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    Movie/TV clichés

    And the set of steps inside a blimp that turn into a ramp, sending a hapless crime boss into the stratosphere in the still bonkers-enjoyable View To A Kill.

    A deliberate thing in Bond movies. The bad guys eat. Bond just drinks

    Dr. No: This sea bass is delicately flavoured and quite delicious, Mr.Bond, my personal chef has excelled himself I'd....

    Mr. Bond, that's the third bottle of Verve Cliquot you've consumed. Are you sure you've had enough?

    Bond: Fu...fuck off, you Swedish bastard! You lot...you lot think you're so fuckin' clever, don't yet, with...yer boutiques an' yer sign language, an' yer underpants
    , well I'm not KEEP YER HANDS OFF THAT BOTTLE, YA BASTARD! S'MINE! Where...was I, oh yeah...colonic irrigation is..the way of the fuckin' future, pal...I...love..you (cries)

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      Movie/TV clichés

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        Movie/TV clichés

        A staple of 70s /80s family dramas (also seen in jurassic park ),child pulled from river or electric shock seemingly lifeless, half a dozen chest pumps and a couple of breaths later (accompanied by a "breathe, damn you, breathe ) little timmy coughs a thimble full of water and is miraculously ok

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          Movie/TV clichés

          A compulsory cliche in the action genre. Hero is summoned by big wigs to some sort of conference room in order to entrust him with a difficult, top secret job only he can do. Head big wig proceeds to read his impressive CV out loud. The litany always includes the words 'special operations', 'specialist' and 'expert', as well a long list of tours of duty in the wars du jour. It must also end with the words 'very impressive'. The hero gets uncomfortable, beacuse deep inside he's so modest, and says something badass and sarcastic like 'Did you call me to read me my resume?'. Because he's not impressed by rank, you see. He knows the true measure of a man is his capacity to kill with his bare hands.

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            Movie/TV clichés

            I think all spy movies need a degree of Basil Exposition.

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              Movie/TV clichés

              I like "lethany". It conjures a sort of particularly lethargic litany, emphasising how dully this scene has been put together.

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                Movie/TV clichés

                Current soap cliches that irritate me most are those relating to mobile 'phones. I mean, how many bloody times do characters unwittingly leave them in the pub, someone's bedroom, toilets, shops - whatever - in order to incriminate themselves? Talk about telegraphing your intentions. (Then it's always 'I'll pick it up next time' - like you'd go without your 'phone for days.)

                Don't know about others, but I don't think I've ever done this: I'd instinctively know if the old cellular wasn't on me.

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                  Movie/TV clichés

                  If there is an annoying, pretentious university student in a detective show set in Oxford (which there often are), he will usually be called Felix. He will probably wear a huge Yasser Arafat style scarf furled enormously round his neck, and may well have some other stupid clothing affectation like an absurd hat.

                  If Felix is murdered (there is quite a high probability) you will struggle to avoid feeling glad about it.

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                    Movie/TV clichés

                    Various Artist wrote: I like "lethany". It conjures a sort of particularly lethargic litany, emphasising how dully this scene has been put together.
                    I was tired and emotional. Corrected now.

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                      Movie/TV clichés

                      In any disaster movie/sci-fi blockbuster, the brilliant scientist in possession of hard evidence of impending doom will repeatedly try to warn others but will be slapped down by vested interests or faceless bureaucracy. The scientist, if male, will almost always have unkempt hair and several days' stubble and be kitted out in the sweat-soaked clothes of a penniless postgraduate. His nadir will be reached when he's in a long, loud corridor of an Important Government Building desperately trying to get his Old College Friend, who will be immaculately-dressed and ooze smug condescension, to listen to him and use his influence to persuade the People In Power that they have to act now. The scientist will always carry in his hand stacks of papers to support his theory but will invariably struggle to locate the key piece of evidence when pressed, nervously shuffling through the papers saying "It's on page... it's... it's... I, uh... I must have..." If interrupted he'll shout "I'M NOT CRAZY!" which will echo down the corridor and cause a moment of extreme discomfort for Old College Friend who will patronisingly tell him, "Steve... You're a fine scientist, it's true. But this is politics. It's a world you'll never understand. Leave this one to the professionals, huh?"

