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What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

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    What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

    'The worst film I've ever seen' is an old chestnut that pops up again and again on message boards (including this one). but then again, it's kind of a pointless exercise because there aren't any agreed definitions for mediocrity.

    Creeping Terror and Girl on a Motorcycle are both rotten films, but for completely different reasons. So, I'd like to have the discussion again, but set against some common categories for rotten-ness.

    All-round indefensibility would be one criteria, encompassing everything from dullness, rotten acting, technical ineptitude and inept plotting. This discounts any film described as 'so bad it's good'.

    But what would be the others? Insufferable pretentiousness perhaps? Cloying sentimentality?. Help me out here folks.

    #2
    What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

    Overweening and hopelessly misplaced Self-Importance?

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      #3
      What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

      1. Incidences of grotesque sado-porn that would have made even the Marquis de Sade throw up just to think about them

      2. Any plot device that involves, improbably, a young "scientist" who has "discovered" something that then becomes the main plot device for the rest of the film, especially if that means them running around in tight T-shirts

      3. Absolutely anything involving Jennifer Aniston.

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        #4
        What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

        Rogin the Armchair Fan wrote:
        1. Incidences of grotesque sado-porn that would have made even the Marquis de Sade throw up just to think about them
        Do enlighten us.

        2. Any plot device that involves, improbably, a young "scientist" who has "discovered" something that then becomes the main plot device for the rest of the film, especially if that means them running around in tight T-shirts
        That's kind of the plot of Reanimator. Which is ace.

        3. Absolutely anything involving Jennifer Aniston.
        Even Office Space?

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          #5
          What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

          Girl on a Motorcycle has no business in this thread!

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            #6
            What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

            Scorsese's The Aviator would seem to fulfil all SP's and TG's criteria. Thank fuck it didn't have a torture scene.

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              #7
              What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

              Girl on a Motorcycle was a terrible film; dull, pointless and nowhere near as pervy as it should have been.

              I saw this at the Scala in Kings Cross about 1985. Brilliant cinema though; anyone else used to go there? They showed all night horror films and very good double bills. The place was very seedy, lots of oddballs and they even had a cat which would prowl around and sleep on your lap. Unfortunately they pissed off Stanley Kubrick by showing Clockwork Orange and the threat of legal action shut them down.

              Scala poster

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                #8
                What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                Rogin the Armchair Fan wrote:
                3. Absolutely anything involving Jennifer Aniston.
                100% behind you. Add J.Lopez to the cast and we'd have the dullest movie of all times.

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                  #9
                  What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                  Any good horror film which has a sequel, or anything after.

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                    #10
                    What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                    PPV, so Dawn of the Dead is a bad film, is it?

                    Stumpy is trying to objectivise something subjective (bloody scientist). It isn't going to work.

                    Scream 2 is the worst film I've seen at the cinema. It is so because I found it utterly boring. I don't need a better reason.

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                      #11
                      What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                      Pietro Paolo Virdis wrote:
                      Any good horror film which has a sequel, or anything after.
                      Not true. Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Aliens, Evil Dead 2, Friday the 13 Part II, Hellraiser II (I could go on).

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                        #12
                        What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                        This is so easy Stumpy.

                        If the poster has a design similar to the following, where Hevetica (or similar sans-serif typeface) is used to spell out the name of the film, alternating colours (usually red, black and white) between thin and bold/black weight for each word, coupled with a terribly Photoshopped comp of the actors, it's a guaranteed turkey.

                        For instance, this has just come out in the UK:



                        It's described as a 'rom-com' (they usually are). It's probably a hulking pile of nothingness. It will also make back something like three times its budget, so another one will get made. And another one. And another one...

                        /discussion

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                          #13
                          What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                          This is why I said what I said on the other thread about Saving Private Ryan. There are a gazillion generic rom-coms. As you say. There are even more terribly made films with bad editing, awful scripts, shite vfx. I can't see how one of them is worse than any other.
                          so for me a really bad film is something like Existenz, that treats the viewer with utter contempt, or like SPR, which is so hubristic and so pernicious that it goes way beyond bad.

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                            #14
                            What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                            Mark Kermode just reviewed You Again and said it was alright.

                            What's your problem with eXistenZ Lyra? I quite liked it (although I am a huge Cronenburg fan). It seems such an innocuous film to get hot and bothered about.

