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Craptastic big budget movies

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    #26
    Oh, Titanic is so fucking bloated and rotten, and swamped under a wave of tiresome cliche. But somehow people still like it.

    (It goes without saying that I think that pretty much all superhero movies fit into this category, but that kind of ruins the point of picking out the most egregious examples).

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      #27
      The Day After Tomorrow is one of my favourite terrible science movies, up there with The Core. The best bit is probably when the dad survives a superfreeze storm or whatever they call it, with the coldest temperatures ever on earth, in ordinary clothes in the sort of tent you'd take to a music festival.

      It's also just a really bad movie all round. 2012 is ridiculous, and as noted too long, but it is relatively entertaining on its own merits.
      Last edited by Ginger Yellow; 26-10-2020, 22:13.

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        #28
        Originally posted by San Bernardhinault View Post
        Oh, Titanic is so fucking bloated and rotten, and swamped under a wave of tiresome cliche. But somehow people still like it.

        (
        People like schmaltz.

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          #29
          I thought Titanic was pretty decent once the dying started, which was probably already an hour and a half in, though I have never felt the need to rewatch it and can't imagine that I ever will.
          I also don't mind the Day After Tomorrow, ridiculous as it is, but certainly wouldn't say it's a good movie.

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            #30
            Oh, and I agree with everyone that thinks the Jackson Kong is awful.

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              #31
              Originally posted by 3 Colours Red View Post
              Avatar. Ferngully with giant Smurfs.

              Highest grossing film of all time for a decade, now no-one gives a fuck about it for very good reason. It's shit. No wonder the sequels have stalled.

              And mentioning James Cameron again, Titanic. Three hours of terrible editing, plotholes bigger than that iceberg and Celine Fucking Dion.

              Avatar is such a weird one. It made so much money but I don't know anyone who really loved it or saw it more than once. I've never seen a kid with an Avatar shirt or backpack or Halloween costume. I sense no groundswell of interest in the sequels. I've heard a few Hollywood writers make the same point. Was it massive in China or something?

              I thought it was fine. 2.5/5. The 3D kinda made me seasick, but it had some good design. The ecological stuff was a bit heavy-handed, but that's to be expected in an international blockbuster.



              How were there plot holes in Titanic? The ship hits an iceberg and sinks. Young people meet and have sex in a car. There was room on that raft for Jack, but he was delirious or whatever. It's tragic.

              I liked Titanic because it was so over the top and tragic and ridiculous. The Celine Dion song is a masterpiece of schmaltz. Kate Winslet looks good in it. And, at the time, the CGI was impressive on the big screen.

              I also recall that Roger Ebert really loved Decappreo's performance in that. It was fine, I guess, but kind of a thin character.
              Last edited by Hot Pepsi; 27-10-2020, 14:27.

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                #32
                Originally posted by Nocturnal Submission View Post


                It was long but it was very good. The fight between Kong and the T-Rexs was fantastic.
                That was probably the silliest part of a film that contained lots of silly parts and as many boring ones.

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                  #33
                  Both of the latest Clash of the Titans efforts were shite, particularly the second one. I remember looking forward to the first one before it came out and being rather disappointed. Casting Sam Worthington seems to have an adverse effect on films.

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                    #34
                    Originally posted by Sean of the Shed View Post

                    That was probably the silliest part of a film that contained lots of silly parts and as many boring ones.

                    I think you'll find that the silliest part was when Naomi Watts performed an acrobatic dance routine for Kong, but there were lots of good bits, you bunch of miserable mentalists.
                    Last edited by Nocturnal Submission; 27-10-2020, 14:41.

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                      #35
                      Originally posted by Sean of the Shed View Post
                      Both of the latest Clash of the Titans efforts were shite, particularly the second one. I remember looking forward to the first one before it came out and being rather disappointed. Casting Sam Worthington seems to have an adverse effect on films.
                      Yeah. I loved the 80s one, but it doesn't really hold up. The new ones were pointless. I don't know if I saw the second one though.

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                        #36
                        I think I was so bored that I must have slept through the good bits. I'd totally forgotten the T-Rex fight, and even now all that I really remember is how bloody long it went on.

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                          #37
                          Independence Day sums up "craptastic" for me - it was utterly unbelievable, totally hammed up, borderline nonsensical, but also hugely enjoyable. You just got the sense that they knew it was utter hokum too, but were having a great time cheesing it up, so you kind of had to have a great time too.

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                            #38
                            King Kong received positive reviews from critics. On aggregate review site Rotten Tomatoes, the film has an approval rating of 84% based on 267 reviews, with an average rating of 7.68/10. The site's critical consensus reads, "Featuring state-of-the-art special effects, terrific performances, and a majestic sense of spectacle, Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong is a potent epic that's faithful to the spirit of the 1933 original." On Metacritic, the film has a score of 81 out of 100, based on 39 critics, indicating "universal acclaim". Audiences polled by CinemaScore gave the film an average grade of "A–" on an A+ to F scale.

