I've just seen a traumatic advert

[Levin]

https://twitter.com/TheAthletic/status/1628362969880076291?t=sYN5HLI-IGPAkPfkMR1ggA&s=19

Is this promoted tweet advertising The Atlantic's scoop or is the Atlantic advertising the broadcaster?

[MarkF]

Jane Plan. Oooooooooh boy, have I wanted to get my teeth into this one for a while.

First of all, you see Jane. Just Jane, like Cher or Madonna because she's a legend... in her own mind. She says the usual guff about how Jane Plan (again, named after herself because she's just that fucking great, everybody) is an "effective weight loss plan" or whatever with all the sincerity of a speech at a Conservative Party conference, and with a smile about as genuine as Michael Fabricant's hair. Completely dead behind the eyes.

All in a tone so patronising, you feel like you've been sedated within about 0.3 of a femtosecond.

Now it's mentioned that all the meals are delivered to your home. Yes, yes, portion control. Yes, yes, nutritionally formulated. Bollocks to that. If I'm ordering food to be delivered to me, it's because I'm a lazy bastard who wants so much salt in his takeaway that one lick of it would give a horse a heart attack.

The testimonies. These have to be genuine because I don't think any agency on Earth would have actors this bad on their books. It makes Hollyoaks look like it's being staged by the RSC.

There's this one woman who says "I lost weight" in a manner so plummy and unnatural, I just get images of Brian Butterfield flashing up in my brain. I'm starting to wonder if there are cheat days where you can eat as many meat slabs and bonbonbonbons as you can in 24 hours.

So, as the great man himself would say:



Or don't. I couldn't even be arsed to recall whether there was a phone number or not.

Thank you. That is one of sooooo many adverts I absolutely detest. The diversity of the group is notable too (in a not good way).

I wonder what goes through the minds of marketeers when they spitball these things?

The re-runs of Family Guy on itv2 have these awful inserts where a pair of parents call their children to tell them excruciatingly unfunny puns. They are beyond horrible. Did the people writing that crap sit there thinking "I bet the audience will be cracking up at these..." No. No we wont.

[3 Colours Red]

The diversity of the group is notable too (in a not good way).

I would have brought that up but as an overweight, middle-aged white person it might have been a bit "people in glass houses".

Anyhoo...

That fucking Tesco Clubcard advert. I don't care how much money I could save if it does that to my face. It's like if the Joker, the people in the video for Black Hole Sun who aren't Soundgarden and that Momo scary face meme that went round a few years ago got amalgamated with a few extra dashes of nightmare fuel thrown in for good measure.

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nmrfox]

David Seaman must be facing financial oblivion as this is simply excruciating - Safestyle 2022 Advert - Introducing David Seaman. - YouTube

[Sam]

I think it's the charisma that sells it to me.

[Jah Womble]

Don't know about Seaman, but the scriptwriter needs a serious kicking in the privates for that fiasco.

[ursus arctos]

I'm sure this one is NA only, but the Tubi ad in which giant plush rabbits rip people from their homes and cars and throw down bottomless holes fits the bill

[fospheny]

Don't know about Seaman, but the scriptwriter needs a serious kicking in the privates for that fiasco.

They have form, and that is not their worst or most annoying ad. I'm sure people from the North West (I think it was regional then?) remember this monstrosity.

And with a football link in mind, the convicted (for tax dodging) shouty man used to be a match announcer for Burnley

[Sean of the Shed]

We used to get that shouty Safestyle twat in the Midlands too.

[pebblethefish]

And the South. Didn't realise it was the same company until this thread.

[MarkF]

Have the Verisure ads been mentioned yet? Awful in every way.

[Simon G]

Have the Verisure ads been mentioned yet? Awful in every way.

Absolutely - I didn't realise burglary was such an issue until I saw those ads. It's a wonder anyone leaves their house with that amount of scaremongering.

[Jah Womble]

We used to get that shouty Safestyle twat in the Midlands too.

He looks like a Poundland Sam Kinison.

[Southport Zeb]

Absolutely - I didn't realise burglary was such an issue until I saw those ads. It's a wonder anyone leaves their house with that amount of scaremongering.

I'm pretty certain that the people who make the ads haven't left their homes for a long time. They certainly don't have any understanding of what passes for even vaguely natural sounding conversation.

[MarkF]

Speaking of natural. An object lesson in “smell the fart” acting comes at the end of the Chase advert where the pub-goer, on the verge of Robin Day-like interrogation skewering, demands to know just how many millions of Americans use the bank, recoils in utter amazement when he hears the answer, (a lot) and recovers manfully to resume the conversation he was busy ignoring.

I hope I can get verification for this. There is a Rustlers advert featuring little red riding hood and the wolf as Granny, turning the trope in knots as they go about showing just how much they love each other. At the end, LRR is tasked with actually taking a bite. I may be mistaken but I swear she does that ‘taking a dummy bite’ thing and then masticates furiously with her mouth closed … I have no idea, if this is so, what this says about this product but I’m guessing it’s nothing good.

[elguapo4]

There's an ad for Tesco's Irish lamb that's probably the weirdest concept I've heard in years. 40 something bloke is cooking lamb for dinner, while asking his mother for advice. Mother is off camera, so we don't know if she's in the room or on the phone. It turns out that mother's dead, and this wannabe Norman Bates recorded her side of the conversation on a cassette tape before she died, so he can play this over and over again. Rather than suggesting he seek counselling, his family seems to think that this behaviour is the most natural thing in the world.

This ad is currently on heavy rotation ,so it's obviously just me.

[Jah Womble]

Some bright spark has decided that the best music bed to promote M&S's spring clothing range is OMD's Enola Gay.

I guess that, for some, nothing says 'cutting-edge fashion' like a song documenting a weapon that killed more than 100,000 citizens.

[3 Colours Red]

Gah, beaten to it.

The music director should have stayed at home yesterday.

[Jah Womble]

It’s almost-but-not-quite up there with Harvester restaurants using the Isley Brothers’ anti-famine anthem Harvest for the World as their ad theme (with lyrics ‘intact’) a couple of decades back…

[3 Colours Red]

Harvester restaurants using the Isley Brothers’ anti-famine anthem Harvest for the World as their ad theme (with lyrics ‘intact’) a couple of decades back…

All the subtletly of a brick being thrown in your face... d'you think that whoever made that choice later went on to work on Homes Under The Hammer?

[ursus arctos]

https://twitter.com/business/status/1641031322595409920?s=20

[Sam]

I see that preview image contains a British passport among the selection. We've still got it!

[Hot Orange]

Whispering into what now?

[Sean of the Shed]

I always hated those fucking meerkats, but now they've introduced a fucking wombat that is just as annoying but with an Australian accent. I don't like the idea of hurting animals normally, but I would not feel the slightest pang of guilt shoving them all in a spud sack with a couple of breezeblocks and drowning them in a canal.

[Nocturnal Submission]

A couple of performances as creaky as Beefy's knees:


https://www.bing.com/videos/rivervie...7C17DDA299F3AB