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    Movie/TV clichés

    90% of snarling-spittle-flecked-bug-eyed bad guys/what-the-fuq-are-you-looking-at grizzled army officers are played by this guy (brilliantly, as it happens):

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      Movie/TV clichés

      What I don't get is that no-one - no-one - in the history of movies who sports the pastel-coloured-sweater-over-the-shoulder look has ever been portrayed as anything other than a colossal d-bag. And yet, I still see people rock this style (accompanied by some sort of boating shoe, of course) in real life. Said finery-fanwahs must either a) rise above it, dismissing it as a mere cultural frivolity of which their kind has no time for; b) enjoy the arch, archer's accuracy of the representation and agree to be "the good chap"; c) never go to the movies, preferring instead the crisp social buggery of the regatta or the quiet, hushed blood-lust of butler-baiting. Or maybe they are head of Bain Capital and don't give a flying fuq.

      Jocks, on the other hand, have no excuse. They need to attend movies so they can get some over-the-sweater action with Mary-Lou. They must therefore know exactly how they are portrayed in movies. And yet, everyone of their ilk I've met (barring a few) behaves in the exact same way. Maybe they don't care: they get to fuq the prom queen, after all. Wait, I think I've gone all meta: am I writing the nerd's blog in some Pretty in Pink redux? Nah.

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        Movie/TV clichés

        Slightly Brown wrote: 90% of snarling-spittle-flecked-bug-eyed bad guys/what-the-fuq-are-you-looking-at grizzled army officers are played by this guy (brilliantly, as it happens):

        Indeed. No casting director ever got fired for hiring Michael Ironside.

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          Movie/TV clichés

          Stumpy Pepys wrote: Indeed. No casting director ever got fired for hiring Michael Ironside.
          I dunno, I think Ang Lee was right to wonder whether he was quite right for Mr Ferrars.

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            Movie/TV clichés

            Wyatt Earp wrote:
            Originally posted by Stumpy Pepys
            Indeed. No casting director ever got fired for hiring Michael Ironside.
            I dunno, I think Ang Lee was right to wonder whether he was quite right for Mr Ferrars.
            So terribly indelicate for him to ask, too. A true pioneer.

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              Movie/TV clichés

              Any corn-field must be gently caressed by an open-palmed warrior, his hand a spiritual Oyster Card for his passage to the after-life. A blurry image of his frolicking - now dead- children at this moment will aid his passage. Said scene must be soundtracked with the longing of a high-register soprano, flavoured with the sickly-apricot-mid-register-timber of the Middle Eastern warbler. Note: the movie corn-field should never reflect an ill-advised-yet-government-sponsored ethanol/rapeseed-oil-planting change of tack.

              Moving into the modern era: farmers must always wear dungarees. They must also tear large pieces of bread before every meal, using the wheat-mass to sup up "Grandmother's best ever gravy." That this will happen pre-Grace will be the centre of an outrage based on a covering-up-of-the-what-we're-really-thinking-about-this-lawyer-from-the-city-you-brought-home-not-Chet-from-Prom-that-still-lives-local-and-that-your-pappa-adores outrage. This will we be reflected by a) the rolling of eyes; b) the flirtatious wink of the teen-aged tom-boy daughter (repeated by the 90-year-old good-time-girl grandmother); c) a montage of him falling over in various sties/pens/coops. They will always be white. Superman may be among their number.

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                Movie/TV clichés

                The huge "one-way" interrogation mirror. "That massive mirror? The whole time you were interrogating me there were people back there? Watching? Swapping quips? I always thought it was about self-reassurance. Getting me to connect with my outer- as well as my inner-self.? Man, I feel like a fanny. Well, you wait until my criminal brethren hear about this. Sure, they will give up information, but they will never look at that mirror the same way...The next time they are in here they will know - know - whom is on the other side of that glass. Ruined it. They may even mouth something like.."Dirty cooooop." They will, without fail, look you straight in the eye as they leave the session. They will not, however, go: "ooooh, that would look great in my bathroom."

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                  Movie/TV clichés

                  Whenever a waggy-tailed dog (especially a retriever or labrador) or friendly cat is introduced by name into a thriller, they will be toast by mid-film; or in the case of cats, they will soon be forlornly miaowing around their owner's dead head. This ruins a lot of thrillers for me and my cat.

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                    Movie/TV clichés

                    I'm any disaster/alien invasion/monster/war movie a cow will be killed in gruesome but possibly, amusing, fashion.

                    Hollywood hates cows.

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                      Movie/TV clichés

                      Stumpy Pepys wrote:
                      Originally posted by Slightly Brown
                      90% of snarling-spittle-flecked-bug-eyed bad guys/what-the-fuq-are-you-looking-at grizzled army officers are played by this guy (brilliantly, as it happens):

                      Indeed. No casting director ever got fired for hiring Michael Ironside.
                      My first experience of Michael Ironside. Memorable.

