation to hover over the various counties of the United Kingdom. Wherever you live, be it council estate or beachfront house, be prepared to find out whether Kevin will be floating over your roof with a wink, a wave or a cheery smile.
Band of Brothers
Emboldened by the emergence of skiffle in the 1950's, northern boy Colin Brothers tries to put together a skiffle combo, but the route to musical fulfilment is a long and arduous one. Where will he start? Grizzled jazz veteran, Charlie Buggers, points him in the right direction.
CSI Miami
The popular UK acronym show now moves to the US, and what better place to start than the sun-kissed beaches of the popular Florida coastal city, with the ceremonies hosted by the genial, evergreen Bobby Phartz. Can the good people of Miami, ever hope to top the mammoth number of acronym definitions - 50,000 - created by the denizens of Prestatyn including amongst them Charismatic Shed Intentions, Crocodile Sex Inquest and Cloudy Sap Insertion? We'll see in this series opener.
Big Brother
Tommy Finsbury goes out and about the UK to find out who has the biggest brother in the land. Last week, Kevin Bummm from Stockport proudly endorsed his brother, Neil, who now measures 6' 5", and he'll feature in the measure-off against Simon Fuckie's brother, Tony, who may have grown a little higher since the last series.
Doctor Who
It's another week for Dr. Harris Grapple as he copes with having the highest number of amnesiacs ever gathered in one vicinity. It's one thing to treat them, but entirely another when you have to remind them who they are when they come back the following week.
Game of Thrones
The drama series that sees the tensions and emotions that lead up to the annual Best Throne Competition. King Bastarddaft of Hamganmire thinks his throne will win, with its ornate trappings and florid carving work, but he's wary of upstart Prince Rejvarni, who presents his own jewel-encrusted, gold-leaf adorned throne. Will King Bastarddaft see his plans for glory fail? Which throne will catch the judges' eyes?
Saturday Morning Kitchen
Ever seen what Foyle's War star, Michael Kitchen, looks like after a Friday night out on the lash? Well, now you can as our cameras beam coverage live from his house, showing the distinguished actor groan morosely as he gets up, holds his head in his hands and annunciates phrases such 'fuck me, how many did I have last night?' and 'Jesus, I didn't do that, did I? Bollocks, oh, my good god' in that familiar, distinctive voice. During the toilet sequences, you may use the red button to hear birdsong instead.
The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill
It's another day for Hounslow resident, Bill Carver, as he goes across the country looking for old bottle tops. Today, he goes to Buxton in search of bottle tops from 1950 bottles of beer. While he ventures in search of his small, round metallic booty, he ponders on the questions he poses himself everyday, such 'why is he never married?', 'why doesn't he get invitations to parties?' and 'where have all his friends gone?'
Cash In The Attic
More ruminations from Birmingham-born Norman Catastrobe, who, once more, gives us vivid impressions of what it would be like if he held country legend Johnny Cash prisoner in his attic at his home in Aston. Last week, Norman visualised Johnny painstakingly building an expansive network of rail connections with his vast collection of model trains, only for Norman to stamp on everything and cackle maniacally as he ordered him to start all over again. This week, Norman would force Johnny to wear a tutu and execute difficult and punishing ballet moves.
Diagnosis Murder
Cult sitcom with Graham Vast as hapless doctor, Steven Pettytwat, who, try as he might, always tells patients they've been killed. It's a gruelling day as Steven faces the board of examiners who try to figure out why 600 patients who've been diagnosed as not being alive at all are, in fact, walking around and breathing a lot. With special appearance by Alan Mullery as Sandra's pimp.
Last of the Summer Wine
Dan Blight, owner of Grithby's only off-licence, finds out that all of his special label Summer Wine has been pinched. But who did it? Suspicions point towards Rothermere Manderlay, vintner and cad, or Bernard 'Mobile Toilet' Brand, the town drunk, who enraged the townsfolk last episode by dropping his guts on a cat.
The famed crime mystery writer reaches her long journey to find out what the unusual metallic tool she found in her attic - a marple - is used for, and, with the help of historian Rodney Breasts, is convinced that it was a 17th century implement used to clean out any unwanted fluff or grit from between the bottom cheeks.