                      If by some miracle the scientist does get an audience with the People In Power he will find himself alone and isolated standing in front of a table of suits and military types (usually flanked by screens showing incoming data from across the world) who will say, "So you want us to evacuate the entire west coast of the United States based on... a few coffee-stained pieces of paper, is that right Dr. Pulaski?" Despite his best efforts to prove that the objects hurtling towards Earth at great speed could result in the end of the human race his arguments will be dismissed as "evidently just old Soviet satellites re-entering the atmosphere. The President's Scientific Advisor has assured him that they pose no threat."

                      When tragedy does eventually strike, Old College Friend will be among dozens of people desperately trying to board a helicopter about to depart from the roof of a skyscraper as the entire city burns around them. Old College Friend will be depicted barging vulnerable people out of the way with cries of "Let me through! Let me through, damn it!"

                      The scientist will react to the vista by sitting down calmly and wistfully adjusting the time on the precious old watch given to him as a last gift by his dying father just before being consumed by flames.

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                        Movie/TV clichés

                        Thunderous applause for the above but if I might suggest....?

                        Rugged, dedicated but mis-understood scientist has geek-chic cool specs. Also an exasperated/estranged wife/girlfriend who is also a tough, hard-hitting, puts up with no crap journalist (also unbelievably attractive of course) who picks up on the presumed planetary armageddon (or whatever) story when rugged scientist ex is late for/ misses cute daughters game/recital/party. "it's ok honey, sure your dad loves you..." "he doesn't, sniffs, he loves his work more.." **ex thinks- its not LL Ike Steve to miss Chlamydia's party or whatever, maybe there's something in this. I'd better talk to my editor**

                        Also- President's science advisor who dismisses our hero's theory has immaculate white coat, tweed suit & bow tie. When he dismisses the theory he looks like he's just smelt a rank guff. The president hears his dismissal, look between him & our hero, holds up a hand at advancing body guards, points at his now ex-advisor & drawls "get this guy outta here...I wanna here what this guy has to say.."
                        Everyone looks all shocked at each other.
                        Our hero looks embarrassed & modest, he's not good at this sort of thing.
                        His ex looks over & realises what she saw in him & looks over her glasses & shares a look with her more dumpy mate....

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                          Movie/TV clichés

                          Yes, huge applause for that one YUT. I can almost see the corridors of your Important Government Building now, smell the smug condescension radiating from the Old College Friend and hear the square jaws of the People In Power setting firmly against the poor scientist.

                          I like Boris' correlative too. I was imagining more like with all other avenues firmly shut down to him, our misunderstood scientist's only way back into the plot is if the OCF or some other occupant of the IGB has a teenage kid who's also got a whiff of the way the global winds are blowing, has mad computer hacking skillz and happens to be roaming around the IGB unchecked, allowing him to bump into the mortified scientist after the latter has been peremptorily dismissed from the presence of the PIP. They can then smuggle themselves into an Important Computer Lab/out of the building in order to start attempting a unilateral and unsanctioned saving of the world, preferably alongside a tough-but-secretly-clever girl, a wisecracking black guy and a small dog.

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                            Movie/TV clichés

                            Your Usual Table wrote: In any disaster movie/sci-fi blockbuster, the brilliant scientist in possession of hard evidence of impending doom will repeatedly try to warn others but will be slapped down by vested interests or faceless bureaucracy. The scientist, if male, will almost always have unkempt hair and several days' stubble and be kitted out in the sweat-soaked clothes of a penniless postgraduate. His nadir will be reached when he's in a long, loud corridor of an Important Government Building desperately trying to get his Old College Friend, who will be immaculately-dressed and ooze smug condescension, to listen to him and use his influence to persuade the People In Power that they have to act now. The scientist will always carry in his hand stacks of papers to support his theory but will invariably struggle to locate the key piece of evidence when pressed, nervously shuffling through the papers saying "It's on page... it's... it's... I, uh... I must have..." If interrupted he'll shout "I'M NOT CRAZY!" which will echo down the corridor and cause a moment of extreme discomfort for Old College Friend who will patronisingly tell him, "Steve... You're a fine scientist, it's true. But this is politics. It's a world you'll never understand. Leave this one to the professionals, huh?"