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                              #15
                              What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                              Revolver is without doubt the worst movie ever made. Not even guy ritchie has the faintest fucking idea how it ends. I think it hits nearly every criteria mentioned above apart from having j-lo in it.

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                                #16
                                What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                Stumpy Pepys wrote:
                                Mark Kermode just reviewed You Again and said it was alright.
                                The man has a few odd blind spots. See also High School Musical 3...

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                                  #17
                                  What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                  Janik wrote:
                                  Scream 2 is the worst film I've seen at the cinema. It is so because I found it utterly boring. I don't need a better reason.
                                  I think tedium must be a prime consideration when judging what constitutes a bad film. I can be entertained by awfulness in movies almost as much as I can enjoy greatness but boring is unforgiveable.

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                                    #18
                                    What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                    I think tedium must be a prime consideration when judging what constitutes a bad film. I can be entertained by awfulness in movies almost as much as I can enjoy greatness but boring is unforgiveable.
                                    I partly agree, but not all terrible films are boring. Take the example that's always trotted out in discussions of bad films: Plan 9 from Outer Space. Now for all its faults – and they are legion – it's certainly not dull.

                                    That was the point of the my original post – there are probably five or six separate criteria for rotten-ness. And probably no film is guilty of them all.

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                                      #19
                                      What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                      So, I think we're up to five criteria:

                                      All-round ineptness
                                      Most pretentious film
                                      Insufferable sentimentality
                                      Most tedious film
                                      Most objectionable moral or political message

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                                        #20
                                        What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                        Ah, but that would be Armeggedon , which I actually quite like.

                                        Ineptness? Yep, in spades, in the way that they treat "gravity" on the "comet".

                                        Pretentious? Hardly needs any further explanation.

                                        Sentimentality? Er, it's layered on with a trowel.

                                        Tedious? Pretty much.

                                        Objectionable moral or political message? Well, the idea that only all-American roughnecks can save the world is pretty objectionable, but maybe not as bad as you're looking for.

                                        And yet I wouldn't by any means say it was a "terrible" film. Far from it. So I'm not sure your bottled down criteria are right, yet.

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                                          #21
                                          What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                          Criteria? Simple.

                                          After ten minutes I start checking the time.

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                                            #22
                                            What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                            We need an internationally recognised set of standards like the Mohs scale of hardness, or the Beaufort scale for wind

                                            As the Beaufort Scale is based on empirical evidence its probably most applicable to our purpose and I link to it here

                                            I propose the Stumpy Scale of FIlm Shitness- SSFS

                                            With observations of the effects of scores of one to five in each category.

                                            I disagree with sentimentality as a category in and of itself - since great films- Its a Wonderful Life or Babe to name just two that occur to me can be extremely sentimental.

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                                              #23
                                              What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                              Rogin the Armchair Fan wrote:
                                              Ah, but that would be Armeggedon , which I actually quite like.

                                              Ineptness? Yep, in spades, in the way that they treat "gravity" on the "comet".

                                              Pretentious? Hardly needs any further explanation.

                                              Sentimentality? Er, it's layered on with a trowel.

                                              Tedious? Pretty much.

                                              Objectionable moral or political message? Well, the idea that only all-American roughnecks can save the world is pretty objectionable, but maybe not as bad as you're looking for.

                                              And yet I wouldn't by any means say it was a "terrible" film. Far from it. So I'm not sure your bottled down criteria are right, yet.
                                              No no no -- you misunderstand.

                                              My point is that no single film can fulfill any list of criteria. If we could agree on a list of criteria, posters can then assign individual films to these categories, then we're no longer comparing apples with oranges.

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                                                #24
                                                What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                                I propose the Stumpy Scale of FIlm Shitness- SSFS
                                                How about the OTF Framework of Film Shitness, or the OFFS scale

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                                                  #25
                                                  What are the criteria for judging terrible films?

                                                  Rogin the Armchair Fan wrote:
                                                  I propose the Stumpy Scale of FIlm Shitness- SSFS
                                                  How about the OTF Framework of Film Shitness, or the OFFS scale
                                                  I like it

                                                  Nefertiti2 wrote:
                                                  I disagree with sentimentality as a category in and of itself - since great films- Its a Wonderful Life or Babe to name just two that occur to me can be extremely sentimental.
                                                  Depends. It can be positive or negative. I once had the misfortune to watch Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man, whose cloying sentimentality made me want to chew off one of my own limbs.

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