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    Fuck I barely ever eat breakfast. If I waited till eating I'd be honking the office out with Deathbreath till 11. I'm struggling to imagine getting up and dressed, having breakfast and then going to work. I'd be right pissed off about the 20 extra minutes in my scratcher I'd have forgone.

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      I'm a slow starter, me. Wake up, shower, get dressed, have breakfast, brush teeth, leave. Easily takes an hour from the bed to the front door.

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        Originally posted by Wouter D View Post
        I'm a slow starter, me. Wake up, shower, get dressed, have breakfast, brush teeth, leave. Easily takes an hour from the bed to the front door.
        This, but teeth before breakfast.

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          Meanwhile.

          In any drama featuring Calista Flockhart, she will be deeply annoying, especially adept at passive aggression. See also Sally Field.

          Yes, Mrs. S is re-watching Brothers & Sisters. From s1 ep1.

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            Originally posted by Snake Plissken View Post
            "Who dunnit?"
            "Not sure. But my money is on the slightly more famous actor than the other suspects who the audience recognise from other shows and only appeared for the first two minutes of the episode so clearly hasn't earned their slice of the fee yet"
            Any excuse:

            http://www.pentadact.com/2014-08-08-...der-she-wrote/

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              Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
              Characters get out of bed (sometimes from under an L-shaped sheet, see above) in the morning, and the first thing they do is go into the adjacent bathroom and brush their teeth – despite no breakfast of any sort having been consumed. I, for one, have never done this, not being in the habit of eating in my sleep; nor so far as I'm aware has anyone else I know.

              The actual act of toothbrushing, meanwhile, is an implausibly neat and brisk affair, like in adverts. It takes mere seconds and is never accompanied by the slightest foaming at the mouth, spraying the mirror with white flecks or dribbling toothpaste down their shirtfront. No-one stands there for ages carefully moving an electric brush from one tooth to the next, or has to worry about it running out of charge halfway; nobody fiddles around with floss and interdental brushes, nor spends a minute gargling mouthwash with the noise of a malfunctioning washing machine. The process is completed by a single swift spit into the sink and a half-second on and off of the tap. They leave without needing to wipe their face with a towel or even rinsing their mouth out.

              Then presumably they eat their breakfast.
              If I'm honest, I'm fairly grateful that most film/TV directors opt to omit most of this. (Of course, if it's The Sweeney, then John Thaw simply jumps out of bed, swigs from his unfinished glass of Scotch and steams straight off to break a few heads...)

              Unless I'm heading out early, I've never been in the habit of brushing teeth until after I've eaten, either. This, however, is supposed to be the wrong procedure, as you're brushing recent food residue/acid all over your teeth. So they tell me.

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                Originally posted by Giggler View Post
                That is... glorious.

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                  Oh yes, just saw that. Written for this thread.

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                    That's frigging magnificent. I want to watch an actual episode right now, or possibly just an acted version of that meta-treatment.

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                      Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                      Too cryptic? Sorry, thought someone might pick up on it. OK (deep breath) – this is a real bête noire of mine, with the added irony of there being no sodding noire in sight.

                      Teal and fucking orange.


                      It's a recent but now inescapable phenomenon where bludgeoningly unimaginative digital colour grading of movies pushes all the shadows into the teal-blue 'moonlight' end of the spectrum and all the highlights into the golden-orange look of 'magic hour', creating an entirely, impossibly bicoloured world. There's almost no genuine white or black to be found, good luck locating a genuine red, and note even the Hulk above barely looks green now, despite your average movie poster making the colours much stronger.
                      It makes my head hurt when watching almost any film, and increasingly TV shows and adverts as well, because the combination is so unnatural. It makes people look either sickly and unhealthy or blazing and oily – or, to take a particularly unfortunate example I've seen, Nicolas Cage in Knowing, literally wooden. Directors and set designers have also taken the next step of making everything on screen physically match one of these two colours, so everyone is walking around in blueish-turquoise clothes whilst filling their surroundings with implausibly high percentages of orange curtains, cushions, wall art, ringbinders, coffee cups, you name it.

                      Brilliant news for ginger-haired, blue-eyed actors, in other words, but awful for everyone else. It makes me feel bilious, and makes everything look the same. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this – but be warned, once you've seen it, you can't unsee it, and it's everywhere. Except, mercifully and in contrast to Bored's example above, in soap operas funnily enough, which are still keen to look like 'real life'.

                      As for so much in life, I blame Michael Bay:

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                        Holy fuck. My eyes. Is that for real Sits?? If so, we might just have hit Maximum Teal and Orange, finally.

                        Christ on a hoverbike, that is terrifying preposterous. Can people really not see what they're doing with this ludicrous shite, or does everyone in Hollywood production, direction, design and marketing have such burned-out retinas they genuinely can't see it anymore?

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                          Blame Peter Saville:



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                            Straight off an image search VA. Saw it on a billboard this morning and felt there was a civic responsibility to put it here.

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                              By all accounts, it seems to be a fair representation of the look of the film itself, of course. Gordon Bennett.