                            If by some miracle the scientist does get an audience with the People In Power he will find himself alone and isolated standing in front of a table of suits and military types (usually flanked by screens showing incoming data from across the world) who will say, "So you want us to evacuate the entire west coast of the United States based on... a few coffee-stained pieces of paper, is that right Dr. Pulaski?" Despite his best efforts to prove that the objects hurtling towards Earth at great speed could result in the end of the human race his arguments will be dismissed as "evidently just old Soviet satellites re-entering the atmosphere. The President's Scientific Advisor has assured him that they pose no threat."

                            When tragedy does eventually strike, Old College Friend will be among dozens of people desperately trying to board a helicopter about to depart from the roof of a skyscraper as the entire city burns around them. Old College Friend will be depicted barging vulnerable people out of the way with cries of "Let me through! Let me through, damn it!"

                            The scientist will react to the vista by sitting down calmly and wistfully adjusting the time on the precious old watch given to him as a last gift by his dying father just before being consumed by flames.
                            You just need to figure out a new kind of disaster/monster and this could get made very soon.

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                              Movie/TV clichés

                              In addition, with our unkempt, largely unregarded scientist who specialises in the obscure field related to the oncoming Doom, it should be noted that despite him being unregarded, as soon as The People In Power accept that Doom Is Coming, the scientist will be involved in all the decision making and often have audiences with the President. Nobody will remark on this astonishing promotion.

                              It should also be noted that the President, unlike all the advisers, will listen to the scientist, be considered and reasonable against the advice of The People In Power.

                              In a further corollary, should The President be killed by the Forces of Doom, the VP will be charming, qualified, intelligent and considered. Should the President survive, though, the VP will be a conniving, conspiring, corrupt and possibly racist scumbag trying to usurp the President. Anyone who holds the actual office of President during a disaster movie is always a Very Good Person.

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                                Movie/TV clichés

                                Hahaha, thanks folks and all good suggestions! We have the meat of Generic Nineties Summer Blockbuster here. I'd like to add that when Brilliant Scientist (as he's now known) is meeting the PIP and warns that the President's science people may be wrong the head of the PIP will say, "Even if it is these 'dark matter meteors' or whatever it is you call them about to hit Earth then there's no need for concern - it'll provide us with an opportunity to field test Mr. Reynolds' new Missile Defence System."

                                When the extraterrestrial menace is looming towards Earth, all will be gathered in a situation room watching video footage of a massive object bearing down on the planet. Several thousand bright objects - missiles - will shoot towards it and explode in a firestorm that obscures the object. OCF will whoop and cheer, drunk on vindication and success, only to have his celebrations cut short (after a dramatic pause) with an urgent, "Wait!" from someone else in the room... On the screen the firestorm will disperse revealing the object looming more ominously than before. "It... it's a mistake... It has to be a mistake!" shouts OCF. "Begin the evacuation", orders the President, repeating the order louder for dramatic effect. OCF speeds off downtown in his luxury car to collect his glamorous model girlfriend from their penthouse apartment. She, in his absence, has gone into the city and is busy using parts of her designer dresses as field dressings for wounded citizens, explaining her skills as a field medic with, "I dropped out of John Hopkins' to pursue a career in modelling." OCF finds her and desperately tries to drag her away with him, "Diana, we have to go NOW!" She'll look at him with bitterness and rejection - how could she ever have loved this heartless coward? He'll curse her do-gooder nature and will speed off back to the skyscraper where he has a date with destiny...

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                                  Movie/TV clichés

                                  Obviously, each new makeshift bandage she creates will,serve the dual purpose of shortening her skirt.

