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Worst political fiction

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    Worst political fiction

    Via TPM, it looks like ex-Christian Coalition leader and corrupt bastard Ralph Reed's upcoming novel could take the title:
    After the Democratic presidential nomination is stolen by Senate Majority Leader Salmon Stanley in a bitter credentials fight at the nominating convention, Bob Long, the moderate Governor of California, shocks the political establishment by launching an independent bid for the Presidency. The FBI and the Justice Department launch a full-blown criminal probe of the credentials dispute, and prosecutors empanel a grand jury that indicts the campaign chairman of Senate Majority Leader Stanley for perjury and obstruction of justice. The Republican candidate, the incumbent vice-president, appears to be coasting to victory in the topsy-turvy three-way presidential race. But the morning after he accepts the presidential nomination in a stirring speech, he is murdered in a violent terrorist attack. David Petty, his lackluster replacement, the first African-American presidential nominee in history, is hobbled by a grassroots rebellion led by a politically savvy and occasionally demagogic television evangelist.
    The campaign ends in a cliff-hanger finish, with the outcome in several states too close to call. As a result, the election is thrown into the House of Representatives. The shrewd and devious Speaker of the House, torn between his own voracious ambition and his constitutional duty, presides over this constitutional crisis. All this takes place against the backdrop of the war on terrorism and a looming conflict with a newly nuclear Iran. The lame-duck President, seeking to avenge the murder of the late Vice President, plans a military strike against Iran, but stops short when the government grinds to a halt while the House chooses his successor. Described by a veteran of seven presidential campaigns with a quarter century of experience as a political strategist, Dark Horse sizzles with authenticity and reads truer than non-fiction. Offering a looking-glass into presidential politics on the eve of the 2008 election, Dark Horse contains characters, plot twists, and rare insight that will no doubt be relevant to the real-life presidential campaign now underway.

    #2
    Worst political fiction

    .. especially the bit where he finds out one of his political rivals no doubt one of a suspiciously dusky hue has got a van stuffed with fertiliser and bombs and rusty nails and dog shit and the aids virus hurtling straight towards the white house and no-one can save the day except for the prez-o-dent morphed into a man in his thirties with a toned physique but thankfully retaining the character and grace of a shamelessly rich white man with proper neat hair and all that but anyway and then he gets in the van but oh no the brakes have been cut and the steering wheel doesn't work and the radio keeps blasting keep on rockin in the free world right so he gets inspired right and he jumps out runs in front of the van and stops it with his shoulder and picks it up one handed right and throws it about seven hundred thousand miles into the sea yeah where it lands on a supposed japanese whaling vessel only actually its been taken over by hardline russian communists that still exist somewhere and are planning on setting off a dirty bomb with some help from some guy called al keyder (dunno who he is) under the ocean that'll cause a tidal wave so they can flood washington and run in and take over with guns and bombs and that and cut all the womens hands off and make everyone work on farms but instead their boat gets sunk by this fuck off big van crashing into it and that so anyway lame duck president guy puts his shirt back on and goes home but some stinking vile jap rat still fighting the second world war has kidnapped his wife and kids right and he's well not having that so he goes to montana where his family are being held in the woods but on the way there he beats up the mafia and gets the head mafia guy to help him cos he saved his life right and somewhere he picks up a street-wise mexican sidekick cos that's safe right cos it's not like he's an arab or anything so they go to this hideout that they find following a trail his wife left made of pasta and bits of string and his old grateful dead records and they kill this jap guy and finally he gets to relax a bit and even lets mafia guy and sidekick call him by his first name but they don't they call him mr prez-o-dent cos they're polite like but anyway he has to get back cos while he's been away the vice president has found secret nuke codes and decided that to get people respecting america again... and jesus, it just goes on like this for about 800 hundred pages and the front cover looks like every fucking book you decide not to buy in the airport because you know it's going to be reconstituted shite but somehow this schlub has written two dozen books all of which have similar sounding nonsensical titles and all look vaguely similar and you might have read one of them but you're not sure which if any it is and then and then and then and then...
    characters, plot twists, and rare insight that will no doubt be relevant to the real-life presidential campaign now underway.

    Yeaaah.

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