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                        Movie/TV clichés

                        tratorello wrote: I'm any disaster/alien invasion/monster/war movie a cow will be killed in gruesome but possibly, amusing, fashion.

                        Hollywood hates cows.
                        ha - totally. Said cow must always do the Australian inflection/"really, me?" noise on the instant of its death: moooooo!?

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                          Movie/TV clichés

                          In sex scenes, breasts are almost always on view. Bottoms of both genders are common sights, with a smattering of vaginas (the spell-checker is telling me vaginae). Penises are almost never visible.

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                            Movie/TV clichés

                            People who fall to their deaths off buildings or cliffs, will do so in slow-motion, as if gravity acquired different, dream-like qualities when someone got chucked off a monolithic construct.

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                              Movie/TV clichés

                              Sits With Remote wrote: In sex scenes, breasts are almost always on view. Bottoms of both genders are common sights, with a smattering of vaginas (the spell-checker is telling me vaginae). Penises are almost never visible.
                              True — though there are more than was once the case. The erect male penis is almost the only remaining cinematic cue that the movie is porn, rather than erotica. Therefore, as soft penises are unconvincing in sex scenes, they are rarely shown except post-coitus. At least that's my theory.

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                                Movie/TV clichés

                                In most cases, bars in cinema will always have one or two drunken bastards who just want to have a fight with the main character. In other cases, bars are there for having three or four heavies wait outside so they can face down said main character.

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                                  Movie/TV clichés

                                  While previously in the film, the ruthless baddy has been super efficient and quick in his kills.
                                  But when faced with the hero, will spend ages telling, said hero his plans, allowing him time to think of an escape.

                                  Or contrive a suitably complicated execution, rather than just a quick bullet, again allowing a possible loop hole for escape.

                                  But maybe I saw too many Adam West era Batman shows.

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                                    Movie/TV clichés

                                    Whenever an alien attack occurs, its defeat in Boston or New Jersey (or wherever the hero lives) will somehow be sufficient to deter the entire invasion, regardless of how many other continents may have been besieged by extra-terrestrials.

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                                      Movie/TV clichés

                                      Any object found by any character in a film that has great relevance to the plot will be - instantly and obviously - verbally described by the character as soon as they find it, never mind that anyone watching knows what it bloody is.

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                                        Movie/TV clichés

                                        How to illustrate to the audience what the character has recently been doing.

                                        DIY - Home improvement?
                                        Paint on the cheek bones.
                                        Ladies must have hair tied up in cloth.

                                        Baking?
                                        Dob of flour on the nose.
                                        Headgear, see above.

                                        Mending the car?
                                        Grease artfully smeared on the forehead.
                                        (Carrying spanner optional)

                                        Bit tipsy after a party?
                                        Little party hat at jaunty angle.
                                        Gentleman will have bottle in hand, tie askew.

                                        Bit of a punch up?
                                        Plaster on cheek or in more gritty dramas, a slight trickle of blood from the side of the mouth.
                                        Any offers of medical attention will be contemptuously declined.

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                                          Movie/TV clichés

                                          In all pre-eighties sci-fi productions, the assumption is that all people from the future will wear a variation on whatever is the current fashion.

                                          An obvious soap rule: No one shall have a relationship with a person who doesn't already inhabit the square/street/farm/hospital. In the unlikely event that this does happen, said newcomer must move in with his/her partner immediately - regardless of the fact that it's far too early in the relationship. The couple will then start planning a family with similar reckless abandon. Or indeed kill one another.

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                                            Movie/TV clichés

                                            In any sci-fi/horror, when a human being is taken over by any entity, be it biological or spirit-form, people who know that person will still talk to them as if nothing's wrong, never mind that the possessed character will act in a totally different and altogether ghoulish way to how they did before.

                                            Metallic knives, swords or any other weaponry will resonate with a piercing 'schhinng!' sound, even with the merest small movement.

                                            In a fantasy/sci-fi/horror film scenario, characters who supposedly return from the dead (usually as part of the evil plan of the villain, who manages to manipulate the minds of his antagonists and pull off a trick like that) will still be welcomed back tearfully by the people who loved them, the latter seemingly rejecting the reality that they really are dead and that they buried the buggers a long time ago.

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                                              Movie/TV clichés

                                              As annoying and intrusive people like Jessica Fletcher are, the head of a police department will ultimately allow an amateur sleuth to virtually take over an entire murder investigation.

                                              With the odd rare exception, security guards in films are either injured or killed, and are completely useless.

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                                                Movie/TV clichés

                                                ian.64 wrote: With the odd rare exception, security guards in films ... are completely useless.
                                                And that differs from real life how?

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                                                  Movie/TV clichés

                                                  Don't know, GO. I've never staged a multi-million-dollar heist or sophisticated art theft enough to find out.

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                                                    Movie/TV clichés

                                                    You haven't? Damn, Ian, I was relying on you...

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