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                                    Movie/TV clichés

                                    Ka-ching!

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                                      Movie/TV clichés

                                      For max irony when OCF barges his way onto the last helicopter just as it takes off, he sits back in his seat and breathes out. Then the camera pans back and we see the inbound dark matter meteor just moments before it obliterates the helicopter.

                                      Not that OCF is necessarily dead. He could still come back as an unlikely saviour to rescue Brilliant Scientist having avoided incineration in the fireball through never to be explained means. This give him the opportunity to exhibit Personal Growth when he admits to Brilliant Scientist. "Looks like you were right all along. I should have listened to you."

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                                        Movie/TV clichés

                                        Directors and Producers giving interviews where they instructed their casting director to get someone like Jean Boht/Sheila Hancock/someone and they auditioned hundreds of actors but none was right. Then the producer's husband said "why not just ask Jean Boht/ Sheila Hancock/someone?"

                                        And do you know what? They liked the script, came in and nailed it.

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                                          Movie/TV clichés

                                          People throwing papers in the air.

                                          Angry police chief. College lecturer. Top brass at military HQ. They all need their files on hard copy, for maximum rage and frustration.

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                                            Movie/TV clichés

                                            During chases on foot, it's imperative that a stall of fruit is knocked flying. It's fairly critical that the stall holder will then yell "Hey, hey, whaddya doin'?" Or similar.

                                            During a car chase, it's equally imperative that at least one of the following is driven through / knocked over:

                                            * cardboard boxes (as pioneered in Starsky & Hutch opening credits);
                                            * dustbins;
                                            * hanging washing;
                                            * stalls of fruit (see foot chases, above).

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                                              Movie/TV clichés

                                              But all this action and noise does not reach the ears of the pedestrians a few yards down the street, who will not react to the sirens and/or shooting by cowering in a shop but will attempt to cross the street instead, in no great hurry until the vehicle actually arrives.

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                                                Movie/TV clichés

                                                Movies: The cop chasing a fleeing suspect in a car will, during his chase, encounter all of the obstacles Sits and tee rex mention but will not hit a single human being and will often find time to make some dull wisecrack remark to his sidekick. If this chase is happening in a non-Anglophone nation then the camera will cut back to the proprietor of the food stall that was knocked over swearing rabidly and incoherently in foreign because Angry Foreign People Are Funny. The cop will later find himself slouched nonchalantly in front of his furious lieutenant's desk who will list the extensive property damage caused by the chase before ending with, "How would you like to explain all of this, Detective?" "Gettin' results."

                                                Reality: TV footage of a totalled car, with a newsreader's voice explaining, "The mother of seven year-old Amy has been told that her daughter will need extensive surgery if she is to regain the use of her legs." TV footage of a harried, pale, slightly overweight man in a suit, flanked by lawyers and police, desperately trying to avoid an arsenal of cameras and microphones shoved in his direction as he enters a courthouse. The newsreader: "Serious questions are being asked about why this 17-year veteran of the police force was still on active duty given his extensive record of violating regulations and the inordinately high number of people of ethnic minorities on his arrest record." Later footage of an anonymous suburban house, police cordon in place. The newsreader: "... who was due for sentencing for his part in the incident that left a seven year-old girl struggling for life was found at his home having suffered a shotgun blast to the head. Police are not treating the death as suspicious. Unconfirmed reports are stating that the officer was found holding a child's toy of a policeman in his right hand."

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                                                  Movie/TV clichés

                                                  Oh well, news is a whole ghoulish oeuvre of its own:

                                                  After almost any tragedy: distraught people consoling each other. Because that's news;

                                                  Someone standing outside a building telling you what happened or is happening in the building, but cannot or could not be seen. Because you need him/her to actually be there;

                                                  An "anti-terror expert" or similar telling us we can only speculate what is the cause of the latest outrage, or who was behind it. Which we can do by ourselves. They may add that it's not yet known whether there are any Islamic connections.

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                                                    Movie/TV clichés

                                                    Charlie Brooker did news already

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