Homes Under The Hammer
This week, West Ham midfielder, Kevin Nolan, uses his newfound powers of levitation to hover over the various counties of the United Kingdom. Wherever you live, be it council estate or beachfront house, be prepared to find out whether Kevin will be floating over your roof with a wink, a wave or a cheery smile.
Band of Brothers
Emboldened by the emergence of skiffle in the 1950's, northern boy Colin Brothers tries to put together a skiffle combo, but the route to musical fulfilment is a long and arduous one. Where will he start? Grizzled jazz veteran, Charlie Buggers, points him in the right direction.
CSI Miami
The popular UK acronym show now moves to the US, and what better place to start than the sun-kissed beaches of the popular Florida coastal city, with the ceremonies hosted by the genial, evergreen Bobby Phartz. Can the good people of Miami, ever hope to top the mammoth number of acronym definitions - 50,000 - created by the denizens of Prestatyn including amongst them Charismatic Shed Intentions, Crocodile Sex Inquest and Cloudy Sap Insertion? We'll see in this series opener.
Big Brother
Tommy Finsbury goes out and about the UK to find out who has the biggest brother in the land. Last week, Kevin Bummm from Stockport proudly endorsed his brother, Neil, who now measures 6' 5", and he'll feature in the measure-off against Simon Fuckie's brother, Tony, who may have grown a little higher since the last series.
Doctor Who
It's another week for Dr. Harris Grapple as he copes with having the highest number of amnesiacs ever gathered in one vicinity. It's one thing to treat them, but entirely another when you have to remind them who they are when they come back the following week.
Game of Thrones
The drama series that sees the tensions and emotions that lead up to the annual Best Throne Competition. King Bastarddaft of Hamganmire thinks his throne will win, with its ornate trappings and florid carving work, but he's wary of upstart Prince Rejvarni, who presents his own jewel-encrusted, gold-leaf adorned throne. Will King Bastarddaft see his plans for glory fail? Which throne will catch the judges' eyes?
Saturday Morning Kitchen
Ever seen what Foyle's War star, Michael Kitchen, looks like after a Friday night out on the lash? Well, now you can as our cameras beam coverage live from his house, showing the distinguished actor groan morosely as he gets up, holds his head in his hands and annunciates phrases such 'fuck me, how many did I have last night?' and 'Jesus, I didn't do that, did I? Bollocks, oh, my good god' in that familiar, distinctive voice. During the toilet sequences, you may use the red button to hear birdsong instead.
The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill
It's another day for Hounslow resident, Bill Carver, as he goes across the country looking for old bottle tops. Today, he goes to Buxton in search of bottle tops from 1950 bottles of beer. While he ventures in search of his small, round metallic booty, he ponders on the questions he poses himself everyday, such 'why is he never married?', 'why doesn't he get invitations to parties?' and 'where have all his friends gone?'
Cash In The Attic
More ruminations from Birmingham-born Norman Catastrobe, who, once more, gives us vivid impressions of what it would be like if he held country legend Johnny Cash prisoner in his attic at his home in Aston. Last week, Norman visualised Johnny painstakingly building an expansive network of rail connections with his vast collection of model trains, only for Norman to stamp on everything and cackle maniacally as he ordered him to start all over again. This week, Norman would force Johnny to wear a tutu and execute difficult and punishing ballet moves.
Diagnosis Murder
Cult sitcom with Graham Vast as hapless doctor, Steven Pettytwat, who, try as he might, always tells patients they've been killed. It's a gruelling day as Steven faces the board of examiners who try to figure out why 600 patients who've been diagnosed as not being alive at all are, in fact, walking around and breathing a lot. With special appearance by Alan Mullery as Sandra's pimp.
Last of the Summer Wine
Dan Blight, owner of Grithby's only off-licence, finds out that all of his special label Summer Wine has been pinched. But who did it? Suspicions point towards Rothermere Manderlay, vintner and cad, or Bernard 'Mobile Toilet' Brand, the town drunk, who enraged the townsfolk last episode by dropping his guts on a cat.
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