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                              #39
                              Hot Pepsi The plotholes relate to the various subplots that go nowhere and never get tied up. The one time I saw it I spent about 20 minutes just going "what happened with him?" and "was that thing with the thing meant to be resolved in any way?"

                              Probably a result of that hack job of an edit. This Bustle article puts it better than I can - I've not seen it since 1998.

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                                #40
                                Originally posted by 3 Colours Red View Post
                                Hot Pepsi The plotholes relate to the various subplots that go nowhere and never get tied up. The one time I saw it I spent about 20 minutes just going "what happened with him?" and "was that thing with the thing meant to be resolved in any way?"

                                Probably a result of that hack job of an edit. This Bustle article puts it better than I can - I've not seen it since 1998.
                                Some of those are not plot holes. Those are nitpicks. Not the same. They're just questionable decisions by characters in a crisis that aren't fully explained because that would make it even longer and more tedious.

                                The old lady Rose could have just forgotten the first time she wore the neckless or not counted the first time because it made a better story without that. It's not hard to believe that Rose thought whatshisface would save her. He was, after all, "his property" so she may have thought she could play that to her advantage.

                                It's not odd that she'd tell a story that she was told second hand as if she was there. People do that.

                                I wasn't clear that her mom or Cal survived, so that's one way she could have gotten away from them post-disaster. She may have given a different fake name to the rescuers maybe they really thought she was dead and she moved to California or some such and they didn't find her because it was harder to find people in those days, especially if you weren't looking. Or she could have just somehow gotten away from them in America and married somebody else and/or maybe Cal just let her go because he didn't want to marry somebody who hated him quite that much and her mom learned to cope with that because her priorities changed due to the trauma.

                                The railing thing might have been dangerous, but it was to show how much she trusted him.

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                                  #41
                                  Sorry 3CR, but those complaints mentioned in your link are very weak. For example, shed DID only wear the necklace once, the other time Cal just put it against her neck to see how it would look. And as for "how does the narrator know what happened in scenes that didn't involve her?" bit - you've got to have at least some suspension of disbelief in these things. I bet you used to watch Daz Doorstep Challenge commercials and wonder how there was already a cameraman inside the house before Danny Baker rang the doorbell.

                                  And as far as I'm concerned all the stories are resolved. It was only on the second time of watching that I realised that Fabrizio was the one who got squashed by the funnel, and only on the third that I realised that creepy butler bloke got done when the boat split in half (admittedly, that one had been bugging me up until then).

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                                    #42
                                    Originally posted by Hot Pepsi View Post
                                    The Celine Dion song is a masterpiece of schmaltz.
                                    I went to Prague for a friend's wedding in 1998 and we kept hearing a full on euro-disco mix of My Heart Will Go On everywhere that we went. I've had a soft spot for it ever since.

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                                      #43
                                      Heavenly creatures is the only Jackson film I can half stand. He seems to specialise in bloated shite.

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                                        #44
                                        Originally posted by pebblethefish View Post
                                        Sorry 3CR, but those complaints mentioned in your link are very weak.
                                        I can't change how I felt watching that absolute dreck in the 90s and I'm not willing to put myself through it again. I don't care if it's nitpicky - I should have seen it coming like the fucking iceberg. Why pad so much of the excruciatingly lengthy runtime with some overly schmaltzy made-up bullshit?

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                                          #45
                                          Why pad so much of the excruciatingly lengthy runtime with some overly schmaltzy made-up bullshit?
                                          You don't understand late 1990s US teenage girl culture.

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                                            #46
                                            Originally posted by pebblethefish View Post
                                            Independence Day sums up "craptastic" for me - it was utterly unbelievable, totally hammed up, borderline nonsensical, but also hugely enjoyable. You just got the sense that they knew it was utter hokum too, but were having a great time cheesing it up, so you kind of had to have a great time too.
                                            I lasted 45 minutes of 'Independence Day' before I stood up, shouted 'fuck off' at the screen and walked out. My lodger, with whom I went, met me in the pub after and said 'not a fan, then'?

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                                              #47
                                              I liked a lot of the really craptastic films of the nineties and early 00s, the likes of Van Helsing, Independence Day and the Day after Tomorrow. I even enjoyed The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

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                                                #48
                                                When did films bloat to an obligatory two and a half hour plus run time? Die Hard ran to 132 minutes but it never seems to be that long. Some films feel like an endurance test.

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                                                  #49
                                                  I just saw that GI Joe: Rise of Cobra is on one of the high number channels this evening. Gawd, that was shite.

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                                                    #50
                                                    I quite liked Waterworld.

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