                              I like how the Regret single's artwork makes it look like a hitherto unknown New Order theme to Brokeback Mountain.

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                                Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                                Holy fuck. My eyes. Is that for real Sits?? If so, we might just have hit Maximum Teal and Orange, finally.

                                Christ on a hoverbike, that is terrifying preposterous. Can people really not see what they're doing with this ludicrous shite, or does everyone in Hollywood production, direction, design and marketing have such burned-out retinas they genuinely can't see it anymore?
                                Probably. The Transformers movies inevitably dialed this up to 11. Even Serenity is too much and that was made in 2005.

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                                  Originally posted by Benjm View Post
                                  Blame Peter Saville:



                                  Republic is the album that "broke up the band" IIRC, or gave Hooky his excuse to flounce out, depending on your POV.

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                                    Probably. The Transformers movies inevitably dialed this up to 11
                                    It was Michael Bay who popularised it. Or at least whoever does his colour grading.

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                                      Indeed: I said in my original rant that Sits quoted above, "As for so much in life, I blame Michael Bay", and included a screenshot of a burnt-orange Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox – alas the picture seems to have vanished in the boards move or possibly beforehand.

                                      It was his first Transformers film that really made me notice the grotesquely over-the-top colourisation, although I didn't realise at the time what it was I was seeing. I just knew that I was distracted and faintly weirded out by how disturbingly hot, oily and unnatural their faces looked all the time, as if from living in that freakish Bay-universe where it's permanently 'magic hour' and wherever you go there are vast blazing sunsets following you around (like the Eiffel Tower does to characters in films in Paris), with helicopters constantly going whoomp-whoomp-whoomp past behind your head in slow-motion against them, to boot.


                                      Ah, here it is:

                                      Seriously, if I lived there I'd need to slap on something like Factor 80 just to leave the house.
                                      Last edited by Various Artist; 04-10-2017, 01:42.

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                                        This was the thread I was looking for on Sunday when I saw the first few minutes of The Last Post, the new BBC drama about MPs (military) in Aden. Every single external shot has been given an orange tinge, I assume to give the impression of being under the Arabian sun, but it just makes everything look fake.

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                                          Worth a watch.

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                                            These may or may not have been done before:

                                            1. Police officers never, never finish impromptu cups of coffee, snacks or ice creams. An emergency will surely arise before they can;

                                            2. Police officers, army guards etc. (especially Wehrmacht) are surely doomed to die the moment they share a glimpse of their home or private life with a colleague. I think there was a comedy sketch at some point with Wehrmacht guards, something along these lines:

                                            Guard 1: You want to see a picture of my girl?
                                            Guard 2: No! Stop, just stop! You know the moment you do that you, and quite possibly I, are about to snuff it.

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                                              The first of those was alluded-to by my good self - and probably others - some pages back.

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                                                Originally posted by Levin View Post
                                                This was the thread I was looking for on Sunday when I saw the first few minutes of The Last Post, the new BBC drama about MPs (military) in Aden. Every single external shot has been given an orange tinge, I assume to give the impression of being under the Arabian sun, but it just makes everything look fake.
                                                Good series though I thought.

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                                                  Africa, as a land of gorgeous sunsets and baobabs. Maybe not as much in cinema as in books mind (not always the fault of the writer of course, I’m sure publishers have a lot to answer for here):

                                                  Why do all these books about Africa look the same?

                                                  https://twitter.com/SimonMStevens/status/464049317926686720


                                                  And this bien sûr… (modelled on Gérard Depardieu?)




                                                  Zut alors! The popular British cartoon and television series “Mr. Men” has come up with a malodorous Mr. Rude who speaks with a bad French accent.

                                                  New Mr Men character is French and rude

                                                  The new Mr Rude breaks wind and speaks with a French accent


                                                  A spokesman for the French ambassador to the UK refused to comment but a source at the French Embassy said: "It is obviously meant in a light-hearted way but it won't improve Anglo-French relations."
                                                  An ex colleague bought me a Mr Rude mug once as a joke (?). Cheeky bastard, I even laughed when she gave it to me… I should of course have frowned, shrugged, sworn and thrown the fucking mug out of the window straight away instead. But I accepted it and took it in good grace, as very occasionally, OK rarely, perhaps once a year round Xmas, we can be polite-ish and even, even, in exceptional circumstances, charming-ish. And, and, it’s been said and spotted by anthropologists on several occasions since the 19th century, even display what resembles attempts at being humorous.

                                                  Took my artist’s kit, added an "s" (Mrs) and a pair of breasts on the mug and gave it to my mother-in-law for Xmas, who, of course, saw the funny side. But she is British, so of course she would see the funny side, unlike us miserable joyless sods.
                                                  Last edited by Pérou Flaquettes; 15-05-2018, 16:49.

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                                                    Originally posted by Kev7 View Post
                                                    Africa, as a land of gorgeous sunsets and baobabs. Maybe not as much in cinema as in books mind (not always the fault of the writer of course, I’m sure publishers have a lot to answer for here):

                                                    Why do all these books about Africa look the same?

                                                    https://twitter.com/SimonMStevens/status/464049317926686720

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